And you say Central City! We return to the city with no speed limits to see Barry having to console Iris yet again on his failure to locate Eddie. He’s called in by Cisco who did some Sherlock shit on Wells’ wheel chair. Turns out there was more to the tricked-out low rider than deceiving folks of his paralysis.

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Wells apparently ordered the fucking All-Spark/Cosmic-Cube for his whip. He was using it as a battery to charge up his speed. Cisco deduces this is why he is so much faster than Barry Allen. Which means technically Wells been cheating in all his speed face offs against Barry, which is to say…(although he says, “he is that nice”) YOU NOT THAT NICE “WELLS”. The PSE&G alarm goes off indicating the particle accelerator is about to go on and the bill for Star Labs is about to sky rocket. Everyone figures that Wells has been hiding in Star Labs all along.

Joe, Cisco, and Barry all head down to the accelerator. Cisco has his orange drank in hand because if Wells is nearby then the liquid will give them an early warning as it’ll begin floating in the air and start reenacting the Janet Jackson & Busta Rhymes “What’s It Gonna Be” video.

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Wells sped by them with the ill NBA Jam cross-over. Barry speeds after him but Joe and Cisco realize Wells let one of the inmates out of their cells. Out comes Peek-a-Boo taking revenge on aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaayebody’s ass, man.

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Peek-a-Boo raised the interest on that ass whooping for everybody in Star Labs then put the combat boots and first-person shooter to Caitlin, but got knocked out by Iris wielding an over-sized wrench. I think now would be a great time for Star Labs to invest in getting the Sloman’s shield… or hiring security, cause this is just ridiculous.

After locking Peek-a-Boo back up Joe hears someone yelling for help.

Eddie: Heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeelp!! He’s been making me watch season 3 of Arrow on repeat! It’s sooo laaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaame!!!!

Joe goes down the way to discover where Wells was keeping Eddie, and Iris comes with and finds the ring Eddie was going to give her. Back topside Barry comes back winded but sees Eddie alive and partially well. Eddie tells them Wells was working on some futuristic tube thingy… as far as he could tell. Man, Eddie is like “Shit was weird and dude kept giving me freaking spoiler alerts for my future. This shit too weird for me. I’m going home.” Cisco realizes what Wells put in play and finds the device. The device doesn’t have an off switch, and being that it’s from Best Buy in 2025, there ain’t shit he can do to deactivate it.

Eddie goes back into work and is confronted by Iris. He told her earlier that the ring was for her but he was shown by Wells that she marries Barry. Now Iris is putting on the UBER front, saying that him finding out she marries Barry in the future means nothing because she decides her destiny. Eddie is like, “Yeah here’s the thing… It’s always been three people in this relationship and not like the fun way but the “behind red door section” in blockbuster way cause it’s been you, me and Barry. Soooooo let’s just dead that.

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The attention now turns towards the prisoners stuck in the particle accelerator. They need to be moved. Joe West puts his criminal justice PHD out there as he asks why these cats were just being held here and not being rehabilitated so they could go back into society eventually. The answer to that was Cisco saying, “Yeah, but that was before shit… got… hectic?” Barry goes to call in some favors to try and get them moved to Ollie’s prison on Lian Yu (Joe heard Ollie and was like “this shit goin’ to back-fucking-fiiiiiiire“), and Joe goes to The DA to hypothetically explain his dilemma. First and foremost, this DA is most def the bae of the district. She telling Joe “Nah… nooooope. Moving super-powered prisoners? I don’t hear anything, la-la-la-la-la-la-la.”

Joe tells Barry the police ain’t ’bout to do a damn thing for this shit. He could lose his badge, pension, the cool peacoat detective jacket they gave him for his birthday. All of that shit would be GONE. Barry already got the hook up from Lyla on a flight from Argus to transport the prisoners. However, without the police Barry has to make a tough call, which takes him to meeting Leonard Snart at his bar. Talking to Snart has got to be annoying cause this dude just makes cold puns, quips, and references 24/7. He purposely hits the jukebox to play Foreigner’s “Cold As Ice.” Alright man… we fucking get it, you’re into cold temperatures. It would’a been hilarious if it was the M.O.P. version but apparently Snart ain’t cold enough for that shit.

He tells Barry he’ll help him, but only if he can get him what he needs. He writes something down on a napkin, which I assume was a request for Beyonce tickets, and Barry was like, “You know how much that shit goes for now? Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooope. Find something else.” Back at Star Labs Snart reappears saying he has a new request. He wants all criminal records of him erased.

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Joe (straight up looking like Leon from The Professional) is asking Barry if he done lost his damn mind, but Barry is a man on the edge ’cause he ain’t got no more choices. Barry Hollywood Cole is going for the tough choice to save all these fuckboy(girl) inmates. Flash destroys all traces of Snart from record, and Cisco whips up a device attached to an 18-wheeler that will block the inmates’ powers as they are transported.

It’s one awkward ride as Cisco and Snart’s sister are driving up front. The sexual tension is awkward as he gives her a code name Golden Glider. They make it to the Ferris Air base in Central City which is where Argus’ plane will land for transport.

Snart: Thought this place was shut down.
Barry:Yeah it was when a test pilot disappeared after a crash…(breaks 4th Wall) HAL JORDAN COMIN’ Y’AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAALL!!

Everything is all going to plan, but then something happens where Cisco’s device is deactivated and all hell breaks loose. The villains straight up bust out (after damn near being about to murder one another when they woke up powerless in the back of the truck) and they’re just bucking off their abilities left and right.

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Shit starts looking like Marvel Ultimate Alliance as Joe is bucking off shots against Weather Wizard, Rainbow Raider got Caitlin wanting to choke out Cisco, and Barry gotta put the windmill to The Mist.

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After Barry gets knocked down, Snart is able to get everyone’s attention right quick:

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Snart then walks over to Barry to tell him, “Yeah, so I sabotaged this all from the get go. Oh you mad cause I gave my word? Yeah, well fuck my word, I’m a thief, dude. I rob, I hurt people, I sometimes make mixtapes about penguins and climate control to post on Tumblr… thats what I do. Don’t be mad at me, be mad at yaself.

Back at Star Labs Barry is in a bad way now and it’s time for Joe to come in and give him that real talk.

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And Oliver isn’t Batman… that damn sure ain’t the kinda hero he is.

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You know Joe been waiting the longest to talk that shit on Oliver. All that was missing from that speech was him ending it with “We Must protect this house!” As the count down for the Particle Accelerator reaches its end, Wells shows up outside on some “Come out and plaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay’aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay” Warriorz homage.

Wells: Good job with the inmates… saw how that went.
Barry: All part of your plan, I take it.
Wells: hm? Nah, not really, I ain’t even give a fuck about none of them. I been eating lobster bisque waiting for this countdown to finish. Why don’t you stop all this stopping me foolishness Barry, you know I’m that nice, man.
Barry: I mean, I could, but then… what would I tell my… squaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaad!!!

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Maaaaaaaan, Wells must have thought his ass was Lebron cause he was taking on 3 defenders at once. He straight up believed in himself. He blew back Ronnie with the windmill effect so Barry had to run at him and catch his ass for the save. Ollie saw his opening and hit’em with an arrow right quick.

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Arrow: Yeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah, dick move right? That arrow is filled with nanites from my connect, Ray Palmer. They’re going to cock block your speed.
Honey Mustard Flash: Then I will fight you with my Tai Chi from the future, and as a bonus I’m do that Winter Soldier “flip the object mid-fight” trick as well.
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Once he got caught trying to be fancy with the ass whooping, Wells vibrates the nanites out of his body then attacks Oliver again. He so reckless with the spoilers for his future as well.

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Barry comes in with the save on Ollie then leads Wells up the building infrastructure. They speed fight until Barry pulls his ass into that Firestorm Clap Back Trap.

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Yoooooooooooo, this guy got dropped off da fucking roof and onto somebody’s Prius!!! Yo imagine coming out to see that shit late night after working some long hours in accounting for Star Labs, man. You just wanna go home and then you see some cats in costume standing round YO WHIP that you still got like 65 payments on and that roof cracked in like fucking Darksied was krumping on it.

Barry: Damn Ronnie! Ronnie: I AIN'T TELL'EM TO LAND ON THE CAR! Ollie: Aye, I got warrants... I can't be here for this shit.
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Barry: Damn Ronnie! Ronnie: I AIN’T TELL’EM TO LAND ON THE CAR! Ollie: Aye, I got warrants… I can’t be here for this shit.

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Before Ronnie and Ollie bounce like they were playing stick ball in the street and broke a window, Oliver tells Barry he is going to need to cash in a favor… and to tell Eddie and Joe West to stop dragging his show and his name.

Barry: Ehhhh I’ll help you out but I can’t make any promises on Joe. *picks up Honey Mustard Flash*
Guy: WHAT THE FUCK Y’ALL DO TO MY CAR
Barry: Oh… was this your Prius? RUN, Y’ALL! RUN!!

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  • Omar Holmon is a content editor that is here to make .gifs, obscure references, and find the correlation between everything Black and Nerdy.

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