Grimm Recap: Maiden Quest

Season: 5/ Episode 4 / NBC

Kelly ain’t having it. “It” in this case being quiet of any sort or happiness. So the happy family trio is in their cozy bunker with the pitter-patter of tiny screeches bouncing off the walls. So Nick and Adalind do what they always do when they have a problem: call Monroe and Rosalee, who don’t have any kids. I guess they’re relying on Rosalee’s hippie/apothecary/herbalist skills to… recommend a sedative.

So they call and interrupt a peaceful (codeword for child-free) evening in the newlywed’s house. And of course, because kids are jerks, Kelly stops crying almost immediately when Monroe and Rosalee show up.

Meanwhile on the other side of Wesen-infested Portland, three suitors are gathered to draw golden feathers from a griffin statue (um, okay). The man with the longest feather gets to behead a man named Frankie Atkins and win the hand of fair Emily, whose father, Daniel Troyer, is presiding over the worst version of the Dating Game ever seen.

Welcome to the truly archaic and demeaning Maagd Zoektocht.

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So there’s two things at stake: 1) the head the successful suitor retrieves belongs to the man responsible for Emily’s brother’s death and 2) Emily doesn’t seem into it (“it” being that she’s a simultaneously a grown-ass woman in 2015 and a prize) and exchanges looks with one of the suitors, Eli.

Nick and Adalind are still playing house. With every episode the awkward level is going up. Even they are acknowledging it. Adalind wants to get a job because even though Nick gave her a credit card and the safehouse of her dreams, she’s like “Yeah, so about this dependence, um, I’m gonna need, um, none of that. But thank you.” And I’m not mad at her about that.

However, she does ask Nick to sleep in her room again. Sex? No. Cuddling? No? “I sleep a lot better knowing you’ll kill whatever walks through that door.” Bet me that I’m not going to use that line at some point in the future.

So back at a club called “F-Bomb” (yes, it is as classy as you’d think). The first would-be suitor attacks Frankie Adkins in an alley and is just about to collect his head when he is attacked himself and killed. Meanwhile Mr. Frankie “F-Bomb” Adkins is under his truck crying.

Is this guy who you really want backing your campaign? Besides the Wesen thing, he also killed several women recently. And then framed his cousin for the crime. You may want to reconsider your vetting process.

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Sean Renard is at a meeting with a pretty boy who is planning to run for Mayor. The pretty boy and his sidekick/campaign manager want Renard’s support. To his credit, Renard wants to know what dude stands for before he offers his endorsement. The scene cuts away before much else is said and we’re left with the feeling that pretty boy will become important in future episodes. Hmmm.

Nick, Hank, and Wu are at the unfortunate betrothal-plan-turned murder scene. Turns out that the victim, such as he is, is the son of an criminal defense attorney that they have run into before. Frankie, the guy who is lucky to still have his head, is convinced that a man in an animal suit saved his life, so now the crew knows it’s a Wesen crime.

Back in the domestic, Adalind talks to Kelly about her sister Diana before going to see Rosalee. Again, this feels like the writers reminding us that even though this is a monster-of-the-week episode, there is a strong and unifying story arc. I wish it was less heavy handed, but it’s not unhelpful. Later in the episode, in a fit of frustration and worry, Nick asks Adalind why Martin told him to keep the phone if he wasn’t going to call. Because Trubel is still out there somewhere. An uprising is still coming.

Daniel Troyer, Emily, and the two remaining suitors take a shot in remembrance of suitor #1. Troyer congratulates both of the remaining suitors for being proactive (meaning killing the first guy) so that they could vie for his daughter’s hand.

Eli is up next. He and Emily are clearly a thing. She begs him not to play this game, an ancient rite called Maagd Zoektochtor, the Maiden Quest. Like all overconfident dudes who are clearly going to die, Eli is like, “Baby I got this. I love you. We’re going to have a bunch of kids and be insanely happy.” She looks at him unconvinced.

Nick, Hank, and Renard pay the criminal defense attorney Amanda Proctor a visit. She’s pissed her son is dead. And evidently having a Grimm in her office is not helping her grieving process. She woges as a kind of fuck you to Nick who is obviously unphased. He’s on some “I’m trying to do my job and currently my job is figuring out who killed your son.” That mellows her out a bit. She tells them that her son was invited to dinner at Daniel Troyer’s house and that he’s Weten Ogen, like her.

At the Spice Shop, Rosalee and Monroe’s are talking when she freezes; she sees a letter from her past. Someone named Carlos died. Rosalee seems genuinely shaken up, but she’s determined to forget “that part of her life.” Hmmm. I wonder how that’s gonna work out for her.

Yeah, this seems normal.

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At Troyer’s house, Nick and Hank talk to father and daughter about Isaac. Emily almost cries, but they don’t reveal anything important. Wu, who is quickly becoming the most likable character on this show, calls the duo to tell them that the dead guy (Isaac) had a golden feather in his pocket. Wu is like it doesn’t make sense and that’s how I know it’s important. Bravo, Wu, you understand.

Let’s all put our judge-y faces on and look at the outdated patriarch who is causing all the carnage

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Somehow Eli (suitor #2) gets a job as a bodyguard for the guy he’s trying to kill so maybe he will do better than the first guy. While Eli is weaseling his way into the good graces of the man he plans on beheading, Nick is exploring the secret tunnels beneath his fortress. He gets dirty and as he is heading to the shower, so is Adalind. Mmhmm. Adalind forgets a change of clothes. Mmhmm. Nick grabs her what he can find: one of his dress shirts. Mmmmhmmmm. They trade places and it’s Nick’s turn to take a shower and all he can focus on is Adalind’s bra hanging up. Mmmmmmhmmmmmm.

So obviously, Eli tries to kill Frankie, but once again a Wesen/man in an animal costume intervenes at the last minute and kills Eli. By the time Hank, Wu, and Nick show up to investigate, Frankie is questioning his sanity. Based on the description and the golden feather (found another one on this corpse, too), they visit Monroe and Rosalee who have become the new Aunt Marie’s trailer since evil Juliette exhaled on it.

Evil Juliette was evil, but… she was waaay more interesting than well-behaved Juliette

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Back at Troyer’s house, suitor #3 is like “I’m gay and I don’t want to die so fuck this game.” Troyer re-explains the you-aint-never-backing-out-of-this-game clause and the suitor leaves either to run far, far way or to try to kill Frankie Adkins. Luckily for him, Nick and Hank arrest him. He folds pretty quick in the interrogation room and sends them right back to Troyer.

Because blood is thicker than retainer fees, Amanda Proctor shows up at Frankie’s club and lays it out: Troyer is trying to have you killed because you inadvertently had his son killed, buuuut this dude is responsible for my son’s death so I think he should die.

Nick and Hank are headed to Troyer’s but Frankie shows first up. He pulls a gun on Troyer who woges. He gets off one shot at Old Man Troyer before he’s attacked by the same Wesen who has saved his life twice: Emily “I’m not tryna get wifed” Troyer her damn self. Before she can kill him, Nick and Hank come in guns drawn.

I really tried to not kill you, but you clearly don’t know your place.

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Turns out the Maagd Zoektocht wasn’t started by her old man to find her a husband; he did it to make sure she was bawse enough to run their family business. I’d say yes, yes she is.

Back at Fortress Burkhardt, Nick comes home to his weird HexenGrimm family. Adalind and him share a platonic(?) hug when they hear a noise outside. Nick goes outside to find Trubel, bruised and bloody, stumbling to him. Guess the GPS tracking on that phone Martin told you keep work, huh Nick?

So what now? What happened to Trubel? Who else knows where Nick lives? How many awkward pauses does it take to get to the center of a interspecies romance? Is Kelly truly collicky?

Following along with Grimm? Read our past reviews for the series.

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