counterpart no mans land

Counterpart Recap: No Man’s Land, Part Two

  • Season: 1 / Episode: 10 / Starz

    ***Spoilers be coming down from management on the fourth floor via Hal 9000. Previous COUNTERPART recaps are here***

    Maaaaaan, listen. It’s night of the living fucking dead outchea. Or night of the fucking lucky they weren’t on the business end of an automatic weapon smuggled into the office. Shit is pandemonium and HIB somewhere on a subway way the hell away from this.

    Meanwhile, the last children of the corn bastard done dragged his bleeding ass all the way to the crossing and propped himself up on the block like he setting up a gotdamn lemonade stand. Aldrich and the housekeepers can’t even touch him cuz that is the fuckin’ grey zone if there ever was one.

    Judas Pete wakes up (boo) to see his father-in-law talking about the tragedy on the news. JP up in the hospital bed with a fractured clavicle. But Lying Ass Clare walks in, fuckin’ fresh, wearing some boot heels and shit like the concerned dotting wife. What in all fucks, man? Who is she X-23?!?! She got two bandages on her forehead and a brain full of bad intent while sipping a latte watching these folks get scurried into emergency vehicles. I say, gotdamn man. SAC. Don’t. Give. A. Fuck.

    She’s like, Pete, you ain’t seen shit yet fam. Also, you ain’t discharged yet, but I’m gonna go home and be with our daughter waiting for you come home so we can be one conniving ass family again.

    What’s a Colorful, Dimension Hopping Way to Say “Shit just hit the fan?”

    On Prime, Strategy is all in a tizzy and Emily Prime is like, man, don’t try and run that bullshit bruh. We know what went down over there. We got the plug, nahmean. Shaw is like, yeah, your people been going behind your back, fam. We did this shit. If you go on there with that thoughts and prayers bullshit, it’s gonna blow up on us.

    Howard the Lame debriefing with Raash cuz Howard wants to get back home. Raash is like, “yo, he at the church, but this is a deal with the devil. Also, the devil don’t make deals.” Howard the Lame gave him the Jordan just hit 6 three-pointers in one half shoulder shrug and bounced. Aldrich and Cyrus checking the bodies of folks that got body snatched and these muthafuckas ain’t even cleaned up. Baldwin left these bastards out with the garotte still around their neck cuz they wanted folks to know the deal. Cyrus wants to go back to SAC cuz WE’VE ALREADY BEEN GIVEN A DOZEN LEADS FOR THAT but now Aldrich wants to be politically sensitive cuz she’s not the director’s daughter. He wants to chase down HIB to see what the story is.

    It Was All Good 30 Years Ago…

    At the office shit is all bad son. Like, actually the worst. There are folks with their insides on the outside that ain’t been cleaned off the floor yet fam. Because his Splinter Cell partner told him to, Judas Pete comes into work looking like he just stepped out the hospital bed. His pops in law, Rolanda aka Diplo aka “I’ve resisted the urge to call him Toby Z-Diplomat all season” in there assessing the damage.

    Judas Pete trying to explain the “Problems” that him and SAC been having…which is supposed to explain why he almost killed her by driving full speed into an unmovable object, but Diplo done seen some thangs man. He recognizes that Helen of Prime walked right past him when the killing started and can’t figure out why.

    Counterpart Recap: No Man's Land, Part Two

    Diplo tells him about the still living assassin and puts together that Judas Pete knew this shit was coming…but still lets him off the hook cuz of his guilt. Man, JP got more lives than a little bit, man. Management aka Bruh Man from the 4th floor wants to meet and JP got a front row seat.

    Killmonger Voice: Is This your Management?!

    On Prime, they doing the same shit, getting ready to meet with Management from the 4th floor.

    But management is a basically a VR machine with blinking lights and a CB radio. This is the closest the plebs get to meeting management. An Xbox One with headphones and a translator.

    On Prime, it’s just one simple question: The Fuck, yo? Why Strategy pass that shit to EPMD like that shit was hot potato though?

    Maaaan, listen. JP and EPMD talking to Management side by side about how this shit went down. The plans, the Indigo school, the secret agents, all of this shit coming out. Except for SAC. But everything else is coming out. EPMD recommends to Prime Management that they disavow the assassins. Earth proper arguing about retrieving dude from no man’s land or not. In the end, nobody wants to claim shit and EPMD apoplectic over it. She can see the long game, but nobody else want to get in this dirt, so here we are.

    Oh, and JP got thanked by Management for his excellent work. This muthafucka here.

    Baldwin, My Nadia, I Hate it Had To Be You

    Baldwin roll up in Greta’s crib but Great been on the google machine fam. Like this shit hard to find. For an assassin, Baldwin can’t lie for shit. She toss out about 4 different toddler fables that stood no chance but Greta ain’t buyin’ any of this shit. Baldwin is broken all the way up fam. But…also, how is Greta still alive man? Baldwin leaves after Greta already said she was going to call the police, saw her gun AND kicked her out. I know Baldwin finally found someone to love her…but you’re also a professional so…

    Howard done left a note at her place talking about “you’re everything I hoped you would be.” If that don’t sound like some last words shit fam… He up in the church waiting to talk to Pope. They go to the study to talk that business.

    Look man, I don’t like Cyrus cuz he shot Nadia the maestro in cold fucking blood, but I’m with dude being pissed about this SAC shit. Ayebody that knows anything about this situation knows Clare is all kinds of fucked up and involved. He just sitting outside the house patiently waiting for a track to explode on. After the mom leaves, he’s like nah fuck this and walks up in the crib.

    By the Way…

    YOUR BOY STILL DYING IN THE THOROUGHFARE BRUH. Finally, one of the Prime Guards breaks ranks and decides to go give him some water. But he dead now. Word gets back to Earth proper that dude bled out and they respond by closing the fucking doors. They building the wall Trump promised fam.

    Thus endeth, Diplomacy.

    HIB calls up Aldrich to let him know he out. But Aldrich is like, yeah…so I can’t guarantee E-Coma’s safety. The Crossing is closed and Aldrich is like, yeah, you wanna act like you running, but you Howard the Lame now. And your wife is unprotected so [terrorist from Taken voice] “Good Luck.”

    Howard meeting with Pope and emptying all of his feelings. Pope look like he could give a fuck. Pope is like, you asking for my help, but fam…I tried to kill her before…might try that shit again to be honest. Yeah…Pope ain’t impressed. He’s more concerned with breaking down Howard. To the fucking gristle. This…this was a terrible mistake.

    Pope, Blessed is He

    Pope got all the receipts. He pulls out the letters that E-Coma sent HIB. HIB been having an espionage affair with Howard’s wife man. But Howard ain’t trying to hear it. And Pope is like…we’re done here then. Pope pulls out the roscoe and is about to give Howard that good night…but them HIB instincts kicked in!

    Howard grabs a fire poker and knocks Pope clean the fuck out…or…worse?

    Meanwhile, HIB BAAAACK. He at the hospital…but so is Baldwin…and also Aldrich and all of housekeeping. Baldwin comes in to put E-Coma into permanent status, but HIB already there and stops her. They making a deal cuz he knows Aldrich plans to kill them both. Housekeeping knows the jig is up and closes in on the building.

    Counterpart Recap: No Man's Land, Part Two

    HIB is like, yo, here’s a bag full of money. Time to walk away fam. Baldwin is like…well, feels like a big bag of money so cool.

    Ayebody Can Get This Murder

    Man…housekeeping was not ready. Baldwin must have killed like four of these muthafuckas with five bullets. HIB tries to sneak out but Aldrich gets the drop on him…until Baldwin puts two in him too. So, that must make Cyrus the last surviving member of housekeeping…Earth proper getting wiped the fuck out man.

    And yeah, also…Pope dead as fuck. Shaw shows up (with his housekeeping) and is like…yeah, Howard, this sucks. And I know you ain’t HIB. Having said that…y’all ain’t different at all. Man…they done black masked your boy and put him in isolation. This is all the way fucked up. Your boy was just trying to visit his wife in the hospital one day and now he being shipped off to Abu Graib.

    Oh, remember when I said Cyrus was the last surviving member of housekeeping? My bad. SAC basically wading around in Cyrus’ blood like it was a kiddie pool. She claims he attacked her but like…who fucking knows man. and JP is like…how can I further dig my own grave? Please give me instruction.

    How to Deal With Your Bae’s Ex From Another World

    EPMD gets home and Shaw been there stewing, y’all. He tells her that Pope is a memorial now and that it was done by her not-ex. Shaw like, yeah…you could’ve told me bruh…so I guess we done and I’ll do you the favor of keeping your name out of what comes next.

    JP at the bar…why this fucker is out the house I don’t know. HIB rolls up on him and tells him that Aldrich is on the other side. And he don’t mean Earth Prime. They strike up a deal to not say shit about the either one. Also, HIB says, “no one says anything about your wife as long as nothing happens to mine.” JP catches that shit like…your wife?

    Fam…I mean…what if…that actually was his…you know what, I can’t right now. I just can’t.

    Ok, HIB, This is Actually Fucked Up, Fam

    And what happened to Howard? Fam, they done gave this man the smallest cubicle with a high ominous window. Just locked away like a fucking winter coat once June hits. HIB though…this man out here running free. Putting flowers in the vase at the hospital. Reading E-Coma poetry. Who the fuck? Of course, E-Coma finally squeezes HIB’s hand back…

    …and that’s where we at man. HIB literally living Howard’s best life, Howard rotting like a prison of war and immigration control at an all-time high. What we supposed to do now man? It’s all fucked up now!

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    counterpart no mans land

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    • William is the Editor-In-Chief, leader of the Black Knights and father of the Avatar. With Korra's attitude, not the other one.

    • Show Comments

    • Evil Ninja (@EvilNinjaX24)

      “Management aka Bruh Man from the 4th floor” – dude. /dead

      It IS all fucked up now. Howie just got all the raw deals. His life got flipped/turned upside down with the quickness, and ain’t no Uncle Phil to bail him out. Also “Fam…I mean…what if…that actually was his…you know what, I can’t right now. I just can’t.”?!?!? NO. NO, sir. NO.

    • Green

      I love your recaps. Keep up the good work. And also? I will miss this show so I up they have another season soon.

    • Green

      *hope* (not enough caffeine yet)

    • Phdinweed

      Your recaps were must-reads for me all season. Will you be recapping any other shows?

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