[dropcap1]S[/dropcap1]o… we’ve had plenty to say about the upcoming X-Men: Apocalypse film. The third movie featuring the “First Class” versions of our favorite mutants brings back the same actors and actresses representing Charles Xavier, Magneto, Mystique and Beast, replaces a few from the original X-Men Trilogy such as Jean Grey, Storm, Cyclops, Nightcrawler and Angel and adds newcomers to the film, but old guard to the comics such as Psylocke and Jubilee. After the first two movies of this class focused on mutants versus the government basically, Apocalypse features the figurative and literal apocalypse that may be brought on by the mutant who wields the very name.
So listen, before we get too far into this shit, I need you do me a favor. You can be mad that this movie tramples the source material, but you can’t be surprised, yo. Okay? This the same director that gave Kitty Pryde the ability to send Wolverine’s consciousness back in time, which has no logical link to her actual power set of phasing through objects because they felt they had to make Hugh Jackman, once again, the focal point of the film, instead of her going back in time like the comics. So when people say, “Oh, they’re doing the Horsemen of the Apocalypse story,” I need you to give that the MLK side-eye.
Unless the trailer is intentionally misleading (quite possible), it appears that the Apocalypse’s Horsemen are Magneto, Storm, Angel (Archangel if you nasty), and Psylocke. I mean… 1 out of 4 ain’t bad. Or 2, cuz one replaced the other in the… you know what, nevermind.
You damn near need a doctorate and a detailed brain mapping of Marvel writers of Future Past to get a comprehension of X-Men continuity before you even tack on movie bastardization, but I digress. At any rate, the point is, how does the trailer look and does it make you excited to see the movie? On the plus side, you get your standard check-ins with varying success. Storm is here. I mean, I’ve spoke on this enough already. Jubilee and Nightcrawler look amazing.
Michael Fassbender looks like he’s thinking “I could really be getting my Daniel Day-Lewis on every other year, but I signed a seemingly lifelong contract with these bastards, but at least I’m the coolest person in the films still.” Quicksilver is still fast. Cyclops is apparently in the “I still don’t know what to do with my eye beams” part of his evolution. And Moira MacTaggert basically talks more than anyone else in the trailer.
So what’s the problem? Um. Nothing happens. You get flashy profile-fill-your-screen images of some overpowered mutants and a lot of “this is why the X-Men exists” win one for the gipper type of dialogue, but this was basically a wiki video to teach people who Apocalypse was. I know putting out movie trailers for action films is tough. The balance between nothing happening in your trailer and showing the best parts of the movie like Avengers: AOU, is a difficult one. But seriously, when the most exciting thing that happens in the trailer are a bridge collapsing (now a staple in trailers to show you how serious things are for everyday people) and a haircut… you might want to take that shit back to the drawing board.
But hey, there seemed to be a lot less purple on Apocalypse, so at least there’s that.
What were your feelings on the trailer? Let us know in the comments.