The season finale of Penny Dreadful dropped last night aka the show we tolerate because Game of thrones isn’t giving us that employment for a while. We start where we left off last week, The location of Mina. Can I just say that when you have to contact the supernatural as a reference for an amber alert for your missing daughter… you may have to pull a Frozen and let that shit go, but thats just me
Vanessa tells Sir Malcolm the clues as to where she thinks Mina is being held. She believes it to be at the theater. Malcolm is ready to save his daughter by any mean necessary. Vanessa questions Malcolm, “hold up you goin 187 you own daughter if you got to?” And Sir Malcolm assures here that he indeed has the juice now (no capri sun). Dorian Gray “Mr. Steal yo Giiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiirl” stops by to catch up with Vanessa. Gray released all 12 months of Vanessa’s Georgia O’Keef calender a couple nights ago bringing out that devil inside her. Vanessa shuts down his advances like (that basketball player) did (another basketball player) at NBA finals (I… am not good with sports references). This is Mr. Steal Yo Girl tho, he gives her an address to meet him at anyhow cause he knows she’ll be there.
Sir Malcolm was listening to some Nas the night before cause he woke up this morning and got himself a gun, an automatic at that. He even got some flirting action with Madam Carly from the seance (back in ep 2). She gives him the real government as well as the fact that her husband is late, as in dead, as in he aint he no mo, as in when you coming over doe? You know they bout to be a thing.
Caliban is getting ripped by the lead actor for a wardrobe malfunction. He has to take that verbal abuse to the heart as dude starts ripping on him bout his scars (not knowing he can get ripped literally). The actor’s girl Maude later brings Caliban an Orange in order to make him feel better. She apologies for her man’s action on some, “he gets like that but he is a really good guy once yuo get to know hi-” but Calban squashed that with an eloquent “nope, that dude a dick”
Maude feels for Caliban as she leaves then turns back and gives him that forehead kiss. Caliban looking at her walk away holding his face like she just gave him Leo’s Oscar.
Malcolm gets back to the house and Vanessa grills him on why she was kept away from the ship that night. Malcolm gives her all the info, “alright you wanna know whats what… I’d sell your ass out for a minute to get my daughter back, I’d drop a dime on you, we aint fam, we aint kin. I DON’T KNOW YOU MAN”. Malcolm gave Vanessa that grimey truth. She is invaluable now as his blood hound toward Mina but thats it. He channeled his inner Riley and Rick James for that scene cause he was “cooooooold blooooooded”.
Caliban tries to put the moves on Maude after dabbing himself with make up. Maude is shook when she rolls in then sees his face and has to do the Arya Stark laugh on him. Caliban all up in his feels tho trying to appeal to her (also letting it slip that he kinda been stalking her) then kisses her which makes Maude get all types of uncomfortable and tries to leave only to have Caliban give her the yoke up but realizes the folly of his ways. She files that complaint to HR with the quickness and Caliban understandably gets released. Stephen, the man that brought him in, hugs him and lets him know,
“You my stage hand I hate it had to be you but” / “Remember us better than we are”.
We see Vanessa walking with Dorian Gray giving apology for running out of his house like she just remembered she left the tea on. Dorian thinks they can reconnect but Vanessa shuts. that. shit. dooooooooooown.
Vanessa: Poor Dorian you’ve never felt this before
Dorian: I don’t know what I’m feeling.
Vanessa:(kisses him) Rejection.
Back in Victor’s basement Caliban is telling him “Aye man, I know I killed the new friend you made and ya boy Van Helsing…but I ughhh need to crash on your couch cause I got fired”. Victor is fed up and pulls out that grandfather glock on Caliban as he begins the best bar we’ve heard on the show yet in a monologue on his feels .
“I’d rather be the corpse I was than the man I am”
He then tells victor to pull the trigger on him. Victor was tempted…
but just couldn’t carry that weight since Caliban’s hot 16 brought him to thug tears. Ethan Chandler drops in as well seeking help for Brona whose on her last continue in this arcade of life. Victor knows shes about to kick it and sends Ethan out to grab some medicine to ease her suffering. Victor then reassures Brona she has nothing to fear as death is like walking through a door, he then tells her about a choice between life and death. Victor then displays that bedside manner with that pillow talk game on 3hunna as he suffocates Brona. Ethan comes back in the room post death by 135 thread count pillow case. Victor gives him some time alone and assures Ethan that he will take care of the body…
Ethan is drowning his sorrow in a pool full a liquor when he is approached by two men. These folks trying to tell Ethan his dad thinks its time for him to come home. Ethan ain’t having none of their shit today tho and goes full on departed on they ass. Ethan arrives at the theater unphased and ready to finish off the final stage and get this high score for Brona watching down (maybe watching up we dunno) on him. Ethan, Vanessa, Victor, Sembene and Malcom enter the theater which is all types of R.L. Stein dark until them vamp life’s come out. The place is then swarmed with the undead.
Malcolm is firing rounds at the head monster with his new pistol like its “Whack-A-Mole”. Victor even catches a body and saves Ethan. Sembene gets his samurai jack on but the numbers start to overwhelm the gang. Malcolm saves the crew with some old school fisticuffs to ground the head monster in charge and stab his heart. Apparently stabbing the leader acts as a kill switch for all the other vampires cause they hit the floor like they vogue’n.
Mina comes out holding Vanessa hostage telling Malcolm how he done played into their hands delivering Vanessa to them. Mina didn’t know that this is a new Malcolm tho, he pulls that Fo-Fo (.44) and lets that shit ring all over her chest cavity. Ayebody shocked at this point. Especially Mina who thought she was still daddy’s little girl. Malcolm has to let her know she been replaced, “(looks at Vanessa) I already have a daughter… Bye Felicia”.
Malcolm later on lets some tears over the ordeal fly in front of Vanessa. She distracts him by saying they’ll have to fill the place out for Christmas, have the boys over to help decorate (new family feels). Victor unveils the floor model of Brona’s corpse to Caliban. Caliban approves and is looking over Victor’s shoulder the entire time for the how to build your own person workshop. Ethan is back at the bar and them two cats hunting him down show up again… Ethan eyes them then sees that full moon outside. Now we know why he be waking up with blood all over him.
Ethan Chandler is getting his teen wolf on…
Oh…oh, we going to have to talk about this next season.