Tons of Beauty, Mediocre Action, and Eye Rolls for Days: ‘Charlie’s Angels’ Review

From the jump, it’s very clear that this is a movie about women, for women, by women. Usually that’s a good thing — and then there’s the 2019 Charlie’s Angels. I didn’t think this reboot sequel would amount to anything until Elizabeth Banks was attached to direct. Optimism washed over me. I saw the trailer and hit my TV with the Regina King side eye of disgust. Banks’ acting is usually spot on, and I ride for both the Hunger Games and Pitch Perfect movie series (Don’t get Omar started on PP2), so I had pretty high expectations for Elizabeth Banks.

From the Beginning… The high school quality montage of girls playing soccer, a woman plowing through white water rapids, and every visual iteration of empowerment sets the assertive tone that the Angels are here to slay in every way. This strong messaging will please plenty of people who see Charlie’s Angels, but the way it repeatedly happens during the 118 mins too long of a run time, was too much for my tastes. It’s as if Banks and her team binge-watched every Fast and the Furious movie for research and thought, “This…but with fists and Angels”. If you go into the theater hoping for a beautiful rendition of woke culture in 2019, temper your expectations because you’re in for many eye roll inducing moments during this ride on the pain train. Hit and Miss Casting Placing Kristen Stewart in this movie was a red tide rotting fish, hot garbage move. How do you take the 2nd most mundane actress in Hollywood (sorry Liv Tyler, you h…