Banshee Recap: A Cabin In The Woods

Season 4 / Episode 1 / Cinemax

Finally we back up in this muhfucker, man. We’re back in the town that stay trying to replace Gotham City as the hardest place on Earth — Banshee, Pennsylvania. We see Brock rocking that sheriff’s badge and walking through FernGully and Carcosa from True Detective to wind up at this abandoned cabin. He’s checking the place out with the nine out, turns the corner and sees muhfucking Grizzly Adams holding the shotty to him. Brock gotta be embarrassed that this Paul Bunyon muhfucka got the drop on him then he realizes, it’s none other than the former Sheriff Hood standing before him with with the Unibomber beard on one hunned.

Hood goes with Brock downtown to the police precinct and sees it’s a legit place now. It’s been about 18 months since Hood dropped off the grid and things have changed. Bunker sees Hood and can’t believe that it’s him… probably because the long hair and beard make Hood look like one of those white dudes that proclaim that they’re Jesus Christ returned to Earth. YOU KNOW THE LOOK I’M TALKING ABOUT.

Hood knows he’s in custody because there must have been a murder. Yeah, Banshee ain’t change that much. We find out there’s a murder — Rebecca (Proctor’s niece) GOT FUCKING GOT. I’m talking True Detective/Red Dragon got. These show runners don’t give a fuck, man. Anybody can get iced. I’m like, “Yooooooooo they got Becca, man? Bec’ got hit up for real?” She was last seen at the cabin Hood was located at. Somebody been getting the murder rate up in Banshee and Rebecca was the third victim. Hood has to submit a blood sample and he telling Brock,

Hood: Fuck me, you need to be looking at Proctor for this shit.
Brock: That’s a little more complicated nowadays.
Hood: What? Why? It’s not like he’s some high-ranked city government official that is in charge of the town or anything.

Cut to us finding out that Proctor is now mayor, thereby making him a high-ranked city government official in charge of the town and shit. Kai holding back thug tears having to talk about Becca getting Hannibal Lecter’d. Back at the precinct, Bunker has to let these two perps go (these guys choked out an old dude) since the DA is in Proctor’s pocket. Brock tells Bunker they goin talk about it later since THEY’RE SNITCHES UP IN THIS MUHFUCKA (as he not-so-subtly looks back at Deputy Cruz). Carrie is outside the police station WAITING on these cats though.

She has to go to this mandated evaluation in order to get her kids back. She’s talking about working on the house in order to get over her grief… BUT WE DON’T BELIEVE YOU CARRIE, YOU NEED MORE PEOPLE. Carrie out here getting through her issues the ski mask way as she beats the male privilege off the perps that walked out of the precinct, breaking fingers and all.

Meanwhile Hood is flashing back to when he went Zero Dark Thirty, the “Thirty” being the number of bottles of Vodka he was consuming. He was in a hotel room with the nina to his melon (gun to his head for the non-urban folk) thinking about how Job was captured, Gordon was dead, Siobhan got the reverse chiropractic neck massage. Son was about to end it all. Luckily, Rebecca found him and convinced him to live on Proctor’s land rent-free. Listen, if the rent is right I’ll live in the cabin from The Sound of Music too.

Cut to Bunker and a woman friend getting their consensual sex on (no big deal right?) then we cut to Clay Burton. Clay looking at some Red Bones (The gang not the… the gang) and he got his glasses off. Y’ALL KNOW CLAY BURTON DON’T KNOW HOW TO ACT WHEN HE GOT HIS GLASSES OFF! My man throwing throat jabs on cats and had time to fucking field goal kick a dude in the face. One dude pulls a knife on him and I’m like, do none of y’all carry a piece? Also, you just saw him field goal kick ya mans in the face… you really think getting in close with this guy is a good idea? Red Bones are selling drugs in Proctor’s turf, which is a violation of their “agreement” with Kai. Calvin Bunker is at work and gets the call that he needs to come in from his Nazi Brotherhood meeting about these Red Bones pushing on the Aryan territory.

Son, Calvin trying to leave work and GETTING PUNKED BY HIS BOSS STRAIGHT BILL LUMBERGH STYLE, YO! HOW YOU ARYAN AS FUCK BUT GETTIN’ PUNKED BY A PERSON OF COLOR AT YOUR DAY JOB?! YEAH, CAUSE THAT PAYCHECK MAKE YOU PUT THAT RACISM ON HOLD TILL AFTER 5PM, HUH? I. was. dying. Clay got this dude in a fucking wedge so Calvin can take care of him. Calvin pops off about what’s wrong with America and his tax dollars paying for the Red Bones reservations before killing him. Clay Burton hit him with the “Don’t make me have to come down here again.”

Meanwhile Hood finally goes back to see Sugar. He gets his ass chewed out a bit too since he disappeared for so long. I mean I get that he was living off the land and shit, but like… did no one see him take trips to the Shop Rite or Bed Bath & Beyond at all during those 18 months? Hood gets a car from Sugar to go investigate Rebecca’s crime scene. He runs into Proctor and they renew their “fuck you,” “Yeah, well fuck you too” relationship. Proctor gives Hood a start at where to look for answers. Brock sees them together and is like, “Ahhhhh shit. These cats back at it again? Ugh… I’mma snitch and tell Carrie that Hood back.”

Flash back to a few months ago where Hood tracks down the guy that got him into the Black Ops units and Special Forces off-the-books life. He wants to know where Job is and he and Carrie done went and killed homie’s security detail and put a bullet in his knee. Homie is saying that Hood already knows Job is dead. “You know how this game works, baby. It’s cloak and dagger shit, son. Ya mans and dem is goooone.” Then a fucking Black Hawk chopper appears out of nowhere. Who the fuck are you when your home gets invaded and a chopper comes to rescue you? Well actually, Hood shot that dude in the fucking head, so I wouldn’t say rescue, and the dude manning the gun on the chopper must have been a storm trooper in another life because HE COULDN’T HIT CARRIE AND HOOD FOR SHIT AS THEY WERE LITERALLY RUNNING IN AN OPEN FIELD. They get back to Sugar’s and Hood knows that the dude he killed was telling the truth. This is the part that broke Hood.

Calvin went to Bunker’s place to try and smooth out him having his boys torch his fucking chest and then get offended when Bunker informs him they ain’t brothers anymore. Calvin comes home and he is playing with his kids and he calls to his wife to tell her that he’s in. His wife comes down and it’s such a loving OOOOOH HOLY SHIT SHE’S THE WOMAN FRIEND THAT WAS HAVING CONSENSUAL SEXUAL RELATIONS WITH BUNKER!

Hood finally gets back on his ol’ DUMB SHIT and cuts the “white guy that’ll proclaim he’s Jesus” beard and Def Leopard roadie hair. Hood is somewhat back, he ain’t go for the buzz cut. He got a dangerous hipster haircut going on. I’ll fuck with it. He goes up to the lead Proctor directed him to. The dude whose hand he blew off back in season one. The dude has a hook for a hand now and Hood wastes no time getting answers by putting the chrome to my man’s good hand. He knows something about Becca’s death and it’s mostly that his shit-for-brains nephew was getting it on with her, so he may know what happened. Hood leaves him and is greeted by a mob of people that will never amount to shit in their life telling him, “You in the wrong hood, Hood.” (Get it? ‘Cause his fake last name is Hood so I… whatever.)

They got the guns on Hood and he again pulls out the macbook chrome, google chrome, chrome piece and is telling cats to jump if they feeling froggy. Brock comes in and saves his ass while also putting the butt of his shotgun a good 3 feet into the ring leader’s beer belly. Hood straight nodded in approval of that shit. Brock knows Hood is working an angle but Hood ain’t saying nothing.

Brock: Oh you just goin keep the tough guy act even though I just saved you from getting lit up by this crowd of Led Zepplin fans? Word? That’s what you do now, Hood? You get a Tobey Maguire Spider-Man 3 emo haircut and don’t say thank you to folks? That’s what’s hot in the streets after being away for damn near two years? Okay… OOOOOKAY.

Need more Banshee? Check out this interview with Banshee‘s Ivana Milicevic, who plays Carrie, AKA Anastasia.

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