Nerd Ballers Swear They’re Anime Characters on the Court

We should all give up on basketball. That’s not true; let me rewind. Basketball fundamentals will never be the same to me after all this dope anime lately. The dialogue, the heavy action, the way time stops so that a split second of real time offers 8 minutes worth of exposition – this is like getting to Cookie Crisp at my best friend’s crib and not wanting to go back home to Banana Nut Crunch. Like cookies for breakfast, anime is to me now what And-1 mixtapes were in 1998 – a glorious, completely unrealistic way to love something you didn’t think you could love more. And it’s ruining the youth. After salty ex-coach Mark Jackson made comments about Steph Curry ruining the next generation of ballers by teaching bad habits I thought to myself, 1) damn, Mark Jackson, why they keep trolling you by signing you up to commentate on the championship team that fired you? And 2) you’re missing the real ISIS of the hardwood – have you seen anime?! This ruins everything.

For me it started with a much simpler obsession of hip hop. If you use hip-hop for motivation you understand the tingle in your muscles when you’re getting in that zone with your headphones on. But yo, nerds do it to the max and take it to another level when you add Mikasa or Vegeta or Mugen on the track. If you’ve used an AMV to get hype before a game? I fux with you as a human being on a whole new plane. Now take that intensity, focus that chakra into your palms of your hands and grab a basketball. Do you see what I s…