Enter Soul Calibur: The God-Slayer

Folks got some big ideas about which fighting game gets the top spot. Jordan swears by Street Fighter and Kendall is Team Tekken. It’s cute how they’re so bold in their wrongness. I’m diving right into this Staff Beef but, unlike those two, I’m showing up armed. Come up off them coins If Tekken 3 is G.O.A.T. and Street Fighter is God, then Soul Calibur is the God-Slayer. I’m throwing down the gauntlet on this shit! Soul Calibur leaves the rest of these fighters in the console dust. I should know. Your girl is a fighter connoisseur. These boys talk a big game but let me lay the real facts out and shut this mess down once and for all. “Make ‘em bleed is the motto that I live by. If you f*ck with me it’s a must you die.” Soul Calibur has some of the smoothest controls you’ll ever lay thumbs to. Like smoother than a fresh jar of extra creamy Skippy. I’m talking near-complete freedom of movement. No rolling twelve times to get away from your opponent. Just run around behind that mark and mollywhop the shit out of him. When a stab to the gut just isn’t disrespectful enough And these combos. All the flash, finesse, and utter disrespect of a Mortal Kombat Fatality minus the timer and the ludicrous button sequences. Real talk, I only know about four basic ass combos for two Tekken characters and I had to work hard for them shits. Do you know how difficult it is to hand out a satisfying beat down when you only know the four easiest combos? I shouldn’t have to train with King Kai just s…