Banshee Recap: Carrie Out Here Wylin With Her Vigilante Spin-Off

  • Save

“Innocent might be a bit of a stretch” / Season 4 / Episode 4 / Cinemax

We’re back at Banshee and watching some dude that’s preparing for Top Chef. This guy is cooking dinner like consensual sex depends on it because not only is he chopping up meat, mushrooms and onions with surgical precision, but he also got a blow torch out to flambe some apples. It’s real extra with the eateries here. Meanwhile in my day to day, I’ve been eating salad for lunch and shrimp for dinner every night but whatever.

We’re seeing this couple enjoying the food this dude prepared. Dude asks the woman how work is going, she answers, y’all know how conversations work. She got a promotion to shift manager and they’re about to celebrate. Mind you the house they’re in looks Hannibal Lecter expensive, so I’m wondering what kinda shift manager job we talking bout here? Oh, also you should know that by celebrate they mean, go into the secret room behind the book case and kill the woman that’s been tied up there for the past couple hours.

Yeah we’re finally seeing who the killer is that’s been on the murder spree. It’s a dude that’s got wanna be Hellboy horns protruding from his head and an anti-christ tat in the middle of his chest. Basically he looks like the type of person that gives Ozzfest a bad name.

We flash back to Rebecca playing Operation with Hood as he is laid out and recovering from the gun shot wound. He tells her she should get out of the G’d up life, run, and get a new start. Rebecca basically gives Hood the Wallace, “This is me yo.” quote then proceeds to get on top of Hood and throw it back for a real sheriff one time…. Sex. That’s slang for they were having sex. Which is a really weird time for Hood to be remembering as we are now in present day and he is getting questioned by Brock.

“Did you know Rebecca was pregnant? Did you kill her? Maybe you lost your temper and.” Brock is asking all the wrong questions in all the wrong ways. Hood is telling him, “Whoever did this shit took their time man. I look like I got this kinda time on my hands? I’ve been chopping wood and using an outhouse for the last year. My time is spent cutting coupons for moisturizers, you know I got sensitive hands, not cutting up women Brock.”

We cut to the prison where Watts is going before the board for parole. Watts basically sits down and tells everyone the numerous ways in which they can eat a dick. He then goes into his “you need racists like me.” speech before being sent back to the showers. Watts didn’t even try to feign a fuck. The board is feeling pretty good about themselves, especially Ted. He’s whistling “Pour some sugar on me” as he walks toward his car. Yeah, that feeling stops when Ted gets back to his whip and sees the gawd of tax returns Clay Burton sitting in the back seat lookin’ at him like,

What up doe?
  • Save
What up doe?

[divider type=”space_thin”]
Back at the precinct Carrie sees Hood in jail but before she leaves Bunker gives her a new target to hit (Proctor’s drug facility). This dude Bunker is a fucking enabler man. He’s out here giving her side missions like it’s Gran Theft Auto. Deputy Cruz is peeping game on him as well. Bunker not even bein’ low key discreet in the least. As Carrie leaves Proctor drives in and damn near somersaults out the whip as he parks. Proctor just strolls up in the jail and is literally using the keys to release Hood.

Hood is sayin’, “Aye man, I ain’t kill her”. Brock runs down like “What the fuck part of the law enforcement game is this?” Proctor tells him bail has been posted for Hood… SUN, WE NOT EVEN TRYING TO HIDE THE FOUL PLAY ANYMORE ARE WE?! Brock calls bullshit, and Hood is behind him shoutin’, “Fuck it if he want 5 minutes let’em in!” Procotor and Brock proceed to get into a shouting match.

giphy (4)
  • Save

Hood: AND I’M THE GODDAMN BATMAN!… No? No one gets that comic reference?

Brock pulls his gun on Proctor (do police just not carry tazers for this shit?) ordering for him to hand over the keys and in walks a woman sayin, “Whoaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa everyone is so angry and I’m amazed we all haven’t drowned from this pissing contest. By the way I’m Special Agent Veronica Dawson. Violent Crimes. Oh, I also got that All Star Batman reference.” She assures Proctor she will keep him in the loop

Woooooo! Veronica with the BARS!
  • Save
Woooooo! Veronica with the BARS!

[divider type=”space_thin”]
Veronica then interrogates Hood for all of about 4.3 minutes. Literally, she tried bonding with Hood using Siobhan’s death by telling him her husband died when a kid pulled a gun on him during a raid. Hood was like, “That’s the worst BS fuck story I ever heard. Ask me if I did this murder so I can say no then go about getting back to real G shit.” Veronica steps out and tells Brock that Hood is innocent. Brock’s fighting it at first but knows she’s right. Just for Good measure Brock is like, “I knew that story was BS too.”

I’m sitting here thinking, these guys are fucking ruthless. What if that story was real? What if she really lost her mans and dem like that, and one day they having drinks and it comes up,

*2 Years after season 4 finale*
Brock: Hey, remember that story you told us bout your dude dying?
Hood: Ahhhhh! That was ass. How’d he really die.
Rachel: Exactly like I told yall the first time…cause it was actually truuuuuue… sooooooo.
Brock: Oh. Ohhhhhhhhhh
Hood: I- uhhh
Hood (& Brock out of sync): I’m s-sorry (I’m so sorry) fer your loss (for your- your loss)

Carrie is at the location that Bunker gave her and called him up askin, “Why am I seeing the entire cast Neo Nazi cast for American History X at this drug facility?” Bunker had no idea Proctor and his old crew were working together. He telling Carrie she gotta chill. Carrie is sayin, “naaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah, AIN’T SHIT CHANGE BUT THE GAME HOMIE.” Carrie arrives back home seeing PTSD Job organizing her armory. Job is insisting on going with Carrie (Hoon Lee acting his ass off! You better flex that southern accent boi) due to not wanting to be alone and flashing back to being captured.

They ride up on the spot in the all black whip with the exterior the same color as Michelle Obama’s excellence. Carrie tells Job to stay in the car. WHY SHE RUN UP ON THE PLACE DRESSED IN ALL BLACK LIKE SHE PLAYING SPLINTER CELL THOOOOOO?! Carrie still not being subtle about a damn thing because She isn’t rocking a mask or anything. She then rolls on the graveyard shift watching the trucks and pulls out the fucking flame thrower on these cats man! Dude, I dunno if Carrie was watching the Lemonade Beyonce drop but she was taking cats out with mad hot sauce packets (do you get it? It’s because she was using a flame thrower… and then a bat. You see what I did there?). Carrie mowed down every fucking inch of that place in flames.

giphy (1)
  • Save
giphy (3)
  • Save

She made sure to get every fucking crevice on some “I’m being petty about this” shit. She gets attacked from behind buy a guy who clearly takes his job too seriously. Carrie already scared you off with the flame thrower, you see all your other boys laid out, and she has set fire to a good 95.7% of the facility already. I mean you really not salvaging anything at this point trying to be the hero and will have to find a new job regardless. Plus, now that you attacked her, she is now punching your heart, knocking you out, AND LEAVING YOU TO DIE IN THIS FACILITY AS IT EXPLODES.

Carrie more heartless than a fucking Kano finisher. Job was freaking out watching all these explosions go off thinking she died but Carrie fucking “Cool folk don’t look at shit exploding behind them” runs out, gets in the car sayin’,

"You tryin' hit the chicken and waffles spot before we head home?"
  • Save
“You tryin’ hit the chicken and waffles spot before we head home?”

We see Watts get released from Prison and of course the gawd of Tax refunds Clay Burton is there waiting for him… while eating an ice cream cone. Yeaaaahhhh, okay. He tells Watts Proctor wants to see him. Watts is cool with it without any— Wait. I’m sorry but we need to talk about this. We done see some blatantly wild shit on Banshee but this is by far the weirdest and most hilarious thing I’ve ever seen on this fucking show.

I have so many fucking questions. Was the actor (Matthew Rauch) already eating that shit before the scene and said, “Fuck it, I’m finishing this while we’re rollin’. I don’t even care. I’m fucking hungry, it’s vanilla, and it’s the last season. I got nothing to lose! I dare someone to say something! I’m totally in character and Clay Burton fucks with vanilla bean! Fight me!” Why’d he not even finish it?! Clay wasted the rest of that cone, Why? That shit is literally going to bother me for days on end. Alright, we then cut to… No. No. I’m sorry I can’t I gotta get back on this Clay shit. Look at that gif! Look at it! That gif is killing me man! LOOOL, I AM FUCKING UGLY CRY LAUGHING AT THIS SHIT!

Alright, alright- okay. We see that there was yet another serial killing, this time the woman we saw captured earlier. Billy Raven was on the scene and Veronica meets Brock there. Apparently no one notices that just hours before Veronica busted in on a trap house and was hittin’ the meth pipe because Altoids, mouthwash, and eye drops be a life saver. Meanwhile over at the south will rise again household aka Calvin Bunker residence. This guy over here telling his wife her potatoes dry as fuck. WHAT PART OF THE MARRIAGE GAME IS THAT? You can’t be out here wylin’ on folk cookin’ like that. A knock at the door stops everyone cold and Calvin is surprised as fuck to see Watts. We also find out Watts is his wife’s father.

The same father she wants to get the fuck away from. Calvin was talkin’ all that shit about not bein’ Watts sidepiece anymore but this dude IS IN CALVIN’S HOUSE, SITTIN IN HIS CHAIR, AND LITERALLY EATEN OFF HIS PLATE?! OH MY GAWD THE LEVELS OF DISRESPECT HAPPENING RIGHT NOW. That’s the equivalent of dunkin’ on someone and staring at their defenseless body laid out on the ground.

Veronica releases Hood from jail. Only reason he was kept there was so that they could be ahead of Hood going after this killer. Hood is headed home when Veronica is runs up on him in her whip and pulls a Billy Ocean, “Get out of my dreams and into my car.” on Hood. The scene would have only been better if Veronica was shoutin’ objectifying shit at Hood like,

“Aye…. shorty with the Williamsburg struggling artist hair cut. Aye, struggling artist hair cut! I know you hear me. You can’t say hi? you too good to say Hi doe? Whats good with them boot cut jeaaaaans?” Apparently the Billy Ocean swag was enough as Hood gets in the car with her. Maaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaan we got only a couple more episodes to go and shit is only gettin wilder.

Are you following Black Nerd Problems on Twitter, Facebook, Tumblr or Google+?

  • Save

Tags:

  • Omar Holmon is a content editor that is here to make .gifs, obscure references, and find the correlation between everything Black and Nerdy.

  • Show Comments

  • Macho Man

    Dry potatoes can straight up ruin a marriage. Jus sayin’

  • Evil Ninja (@EvilNinjaX24)

    That ice cream threw me off, too. All during the scene, and afterward…
    1) Yo, my man’s eating ice cream like it ain’t no thing.
    2) I wonder what kind of ice cream. It’s probably vanilla or some shit, but it’d be bomb if it were butter pecan.
    3) “Yeah, I’m nomming on this cone. What?”
    4) Awwww, man – why’d he drop it? That’s tragic!
    5) I want some ice cream.

  • H-Bone81

    How long did he wait there? Was there an ice cream spot on the way? Was that a homemade job? After all that trouble to get a cone in the middle of nowhere, you just drop it? It made me feel weird inside that he just left some on his lip too.

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

comment *

  • name *

  • email *

  • website *