Game of Thrones Recap: The Bells

Season: 8 / Episode: 5, “The Bells” / HBO Spoilers be ignoring white flags and sayin’ “fuck yo future.” Check the rest of our recaps here. A 4-Page Letter Maaaaaaan, listen. We start this off with Varys writing that Dear John letter to start. that’s that pen mightier than the sword shit right here. Varys gets one of his little spiders to come give him some intel. The Queen ain’t eatin’. Varys is like, we’ll try again at supper. Um…try again to do what good sir? Man, all kinds of machinations going down right now. Varys meets Jon “Don’t Call Me Aegon” Snow on the shore as he arrives. Tyrion gotta be watching this like, man, he better not say shit. Varys starts sewing those doubts into Not-Jon about how Mad Manifest Daenerys isn’t fit to rule. He let that mess slide that Not-Jon should be on the Iron Throne, and you know Not-Jon is pissed. It’s like when you in a group chat with people but you learn they in another group chat without you. Sansa been in the alt-chat talking across the table like she don’t know this a spades game. Not-Jon keep talkin’ about he don’t want it, but let’s have Varys be like the fourth person to tell him that it don’t really matter. Tyrion goes to see Dany, who looks a fucking mess. I mean, yes, she lost another dragon and yes, she lost her best servant-friend. But also she lost her hairdresser which might be as crucial as the previous ones. You ever have a big event coming up, ya know, like war for the Iron Throne and your hairdresser cancel on you? …