A Series of Questions about Netflix’s Death Note All Including Forms of “What The Fuck?”

***Spoilers for the landfill of old tires and teen angst that is the Netflix live action Death Note.*** Last week, Netflix dropped the hottest gentrification since Taylor Swift’s current temporal existence with the live action adaptation of the popular and dare I say legendary manga and anime Death Note. I say adaptation because I’m in a generous fucking mood. Fam, this movie is an adaptation of Death Note the way that someone jumping out of a second-story window is an adaptation of flying. For those not familiar with the source material, Light Yagami is a brilliant and bored high school senior that stumbles upon a mysterious book called a Death Note, where it has the power to kill– You know what, fuck this man. This terrible movie ain’t worth me explaining the premise. The anime is on Netflix. Thirty-seven episodes of that real rap raw, psychological thriller of cat and mouse type shit. This movie? This shit is basically the whitest 10 things I hate about you and your magical book of dead names. At first I was like, yo, Lakeith Stanfield, you my only hope Obi-Wan, I’m watching this shit for you. And he killed it until they had him absolutely break and run through the streets with the heater out. Yeah…fuckin’, yeah. L had the burner.

So I’m off it. I can’t commit to reviewing this or doing some close read on this shit. Every time I think about it, I see that scene from Chewing Gum when ol girl was like “Stop wasting my tiiiiiiiime.” But before I tip the fuck out and give …