Look, there are more important things going on in nerddom, but this The Jungle Book promo shit? These promos, my tiger? This the shit you had no idea you needed. This that shit that make you wake up and put one foot on the floor and one up the ass of whatever was fuckin’ with you the day before.
Everybody need some shit every once in a while to feel powerful, and ain’t much that makes you feel Super Saiyan than taking that mixtape album cover with a majestic looking creature. You know… a majestic looking creature that your ass didn’t kill for sport and then post on Instagram like a Trump.
If you ain’t seen these joints yet, the live action Jungle Book is dropping in theaters soon and of course it’s got A+ voice talent for the characters. But instead of just the typical name crawl at the bottom of a trailer, the actors put on their best solid colors and posed with their (CG) counterparts. Look yo, ain’t nothing wrong with your day that Lupita wearing a blouse made from the sun and cuddled up with mother wolf Raksha can’t solve.
Scarlett Johannson might make a better python than Black Widow spider (but seriously, she’s great as Natasha, give her a movie). Sir Ben Kingsley is the only White dude that gets to claim being a Black Panther in this life, so help me Bast.
And do we even have to mention Idris? Look fam, the shot of this dude leaning up against the tiger Shere Khan is enough to make anybody’s sexuality fluid for at least the duration you kept your browser open to see this shit in the first place.
Where’s Baloo chillin’ behind Bill Murray? I dunno, fam. But to compensate, here’s a GIF of a stunned Murray after his alma mater Xavier got upset in the NCAA Tournament.
Yeah, I know. It’s Jungle Book, Will. This some kid’s shit, Will. You really about take up my limited work time on the internet talkin’ about Jungle Book, bruh? You really bout to get me violating the workplace filter over some wolves and shit? Yes, muthafucka, I am. ‘Cuz you need this, fam. You need the exhilaration and fantasy of leaving your cubicle and wildin’ out in the jungle for a couple of hours. You need a twelve foot tall ape that sounds a lot like the King of New York giving you that worldly knowledge you can’t get at the state school you still owe twelve grand to.
This your legacy, yo. Cozying up to beautiful animals ain’t just for young and doomed Stark children not long for this world. This is the legacy of Princess Mononoke, bruh.
This for LL Cool J before he sold his body to lip gloss endorsements and primetime television.
This for the folks that framed the special edition of Michael Jackson’s Thriller album cover like he was their cousin.
This for you all that watched the Legend of Korra and instantly Googled “are polar bear dogs possible?” Be a kid again, yo. Rock out with your wildlife out. Post up with your household pet like Sparky might have once ruled the African plains. Fuck the zoo, go on a Safari. Stay your ass in the jeep though.