If you ever find yourself pitted against Gina Rodriguez in any game or competition, walk away (if running isn’t an option). Celebrities, don’t let your agent hype you up about “this’ll be good publicity” or “a fun time”, nah. The best thing you can do for your peace of mind and your career is take the “L”.
I say this, because, earlier today, I was on Facebook minding my business when I came across a clip from Drop The Mic. That James Cordon show where celebrities battle rap against one another. I’m pretty eeeeh on it cause it’s basically a Whole Foods version of Smack URL battles. It’s hosted by Method Man tho, so that’s enough reason to give it a shot, right. I’m scrolling through and I see Rob Gronkowski is on there pitted against Gina Rodriguez (Cutz if you nasty). I know instantly, that this isn’t going to go well for Gronk.
Off the strength, I know that his agent didn’t do their due diligence since he’s about to try to slap box with gawd. Gronk needs more people in his camp more concerned with his safety cause the fact that he accepted this battle means nobody did their research on what the fuck Gina Rodriguez does in these “friendly” competitions on tv.
Gina Rodriguez is a fuckin problem. For real for real. Ain’t shit friendly bout Gina Rodriguez when you’re here opponent. Ain’t shit play-play when Gina Rodriguez is standing across from you. You know when the referee comes out between boxers and says, “I want a good clean fight”? You not going to get that fucking with Gina Rodriguez. Need I remind you what she did to Wilmer Valderrama on Lip Sync Battle? We ain’t seen that man since. That’s when I first knew Gina Rodriguez (Yeah, I say her whole name like “A Tribe Called Quest” each time, out of respect”) was a killer.
Long story short, this shit wasn’t even a rap battle. Gina Rodriguez fucked around and turned this into an episode of The First 48. She bar’d that man to death. To death, my guy. Didn’t even have to use battle rapper hands against him. Just bars. Each round.
Don’t even get me started on the last round, man. You know that feeling when you’re watching someone get embarrassed and then you start getting embarrassed for them? Yeah. Imagine that with Goku’s kaio-ken times ten. I mean, there’s something to be said about Gronk being brave enough to try and slay the dragon. I’m sure there’s something noble in that act… but you’re not fucking with this gangsta.
Fam, Gina Rodriguez (still saying the whole thing) had the best flow of any guest. Period. It’s not that awkward “first time trying really hard rapping” slow flow. No. That’s what makes this shit so unfair. She’s on Mario Kart 200 CC, man. I can tell even though she knew she had this shit in the bag she was still in in her green room doing push ups, pull ups, and dips with no hands. Hoodie up practicing rhymes in the mirror 8-mile style. NO MOM’S SPAGHETTI! Look at her hair all braided up, that ain’t cutesy shit, that’s battle-ready, shit.
Even when she knows she’s winning she’s throwing salt on the would with no evidence of a fuck given. She’s letting dude know that it’s causing her physical pain to get these bars off. It’s physically painful… but she still goin’ drop’em. Somebody gotta get the L and it damn sure won’t be her.
This is the second body Gina Rodriguez caught on national television (R.I.P. Wimer Valderrama, we miss you). I’m sure folks gotta sign a waiver before squaring off against Cutz. Let this be a warning to everyone. Don’t step to Gina Rodriguez, just don’t do it. You can tell she has mastered the holy trinity of competitive games which are Mario Kart, Spades, and Taboo.
Aye, I’ma close this the same way I opened it. If your agent books you on some show where there’s a competition saying it’ll be “good publicity” or ” a fun time” Ask who you’re opponent is. I repeat, ask who your opponent is. If they say, Gina Rodriguez, you better drop out because you do not want that smoke with Gina Rodriguez. Lemme say it again, you do not want that smoke with Gina Rodriguez aka Cutz aka Jane The Virgin aka “I’ll battle anybody” aka America Chavez in the flesh. You’ll get embarrassed… and Method Man will come from Randy Orton (outta nowhere) and let you know ya ass got cooked boi.