We open up at the Wells Fargo in Central City. A dude rolls up in there with his aviators on then slowly takes them off letting us all know he is the villain. Ray Bivolo is a metahuman that gets mofos angry. We know he got powers cause he got the watered down red gambit eyes flaring. My man walks up in the bank getting everybody pissed. It’s straight up looking like Black Friday in this bank. Ain’t no half off on mortgages, just discount ass whoopings apparently. Ray does like Wutang told him on his itunes and goes straight for the C.R.E.A.M. Meanwhile, we got the white girl picking up the glock firing a round at the black guy. I’m sitting here like, “you sure this dude’s super power isn’t racism?” Barry arrives and saves bro bro then takes a look around and realizes he smack dab in the middle of the sequel to pumpkin fest. Everybody snapped out of it and said to themselves, “Were we really wylin over pumpkin spice for real? The hell wrong with us?”.
Meanwhile uptown, Iris hitting Eddy with that 711 Beyonce drop, talking bout lets stay in and re-enact the video. Eddy like, “I would but your dad don’t like tardiness. Besides, I like Taylor Swift’s shake it off better anywa– I killed the mood didn’t I?”
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Barry must have sensed that cause his article came up on Iris’ Tumblr dash quick. Iris is excited over another sighting of the Flash but Eddy saying that red blur ain’t nothing but Photoshop. Eddy telling Iris he don’t believe in The Flash, he all about what he can prove with his five senses. He only about believing in Iris… (mmm hmmm). Joe and Barry trying to figure out how cats were wylin in the bank when black Friday already passed. They come to the metahuman conclusion… I aint trying to meta-shame or mutant shame but shouldn’t that be a given by now?
*Over in the Police Captain’s office not even 5 minutes later….*
Eddy: Fuck the Flash. A dude that can move that fast? That shit don’t scare you?
Captain: My boyfriend got me on this diet so I dont give a fux what you talkin bout.
Eddy: I’m just sayin.
Captain: Why don’t you get your girl to investigate since her flash blog tumblr famous now.
Joe West: Dayum. what? Don’t look at me, far as I’m concerned Carl Louis still The Flash.
Iris arrived on at the station asking what the conversation about and Barry must have broke a 2 dollar bill earlier cause he dropped all the dimes on Eddy, “He in there talking bout planting drugs on The Flash to get his ass arrested. I tried to stop him… I tried.” Iris gave Eddy the “what the fuck is this shit?” face early. Eddy looked over at Barry thinkin,
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Iris saying Eddy just jealous at The Flash but before Barry can get up in that window of opportunity, he is needed at Star Labs. They trying to break down what happened at the bank and we see the brain scans show the folks all had their anger turnt up and their reason and logic turnt down. Flash gets a hit from Iris and here Caitlin comin in with the C-block. Barry like, “yeah… yeah”. He arrive in front of Iris dropping all the subtle hints in auto-tune that she the only one The Flash trying to fla– is interested in. Caitlin tells Barry that the police got the perp cornered, so stop trying to mack on Iris. Good God, Caitlin must use that turtle defense hard as fuck in 2-d fighters. She out here just BLOCKING.
Also let’s just give it up for Joe West. My guy stay on the god damn scene. He in the streets handling his with proper police procedure. Joe you killing Gordon and Captain Lance damn what anybody else say. He got the drop on the meta perp, and being a logical ass officer he sent the subordinate with the shotty over to take him in. Homie was taking too long tho cause Ray had him seeing red angry as fuck talking bout, “I ain’t taking orders from you Joe” (racisim super power, I’m tellin yall) then let that shotty ring on his own team like he mad he ain’t the one that got the promotion. Barry arrives just in time to pull Joe & Company out the way of the blast, which someone takes advantage of to save the day.
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Barry heads back with Ollie to meet with the rest of Team arrow and freaks Diggle out
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Poor Diggle, he reps the reactions all of us would have in real time. Ollie tells Barry they on the hunt for this killer that uses boomerangs (let that sink in). Of course Barry is thinking this would be a cool time for a team up so Ollie can help him with his perp as well. Ollie is like noooooooooope, Felicity is all, “Come on Ollie” and Diggle is sayin, “My cousin got hit by lightning and just got a stutter, apparently lightning gives you super powers only on top of white privilege tho… thought I’d throw that into the conversation (sips sweet tea)”. Felicity decides to be the one to go to Star Labs since they know who she is. She hops up on the Barry express which brings us to one of the top 5 (comic adapted) TV scenes canceled or still on air. This is going to make the rounds on tumblr.
Felicity gets that Star Labs sweat shirt to hold up in. I gotta buy one online I seen it so much on the show already. Caitlin discovers that Ray is inducing the anger flashes via the ocular nerve (nerd shit) and that Dr. Wells wants to see Barry. Barry said he was getting called into the principal’s office and Joe West was there with Wells talking bout some, “This vigilante? This Arrow? Don’t you bring him round the house no more”. Barry tries to defend him but gets shut down and then saved by Cisco having caused the boomerang to fly around wild in the lab. Joe West came out totin the 9 saw the damage then said, “oh hell no. I want the Arrow out my city TONIGHT (“that was my bad actually”) shut up Cisco. I’m blaming this on the Arrow too. Boy musta lost his damn mind throwin boomerangs indoors and shit, I ain’t cleaning this up”.
Ollie decided to do Barry a solid and get the name of the meta (Ray) that he been looking for. He dropsby at the coffee shop to do so. Iris West looking at Barry, “You know Ollie Queen? He on my 3 list. 3 guys I’m allowed to cheat on Eddie with”. Barry is NOT amused. He shoulda said, “It aint a big deal knowing him since he broke now so I mean”…. Also I’ma need Vic Stone (cyborg) to be on that 3 list Iris…. this ain’t Scandal. Ain’t nobody talking bout Standing in the sun” or “Vermont and jam” over here. Ollie tries convincing Felicity that Barry only thinks he wants his help but won’t like the reality of it. Ollie ain’t saying no to those eyes so he tells Barry to meet him at his spot for a team up….and that he isn’t saying the word metahuman this episode.
Barry shows up… late. Ollie is so wtf, “Sun, only one of us allowed to roll up late too cool for the party and it ain’t you. Dude got super speed and still late ain’t this about a ^#@%#”. Ollie proceeds to lay into Barry like he Bill Lumberg yall. “I read about that train wreck against Leonard (“We call him captain cold”) Lame. ANYWAY, dude derailed the train right? Why don’t you ever scope shit out before you rush in head first? The fuck we talkin bout. Oh, I’m sorry. You yawning? Am I boring you. Alright check it, today’s training? I’ma shoot you with an arrow for you to learn something.” Barry looked at him with the chopped and screwed face, “you gonna do what now?”.
“You know what Oliver? Fuck You. Fuck yo quiver, Fuck yo bow, Fuck yo sidekick and the unnecessary parkour moves he does during fight scenes, Fuck yo lame ass “My name is Oliver Queen” intro, Fuck that island you were stuck on for 5 years, Fuck yo salmon ladder, Fuck Queen Consolidated… Oh wait, Ray Palmer already did that, Fuck your ratings, Fuck Yo Z-list Batman villains you stealing and fuck the whole season 3 murder mystery yall doing. This is Central City! My female lead is black and my costume is red! Now get the fuck off my show”
Laaaaawd, Barry took them flames to the work office too? Everybody caught the heat. The Police Captain found out Barry ain’t the one when he hit’em with the “WHO THE FUCK YOU THINK YOU TALKING TO“, Joe came in for the save on Barry and Barry was not having it, Joe got a hot cup of STFU straight from the “Barry Allen Is Fed Da Fuck Up” new brand name coffee they serving over at Jitters now too. Arrow tells Star Labs Barry is effected…cause he acting like a dick. Joe comes in to confirm. Barry’s body is slowing the effect down but his rage being pent up. Dr. Wells tells Felicity we going need the Arrow’s help…. so call back Oliver Queen (oh snap).
Meanwhile Eddy was talking things over with Iris in the car. Iris saying she not mad and don’t care about his Flash task force but Eddy finally saw that 711 video and gives Iris the
before Iris can appreciate the beauty of this gesture, Eddy got his ass yanked out the whip and in the streets by The Flash. Barry said, “HEARD YOU WERE TALKIN THAT SHIT” before putting his foot in Eddy’s ass. Iris tried to talk sense to Flash but maaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaan, Barry hit her with the Kanye, “Yall don’t know my struggle, yall can’t match my hustle” dismissal. Meanwhile Eddy wondering who tap the police station and what day it is. Arrow showed up in time to save Eddy anymore embarrassment and what happened is most def top 3 fight scenes network TV has ever delivered. Barry literally dragged Ollie through the streets as if they were tumblr and Ollie said something problematic on his twitter account. This lead Diggle, Caitlin, and Cisco discussing who’d win in a fight?
Cisco: Barry has super speed bro
Diggle: You know how many people my boy done merk’d with that bow?
Caitlin: …Bet you think Batman would beat Superman in a fight too huh
Diggle: Batman clearly has strategies designated for….
Meanwhile in the cold streets of Central City
Wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo, that’s that Rick Flair! Ollie had to dump the quiver then throw an arrow through Barry’s leg to get that boy down. He caught him in a sleeper, Dr. Wells and Joe West showed up with a rainbow strobe light to fix Barry. Barry came to sayin, “Man when I said them whole list of fucks I didn’t mean like… 15% of’em. They take care of Ray the metahuman offscreen, Caitlin calls him Rainbow Raider. With a name like that we see why his ass got handled off screen. Oliver tells everybody to get their fucking mouths shut over his secret identity and tells Felicity Dr. Wells may or may not be a fuxboy. He not too sure. At the Jitters Iris is now backing her man Eddy and Ollie tells Barry Iris is Bae of the Millennium but guys like them don’t get the girl. Also also runs into the mother of his child that is actually still alive and wasn’t lost like she told him on season two ….awkwaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaard. Flash meets Iris but she ain’t hearing him out since he quoted Kanye to her. Things are looking bleak for Barry…
But it’s about to get hot for Caitlin cause match box gawd Ronnie Raymond back!
**post credits Diggle is asking the real questions tho**
Show Comments
Tonia Cohen
Your recaps are always the best and special kudos for working in a Rick Flair reference!