Season 2 / Episode 12 / The CW

And you say Central City!

Yo this episode right here, B? This blacker than tar ass episode thooough?! We got a remarkably dope villain ravaging dem Central streets. We got high octane drama and drag racing. We got an official name for our squad. We got betrayal, beast mode Joe West, and Barry betting on black. Lets get into this episode of straight flames.

It seems The Flash is fully content calling on the night of the particle accelerator to explain their villain origins, and do just that with this week’s evil incarnation. “Fast Lane” opens up with 2 of our classic Central City thugs up to no good. This time they straight up Suge Knight dangling some poor soul over a vat of melting factory tar. They demand bank account info from this Joey. Once he caves and gives up the numbers, the rat faced dude (that I’m gonna call Mouse Trap for comedic nostalgia purposes) makes sure Joey takes a nice swim in the pool of death. His partner looks at Mouse Trap like, “Damn son, you said we were gonna let the old homie live.”
Mouse Trap: “I say a lot of things. Hunger Games is such an underrated movie franchise. Supergirl and the The Flash got something going on. Green Arrow would get his ass handed to him by Batman. Frozen was so good. Smoked gouda is everything. Brunch tomorrow?”

Anddd then the Particle Accelerator explodes, the thugs book it and the sad sap being drowned and singed alive gets hit by the blast.

Years later, we get that infamous Shredder at the end of TMNT Secret Of The Ooze ‘you thought I was dead’ hand thrust through the surface into the air scene, as we find out that Joey has fused with his molten tar surroundings and developed a thirst for vengeance.

Joey’s first victim is the homie that was actually on board to not fling him to his death. Long story short, this week’s villain turns dude’s body into a modern day Pompeii relic. Straight magma magnitude crispified.

Barry and the CCPD show up to investigate the scene. They all equate the victim to being burned alive as if he was dipped in lava, but Barry and his educated ass can tell that the burns were constant with a material that has a much lower burn temp than lava.

S.T.A.R. Labs: Cisco, Caitlin, Barry and Harry contemplate what could have done this. They discover that dude didn’t even die from the burns he suffered, he died from suffocation. Lights go off in the minds of Barry and Cisco. Barry begins to say that its as if the guy died in a super heated Ta “TARPIT!” Cisco jumps in and hilariously bodies Barry off the villain naming privilege.

West Household: Joe, Wally and Iris are busy enjoying a nice family dinner with Joe acting like the coolest dude on the block, trying to reconnect with his son. Iris and her newfound storylines and confidence has other plans. She comes wayy wayyy wayyyyy out of left with the ill back hand of a comment about Wally’s drag racing addiction and the danger he puts himself in every time he burns rubber.

Wally was like, “Oh sheeeeiiiittt big sis got a fat pair of cahones on her don’t she? Iight I’m out to Planet Fitness, the judgement free zone”

Joe hit Iris with the mean broken neck WTF. Iris went there on him too. She like, “Oh you cool bein his man’s and dem but not his father huh?” Yoooo how this episode turn so BLACKITY BLACK SO DAM QUICK?! Mad real.

S.T.A.R. Labs: After brooding in his basement lab, studying Turtle’s brain matter (R.I.P.) and The Reverse-Flash, Harry Wells has discovered a way to sap the speed from The Flash every time he taps into the speed force (knew that bastard was up to no good!)

Barry barged up into Wells’s spot like he the landlord and nicely strong arms his way into being Harry’s assistant. Harry knows he being a piece of shit trying to bio-engineer a new Pokemon to use that Absorb attack on The Flash, so he tries to get rid of the homie by claiming our Earth hasn’t caught up with Earth-2’s science. So Barry looks at Wells like, “I’m not good enough to keep up with your intelligence huh? I got something for your advanced technology. These the too advanced to be understood books right here fam?” and proceeds to flip thru every last page of all Harry’s literature and looks up at him with the ill smirk and simply says, “All caught up!”

Harry tight. He like, “You know you’re such a nice guy that sometimes you’re a dick? Yea well you are. *Whispers under his breathe* I will turn on you.
Barry: “What was that”
Harry: “What? Oh nothing, I guess I could use your help.

Iris decides to play dirty and shows up at Wally’s race…

Lookin’ like this…

She scars lil bro for life and tries to convince him to stop the Need For Speed obsession before he gets the Paul Walker treatment. ‘TailLights’ hops in the driver’s seat after giving big sis a meannnnn Jaimie Foxx hand to the face.

Iris bounces out to do some research and throws mad dead racers in Joe’s face. Joe don’t know what to do and asks for some time.

Iris ain’t got time to give so she goes to press the man running the races. She threatens him with a story exposing him and his organization. Butttt Iris done forgot that it’s a cold dark world out there and homie came at her with threats of his own so Iris gets the hell out of dodge.

Wally finds out dam near immediately and runs up on Iris and continues his tough guy act.

S.T.A.R. Labs: Cisco up in the spot showing Barry his new app that notifies you of Meta activity and Barry is shitting alllll over his life. They up here talking bout how Cisco just made the MetaHuman Tinder.

Turns out Cisco’s app comes thru and they get a hit of an attack in progress and book it downtown to find TarPit staring down ‘Mouse Trap’ Clay.  Flash saves the piece of scum from a tar fireball and then baits him to throw one at a fire hydrant..

I’m not gonna lie, I was a little tight that during the showdown in dem streets, all Barry needed to do to subdue TarPit is trick him into blowing up the hydrant so the water could cool him alllllll the way down to liquid tar. ..then I remembered that that dastardly fiend Wells done hooked up that DBZ Cell power absorption contraption and has been sapping The Flash’s speed while he’s been saving the city. Back at the lab, Harry takes a look at the lightning speed he done captured and whispers to himself that his daughter is coming home.

This evil ass Bond villain in the face, no hairline having pathetic excuse for an Earth-2 representative.

Cisco up here hacking the world and figures out who their villain is. But not right before a little comedic relief as Caitlin and Barry both agree that Cisco aint got shitttttt on Felicty Smoake da hack GAWDESS.

Down in the ol’ Secret Evil Doers Lair, Barry got Harry’s emotions going through all types of peaks and valleys. Barry pumping this, Barry and his mentor back at it, getting their science on swag. Harry eventually blows up and throws mad “I have a child and don’t need another one.” shade…and throws a eraser at his head, when in reality he’s just mad at himself.

I was thoroughly surprised at the turn of events that then took place. Harry keeps it real and tells Barry that one day Zoom will force him to make a choice. One day it’ll be Zoom or Flash and he would choose Zoom every time because his daughter’s life is on the line. Glass half full Barry over here aint tryna hear that noise and drops a packet of research done by real Harrison Wells and Earth-2 Harry is baffled by the greatness in front of him. It seems OG Wells was on to something great and it should help them come up with a solution to close the breaches.

The Streets: Later, Harry goes to meet up with Zoom in some ridiculous dark loading dock area and gives up the speed he sapped from The Flash. He asks for Zoom to release his daughter, Jesse, but Zoom just dislocated Harry’s shoulder and says “FUCK YO COUCHHHHH. I’m gonna torture her dainty body each and every day until you bring me every ounce of Dat Flash speed.”

S.T.A.R. Labs: Joe ran background checks on everyone involved in this situation and can’t find anything. Cisco scoffs at Joe and hacks the world, commits a few felonies, and gets all the info he needs on Mouse Trap and the rest of the thugs involved.

The Streets: Barry and Harry figure out a way to destroy the breaches. Harry hands Barry a bomb and he Randy Johnsons that bad boy into the portal and it implodes on some pretty dope ish.

Barry goes nuts like a young hero would and Harry is so surprised and uncomfortable by Barry’s outpouring of exuberance that it’s painful! Luckily, he lightens up a bit towards the end of their Central City mission and you just know he’s caving.

Joe and Iris are scoping out Wally’s race because TarPit’s next target is the guy who runs the illegal competitions. He just so happened to be the driver for Mouse Trap and the boys back in the day. TailLights and his opponent put the pedal to the metal and TarPit takes over from there.

This dude gets mad Roller Coaster Tycoon wit’ it and creates a vortex ramp that sends Wally airborne. The Flash flies in and saves the little moron. The car goes flying and glass shatters. Barry sees this happening in slow motion as shards head straight toward the chest of a Ms. Iris West. Flash races in to save her but has lost a step and can only grab one glass shard.

She takes a vicious hit and one of the dopest visual scenes the show has had is over.

Iris wakes up in the hospital with Joe by her side. Wally soon shows up but doesn’t know how to handle this situation. He bounces and Joe West decides to transform into the father that he been frontin on since Wally showed up. He essentially becomes Red Forman from that 70’s show and tells Wally that he needs to be by Iris’ side before he sticks his boot so far up his ass, Wally gonna be eatin shoelaces. He concedes like Trump at the Iowa caucus and got to console Iris and her hospital hatin self.

S.T.A.R. Labs: Cisco done whipped up some nitrous grenades that are triggered by extreme heat. There’s some scientific jargon about 650 degrees being the boiling point of asphalt and all I know is that these cats just created some projectile weapons of mass destruction and I’m all the way down with this.

Barry over here confiding in Cisco telling him that he’s worried about feeling a little slower. He asks if it might be the suit and Harry was quick to jump in and dead that idea. They think it might be Zoom, but that spine disembowelment happened too long ago to match up. Caitlin comes thru with the tests on Barry and it turns out he’s 2% slower. They start panicking and Harry does the noblest deed he’s likely every done. He comes clean and tells the squad that he is the one who stole Barry’s speed and gave it to Zoom.


**In the left corner we have the leading candidate for Father of the Year,  Mr. Ready To Let It GO…

Out of nowhere…

In glides Joe ‘Louis’ West…

And he delivers the mean right hook!

Next scene Joe is walking out Mouse Trap to use him as bait in..YOU GUESSED IT! A Mouse Trap! Yo, Tar Pit came up in the spot in his most diabolical form. This cat was a 16 feet tall abominable tar monster straight glowing like charcoal in a giant bonfire.

They waste no time. The Flash runs up and does this really…lets say interesting corkscrew jump flip and fires the nitrous grenade at TarPit and he freezes up like a 15 ft sports statue outside an arena, then it explodes and out falls Joey. So naturally, Joe Louis hears Shao Khan yell out Finish Him and serves up the OD angry black man superpunch!! Pretty ridiculous couple of scenes for our father of the year candidate.

Wally and Iris have another really nice heart to heart. He keeps it real for once and tells her that racing brings him back to the days when his mother would drive him around for hours on holidays, because they couldn’t afford anything else. Pretty powerful stuff. He’s still reckless.

Team Flash is up in this joint contemplating chucking Wells through the breach and closing things up or releasing him since he didn’t actually go thru with the plan he could have pulled off. Barry is the biggest advocate of this but leaves it up to the team. Team Flash are men and women of the people so of course they let him go! Barry stands there like a boss and make this big announcement that they’re gave a big middle finger to his plan and have decided to help Harry get his daughter back. We’re going to Earth-2 baby!

I’m not a big fan of watching the next episode trailer, but even I couldn’t escape the hype surrounding the Killer Frost debut:

Flash Facts:

No Patty sighting this episode. Let me be the first to admit, she needed to go! This episode was much more cohesive without that tired ass storyline hogging up the tube time. Good riddens.

Yea you got that right. Cisco has dubbed the squad Team Flash, God bless his beautiful singing heart. Let it be said, let it be done!

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  • Ja-Quan is a NYC teacher and artist holding a B.A. in Sociology and History from SUNY New Paltz. On his journey to become Hokage, the Lord of The Speed Force and Protector of the Recaps can be found North of The Wall, chopping it up on Twitter @OGquankinobi

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