Banshee: The Gawd of Hacking and Saks Fifth Avenue, Job is Back!

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“Job” / Season 4 / Episode 3 / Cinemax

And you say Bansh– actually, I have no idea where the fuck we are. What I do know is that we are with Job the Gawd who’s been missing for damn near 18 months. We see Job being exposed to mad torture methods. They had the dude tied up and forced him to watch Hillary Clinton’s appearance on the Breakfast Club morning show with the part where she says she carries hot sauce in her bag on a continuous loop. I woulda broke after that shit.

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“THE PANDERING IS TOO MUCH! IT’S TOO MUUUUCH!”

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We see Bunker getting dressed for work and having a flashback to when American History X, A.K.A. Kurt Bunker, was laid up in the hospital with the severe burns on his chest compliments of his old Nazi buddies. We see Hood being sutured up by Rebecca after taking a bullet. I’m not trying to play pain Olympics here buuuut I think Bunker beat Hood for worse injury on the job. I definitely woulda taken a bullet over a blow torch any day. Hood is thinking the same shit when he hears a knock on his door and sees Carrie is back and she brought THE GAWD Fat Au. Au has finally found a way to track down a lead on Job. He was able to track down the very dude that handed Job in, Leo. Oh and Au knows just where to find his ass. IT. IS. ON.

Cruz informs Proctor that there’s a vigilante going around beating the dicks off all the perps he let slide. Proctor doesn’t know who it is (it’s our girl Carrie, y’all) but Cruz is telling him that to find that out will cost extra. Why Clay Burton had to be told to chill by Proctor when she said that though? You really ’bout to murder this woman ’cause she wanted overtime, Clay? I bet Clay the type of dude that shops with coupons, man. Dude will literally kill for savings. That’s a dedicated ass accountant right there. At the police station, Rebecca’s family tells Brock to hurry the fuck up with the autopsy so they can bury their daughter. I feel for them but, I mean, they tryin’ to figure out how she died, yo. You can’t run up on Brock and demand the body like it’s a wifi password before the clues are laid out from the autopsy, man. Oh, oh, do y’all want this serial killer to be out here merkin’ folk?

Now remember when I sad Fat Au knew how to locate Leo? Now if I am a Black Ops military hacker and I need a job, I’m going to choose a profession that helps me blend into the background. Like I might be a DMV employee. This fucking guy Leo is a god damn teacher. This dude done mad dirt AND THEY LET HIM TEACH COLLEGE KIDS? DOES HE HAVE TENURE? HOW’D HE PASS THE BACKGROUND CHECK? I have soooo many questions! Hood and Carrie show up to his lecture and he runs on sight after seeing their ass. I also gotta wonder, did they sit in for the whole lecture? Did they think his shit was trite? Did they take notes? He tries to run but you know they capture his ass. They take him to Sugar’s to ask where Job is. How this guy gon’ act like he don’t know who they talkin’ ’bout to their face like he wasn’t in a gunfight with these folks a year ago? Carrie punched the I.T. out of him for that shit.

Hood: See how this works? Every time you bullshit us she is going to hit you. When she gets tired, I’m going to tag in. Now she hits hard. I hit harder. And I don’t mean that with any sense of misogyny because when I say “hit harder,” I mean that’s because I’m going to be hitting your face with brass knuckles.
Carrie: He moonlights as a hand model and has very sensitive skin.
Hood: *Rubbing aloe onto his hands while mouthing* “I will fuck you up.”

Kurt Bunker is in the police precinct having flashbacks to Brock visiting him in the hospital (as real homies do) and when he got out the hospital. His sister-in-law stops by to check on him and we see where their connection began. She told him to call if he needed anything. See she came to bring over groceries (I’m so sorry but I have to make this joke) and in present day Kurt calls her up… to eat the groceries (DO YOU SEE THE REFERENCE I MADE or are you out of tune with today’s R&B?). Calvin is calling her and the convo goes from Kurt sayin’ “I gotta figure a way to put him away,” to her sayin:

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Back at Sugar’s, Carrie is practicing her Street Fighter V combos on Leo in real life. Fat Au steps in with a great La Femme Nikita reference on Carrie as he tags in to try a new strategy. This dude gets Leo talkin’ by cuttin’ at his toes, man. Leo sweatin’ like he has to take a shit so bad that he has to get naked for it. He tells them that Job is basically in the hell hole of all hell holes. They been torturing Job all this time for information AND YA BOY AIN’T SAY A GOD DAMN THING ‘CAUSE HE AIN’T NO SNITCH! JOB IS THAT FUCKING DUDE UNDER PRESSURE! RESPECT TRILL. The only way to get Job out is to buy him out, but they are running out of time. Leo makes contact and discovers that Job is on his way to getting merked. They have to leave right at the moment in order to save his life in exchange for cash. What cash, you ask? The cash they made from the military heist. How much of it, you ask? …We’ll get back to that.

Meanwhile the coroner has some news for Brock, now mind you this coroner is dropping body parts on the ground and calling on the 5-second rule when it happens. I’m going to let you know right now I am not above haunting the fuck out of someone for that shit. I’mma be petty beyond the grave. He gives Brock a huge lead on who might have killed Rebecca. Meanwhile, Proctor goes to some nameless-ass diner and befriends a young runway that obviously reminds him of Rebecca. He takes her in and she is legit sayin’, “We fucking or what, ’cause I mean old white dude giving me shit like this is Pretty Woman ain’t really an everyday thing.” Proctor is like, “Nah we good. Stay as long as you want.”

Apparently the dude is practicing on running a hotel or something. This lady proceeds to wake up and steal everything not bolted down and Proctor comes in puttin’ the paws on her, imagining she’s Rebecca. She gets away, Proctor goes fetal position crying and my only question is… where was Clay for all this shit? Why Proctor ALWAYS getting into fuck shit or his ass whooped on Clay’s day off? That’s been a thing for like 4 seasons now.

Back at the exchange site, Job thinks he is about to die and the last thing he saw was that trash pandering by Hillary Clinton. Dude is blinded and told to walk forward. They got the god of silk outfits and +5 million thread count sheets out here lookin’ like he modeling the Kanye West 2015 Skyrim clothing line. He thinks he’s about to catch a bullet but sees a whip pull up and the fucking mark-ass Leo that did him in walking toward him! Then the next thing he sees is his peoples Hood, Carrie, and Au waiting on his ass in the distance.

The cats that took Job drive away… THEN THEY COME RIGHT BACK WITH ALL THE GLOCKS OUT. They surround the crew and totally kill the reunion, talkin’ about, “We don’t get bought off.” Ummm, y’all took the money though right? Of course Al knew this shit would be a set up and had cats ducked out in the rafters Call of Duty style and they RAINING bullets down and blessing these heathens with death. Leo gets away but the main guy that held Job gets struck and is helpless in front of the crew.

Hood: What you wanna do, Job?
Captor: Yeah, Job. What you wanna–
*Job lets the choppa spray inches from dude’s face*
Me: DAAAAAYUUUUM! But also why would he choose to talk that shit at THAT particular moment?

Job is finally home and back at Sugar’s. He’s clearly going through PTSD but that ain’t nothing his money won’t solve. Hood was like, “Yeaaaah, about that. Leo ran off with all that shit… eveeeerythiiing, homie.” Job at this point is just like, “you know what… yeah, that sounds about right. Well, how’s Gordon? Oh shit, he dead too? GORDON DIDN’T MAKE IT …What about the beta fishes? At least tell me my — oh none of you muthafuckas fed them while I was gone? Okay. Well thanks for saving… dunno why it took 20 months and 3 episodes to do it, but whatever. Shit can’t get any worse.”

Brock, Cruz, and Bunker walk into Sugar’s and Brock hits Hood with the Miranda rights and telling him he under arrest for Rebecca’s murder AND THAT HE KNOCKED HER UP. The what the fuck that hits everyone is gloooory. Meanwhile Bunker is like “Look man, I know you got sensitive hands but I gotta put these cuffs on you. Pleeeease don’t beat my ass.” Dude, when you’re the fake ex-sheriff being brought in for a murder, that’s a new low, man. Hood, my ex-con, I hate it had to be you.

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  • Omar Holmon is a content editor that is here to make .gifs, obscure references, and find the correlation between everything Black and Nerdy.

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  • Evil Ninja (@EvilNinjaX24)

    Every one of these is a pleasure.

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