We hot on the scene as Barry Allen is in pursuit of the Royal flush gang. We seen these cats way back on Arrow up in Star City. They trying they’re luck on the loot in Central City now. The gang is on dirt bikes and decide to split up. Wells gives Barry some short cut maneuvers to cut them all off.

Wells: Alright Barry, listen close. Take a left, another left, right, right, left right, left..
Barry: Are you giving me directions or having me enter the Contra 99 lives cheat code?

Having helped Flash apprehend the wackest gang in the game. We see Wells up in his house on his R&R shit. He walking around cause again, ain’t shit wrong with his legs. Wells was letting that John Denver album knock but after a eerie phone call then hears a familiar voice talking that shit to him from a distance. It’s an old acquaintance out for some revenge. Wells does what any scientist of his stature would at that moment… get the burner.

I love how Wells’ initial thought process is gun over super speed. We got the police coming in to check the place and Barry investigating how the glass got shattered. Cesar and Caitlin looking round Well’s lavish MTV cribs level home realizing they need to ask for a raise. Joe West and Eddie looking around Wells’ place like, “Ummm how come there ain’t no ramps or handicap access up in this piece?”. It’s later that Wells tells the gang that this is the workings of Hartley Rathaway (we heard him name dropped in the Fire & Ice episode). He was set to take over Rathaway business but since he came out, he ain’t getting that inheritance ever cause old money stay scared money.

Wells goes on to explain how Rathway was brilliant, Cisco keeps it one hunna saying, “Yo that dude was a jerk from 9-5 and stayed overtime to be dick”. Joe West was laughing his ass off.

Joe: Yooooooo he just called dude a dick on The CW tho?! I’m done. Cisco you crazy for this one. Whooooo boy.. *sniff* Okay, I’m good. Keep talkin don’t mind me…

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We get a flash back of Harltley going hard in the fuckboy upon being introduced to Cisco on Cisco’s first day at STAR Labs, as well as going the extra mile to be a dick to Caitlin. Wells tells the crew that he and Hartley had a falling out. Joe looking at him for more detail like…

Joe West: Mutha fucka and? you don’t try and kill someone over a falling out unless that shit is over Mario Kart and I don’t see any blue shells around here.
Barry: It don’t matter. I’ma shut’em down. Joe lets hit the lab and do some fucking science man.

Iris gets a job working for the newspaper. They liked her blog so much they wanted her on the label. I don’t know why cause Iris Blog be looking like a Myspace page in 2004. She gets into the office and they hit her with the tempered glass ceiling fast. They only trying to hear her talk about The Flash 24/7. She then gets assigned a reporter to shadow and as soon as she utters her blog as credentials my man goes Funk Flex on her…

“Ya website is traaaaaaaash *bomb sfx* Does no numbers *bomb sfx* Even my mom has a blog *bomb fx* and her knitting blog got more followers than you *bomb fx*

Barry figures out Hartley was using sound to attack Wells. We then get word Hartley outside Rathaway company causing all the ruckus right now. Okay, I wanna respect Hartley for getting his villain on in broad daylight

However, I gotta just say, you out here in broad day lookin like Harry Potter in the cape from The Cape throwing a temper tantrum with what I assume is a watered down Nintendo power glove or cosplay Asami Equalist gauntlet. Plus lets keep it real…you stole your special effects from Sonya Blade’s Mortal Kombat ring projectile.

Still when Flash arrived on the scene? No lie, Hartley put sub woofers on’em.

Daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaamn, Barry got put through the glass something embarrassing. Barry then proceeded to get so fed up that he grabbed all the police batons in the vicinity and chucked them at Hartley like that hammer koopa from Mario Bros. Barry then runs and just simply takes dude’s Nintendo/cosplay gloves of’em.

Barry: Gimme those. You’re finished Har-… wait, are you cosplaying as The Cape?

Hartley gets the put behind them scientific bars but he was talkin shit to aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaayye body in the building along the way to his cell. He then proceeded to talk shit in different language to aaaaaaaaaaaaayebody as well. The shade was sooooooo thick. Cisco starts tampering with his gear and realizes he had the gloves set on beginner difficulty. Realizing this shit was a ruse he runs back to check Hartley and gets caaaaaaaaaaaaaught!!!

Cisco: Really hope nothing explodes in my — fuuuuuuck

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That shit flipped Cisco inside out like he got the clothesline from hell from John Bradshaw!! We see Wells try to take off but his speed failing him. He hits Barry on the celly but Hartley long gone now.

Wells later confesses to everyone that Hartley actually found some shit wrong with the particle accelerator so the only logical thing to do was have his ass arrested and threaten that if he snitched he’d be stuck teaching physics to high-school juniors. YOU CAN’T EVEN TEACHER SENIORS OF COLLEGE LEVEL! YOU GET THE JUNIORS KID!!. Thinking it’ll put things right with Hartley he holds a press conference where he announces this as well. He then gets asked if he is going to build another accelerator.

Wells: Weeeeeeelp, fuck answering that question. I-riiiiiiiiiis! What you wanna ask ya boy?
Iris: I believe you did not answer my dude’s question. You building another one or what?

Wells: Particle Accelerators? Who said anything bout particles? Chick you science’n? THEY’RE ONTO ME! DUCK OUT YALL!!

That press conference wasn’t enough for Hartley tho. He’s still wants his, so he holds a road on top a dam captive. That’s the most annoying villainous shit I done seen on any show. That’s a straight dickhead move like, what the fuck I got to do with you gettin revenge on The Flash with sub woofers? It’s 20 minutes till the kitchen closes at T.G.I.Friday. You ain’t going to be holding me up with this mess… plus since when is The Cape a villain anyway?


Flash arrives on the scene but Hartley had a trick up his sleeve, but first he starts off with clearing the bridge out with his super bass. Sun, I am double pissed off not only have you held me up in traffic but now you tossed my whip off a fucking dam? Come oooooooon! Most annoying villain ever!

Barry: Damn. Yall’s Geico agents goin be tiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight

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Hartley, now knowing the frequency which Flash is tuned to speed wise, (got it from STAR Labs) then proceeds to drop his skrillex beat to fuck up Flash heavy. It basically feels like Flash’s organs are being liquidated. We then see Wells jam Hartley signal using satellite radio via the cars… yep. Wells and XM Satellite Radio took down the bad guy. They made his gloves explode from feedback. Luckily his cape was still in tact.

Hartley: You know how long it took me to win the bid for these on E-bay!?!?!?

Well Hartley aka Pied Piper had his run and its back to jail for him… but not quite. He lets Cisco know,”You bout to let issue me a get out of jail free card. Cause I know what happened to Ronnie and…I know where he is and I can save him”. Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck! The Pied Piper bout to tune up the band again man.


  • Omar Holmon is a content editor that is here to make .gifs, obscure references, and find the correlation between everything Black and Nerdy.

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