Game Of Thrones Recap: The Red Woman

Season 6 / Episode 1 / HBO ***Spoilers can’t see shit, but still mercilessly get the Donatello work in the middle of the street*** My Gawd, my Gawd, MY GAWD we back up in this piece like we never left. Well, I mean, some people left ‘cuz plenty folks been fed the fuck up with Game of Thrones shit of late, but that’s not what we do here at BNP. We head to the trenches and report back on awesomeness and fuckboys alike. So let’s get back into this No Chill TV Viewing Experience to kick off Season 6. Look man, first Negan kill an unknown muthafucka, now this? How we open the season with Ghost crying as we zoom in on “I fell down dead like this” Jon Snow? Like, they couldn’t time lapse us 15 minutes from the finale? It’s been like six months and we are literally returning to the scene of the crime. Gotdamn, man. Jon, my bastard, I hate it had to be you. They stabbed your boy until he made blood snow angels. Davos hears Ghost droppin’ the thug tears so he comes out to see what’s going on and you’ll notice, the courtyard of the Night’s Watch is empty as fuck. There’s less people out here than folks bumping Jay-Z at the crib after Lemonade dropped. Davos sees the body is all kinds of fucked up. He on that Clerks shit like, “I ain’t even supposed to be here today!” The non-fuckboy Night’s Watch cats come out and are shocked to see their Lord Commander got Jackson Pollock-ed in the middle of the damn yard too. I don’t know where these muthafuckas was at 5 minutes ago when it was packed…