So we need to talk about this Halle Berry/Storm shit, fam. Like, drop your kids off at school, brew your coffee, and tell your job you gonna be a half hour late because this shit is serious, yo. In case you hadn’t heard, Halle how-my-Storm-hair-look-oh-terrible-that’s-cool-I’ll-change-it-next-movie-anyway Berry told the press that she loves Storm (I need to see the receipts) and would love to see a solo film for the character. Also that fans should let Fox know if that’s what they want.
Look, we’ve all been there when that family member we don’t like all that much comes up with a great idea for a family gathering or some shit and you’re real hesitant to admit it’s a good idea because you don’t want that freeloading muthafucka to get credit for that shit. Of course we want a Storm movie, fam. Folks been waiting on a Storm film! We’ve been wanting a Storm film longer than we’ve been waiting for someone to explain what the point of Gambit was in the X-Men Origins: Wolverine. But what are you prepared to sacrifice to have a Storm film out there? I mean, once upon a time after watching Michelle Pheiffer kill it in Batman Returns, I wanted a Catwoman movie. Over a decade later, we got the aforementioned Halle Berry as Prentice Powell, hopping around in leather and dunking on Benjamin Bratt. Mama said there would be castings like this. More Halle Berry as Storm? Bruh, AIN’T NOBODY COMIN’ TO SEE YOU OTIS!
To be fair, on two counts: One, Halle answered a question — she didn’t just voluntarily show up to promote a hypothetical Storm movie. And two, she didn’t say “there should be a Storm movie, and ain’t nobody rockin’ Ororo Munroe like yours truly.” It’s not the most practical reading of that statement because last I checked, Halle wasn’t an agent and advocating for movies that other people will star in, but I’m at least leaving the window open for some nuanced interpretation. But that gets to the real heart of the matter here.
Before everybody starts posting their fancasting on Tumblr or starts photoshopping Lupita with a mohawk again, let’s approach with some practicality here. Fox has both a very popular name in someone that has played Storm, and they just hired Alexandra Shipp to continue the role. From a studio perspective, they’re not going to throw all that overboard to cast your favorite actress for the goddess. I’ve said before that I don’t think Halle Berry was 100% at fault for the piss-poor representation of Storm, but Halle Berry makes a better on-rails-shooter than an Open World adventure game. What I mean is, you need so many things in place for her to actually be great. Considering that we are starting at this being a Fox flick, that shit is already off the table.
Also, let’s not overstate the irony in this statement: somebody asked Halle Berry if she wanted to see a Storm movie when Storm just got recast with a younger actress. Fam, the level of disrespect be on 9000 for that shit. That’s like getting fired from Microsoft and then having a microphone shoved in your face and asked how excited you are to see that new Surface they’re debuting in the Fall. Fuck your Surface, yo. Unless you still think Microsoft might take you back. Then you answer something like, “yeah, I’d love to see it, but if that’s what the people want…”
As for Alexandra Shipp, we haven’t seen anything yet. Unless you want to count the Aaliyah flick. Yeah, if you want to give her fair shake, then let’s say we haven’t seen anything yet. But if there will be a Storm movie any time soon, it will probably be an origin story of sorts, and at the expense of being ageist, I seriously doubt Fox will want to start a possible franchise with their ill-received actress that first took the role 15 years ago. When Alexandra Shipp was 9 years old.
So, I ask again, how bad do you want that solo Storm movie?