And you say Central City! We open up to see Caitlin Snow talking with Barry, Joe, and Cisco denying the hell out of Harrison Wells ever possibly being the Honey Mustard Flash. Caitlin sounding like a parent that’s all up on their kids side when they get in trouble at school (THEY DID WHAT? NOT MY BABY. MMM-MMMM) till they talk with the teacher, get that proof, then their tune changes mad fast. She has to cover for Cisco while he goes out on a field trip with Joe West (they be teaming up a lot, yo. Love it) to the crash site where Tess died while Wells was at the wheel.
Meanwhile we see a woman robbing the shit out of a store, on camera, damn near winking at it. She gets in police custody and is interrogated by Eddie “I’ma take my shirt off later so you can appreciate all this Adonis right here” Thawne. She talkin ’bout she was home with her husband. Eddie lookin’ at her sayin’, “Lady, WE got you on candid camera. This shit ain’t America’s Funniest Home Videos. This that security film in HD right here. Talkin ’bout that ain’t you. Must be out ya’ damn mind.” Her arrest record clean as hell so Barry Tells him they’re probably looking for a meta-human that can shape-shift. Mood goes from all good to aw shit real quick as Iris comes in mad at Eddie, throwing all the shade his way.
Eddie: Oh you just goin’ to act like you don’t see me. Okay.
Iris: You seen my dad Barry? He hasn’t been home.
Eddie: He taking some personal days… like father like daughter I guess (yeah I said it).
Laaaaaaaaaaaaaawd, all this lying is fucking up Eddie’s relationship game heavy. He in the house alone staring at a bottle of Jergens next to a fifth of Jack sayin, “what have I become?” You can see that all up in his eyes.
We next see some random dude trying to fence some hot stolen jewelry. It gets called in and we got Eddie down on the scene scoping dude out. This guy starts running when he notices Eddie tailing him (pretty big sign you guilty as fuck). Eddie put the paws on him but this dude hit R on the N64 control button (via WWF No Mercy) and put the reversal on Eddie. He whooped Eddie’s ass like he was one of the thugs in that Daredevil Hallway fight. Barry shows up and sees dude touch a goth girl, transform into her, and escape into the crowd. I mean the only place he really could escape to is Hot Topic but I guess Barry isn’t about checking all the malls in Central City to find dude that badly.
At Star Labs, Wells is telling Barry not to get touched cause this guy may absorb more than looks, might also be able to take memories. I am not about absorbing folks’ memories or abilities. Everyone that dude transformed into thus far has been white too? You know how much damage he can do with all that white privilege? I’d have been half way to Tahiti already. At the precinct Barry notices there have been more cases of people that have been saying they were innocent but were caught on film doing crime, all leading back to the first one where a guy said he was set up by his friend Hannibal Bates. Barrry and Eddie visit Bates’ gram-gram to try and track him down. Yo why she got but the smallest couch ever made from Woolworth’s? (Get it cause she is old and Woolworth’s use to be the Ikea of… y’all don’t know funny)
She goes to get some tea and her ass is gone way too long. Turns out it was Bates impersonating his own gram-gram. That’s some sucker villain shit, man. Barry has to run at him at normal speed to try and catch him. Chase ends with Bates impersonating Eddie and bucking down some cops (straight New Jack City-style). Eddie looking guilty as all fuck and tells Barry to clear his name the right way instead of trying to keep him out of jail the ski mask way.
Meanwhile in Starling City, Captain Lance and Detective Joe West are doing the buddy cop film we all wanna see (if this was Lethal Weapon you know Cisco is a scientific Leo). Laurel tells Cisco she is Black Canary (she knew he was team Flash) and Cisco is amazed (he must not realize she is Black Canary II, not the original), and she asks him to do some superhero tech support to fix her sister’s sonic weapon. At the Harrison Well & Tess Morgan car crash site we see traces of Time Travel energy still present, Lance sees his coffee go all wobbly out the cup and is like… “Man I was going to drink this. The fuck?” The trace of time travel leads them to discovering a buried body. Captain Lance wants to call this shit in but Joe tells him he needs to keep this shit under wraps cause big thangs about to blow up in Central City. Before they leave, Cisco is able to show Canary her new and improved weapon. All for a resonable payment of course.
Barry is back home after promising Iris he will set Eddie free and failing to convince the DA of Eddie’s innocence (Captain Singh is wishing he took that job in Gotham City cause these villains out here way too crazy) when all of a sudden Eddie shows up at this door… then proceeds to knock him the hell out. Yeap, it was Bates doing the old bait and switch, turning into Barry. Caitlin shows up telling “Barry” they got a serum that could stop this “Everyman” from changing into folks. He comes back to Star Labs with her then proceeds to put the general hospital moves on her while trying to figre out how much damage that serum would do to him. If things weren’t fun enough, Iris arrives with evidence showing that “Eddie” on the dash cam was shooting with his left when in reality he is right-handed. Bates is feeling the pressure… then a couple volts of electricity as Wells stuns him with a tazer.
Wells: Yeah, you right Iris… our Barry is right-handed as well, and this “Barry” is holding that gun he snuck in here with his left hand. Also our Barry doesn’t carry a piece, soooo…
What happens next has to be the most ridiculous thing I seen on The Flash. Iris wants to take him to the police station instead of letting him be held at Star Labs. Wonder how that shit will go? This guy “Everyman” turns into a little red-haired Girl Scout in the back of the car and gets the attention of some good Samaritans to help him escape. My question is, did Iris really think her uber-registered car, some handcuffs she got from Joe West (or a local Adult store), and Caitlin were enough to hold this dude captive? Secondly, you know damn well if “Everyman” turned into a lil’ Black girl yelling for help in the back of that car, ayeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeebody woulda kept it moving. Caitlin finds Barry back at his place and fills him in on all he missed. Wells tells Barry he is good to put the paws on “Everyman” and Barry give him the E. Honda hundred-hand slap special before bringing him in.
We also come to find out that Hannibal Bates moonlights as an extra in “Hellboy” since he doesn’t remember what he looks like originally. Barry is able to prove with footage that Everyman was the one who framed Eddie and countless others. Eddie tells Iris the reason he’s been so distant is because he is working with the Flash. Barry was in the cut watching Eddie spill portions of the beans with the “SHOULDA NEVER FUCKIN’ TOLD THIS GUY NOTHING” face.
Joe West and Cisco show Barry and Caitlin that they found the original Harrison Wells’ body, thereby proving the Wells they knew to be a charlatan, a hack, an imposter, or for laymens terms “a phony…this guy’s one great big phoooooony”
“Wells” shows up to Joe’s job talking that subliminal shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit heavy, man.
Wells: [I KNOW YOU KNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOW] We should get a drink sometime
Joe: [I KNOW YOU KNOW THAT I KNOW YOUUUUUU AND I’MA ARREST YOU SO BAAAAAD] Sure.
Then just when you thought shit couldn’t get any more revealing, Cisco goes and finds Wells’ secret room with all his future time-travel shit, Honey Mustard Flash outfit, 25th Century porn stash, pokemon collection, oh and that giant news headline talking about the Flash disappearing in some major crisis in the future….