Season 2 / Episode 18 / The CW
And you say Central City!
“Sometimes terrible things happen to us when we’re children. Things that can define who we become, whether we want them to or not.”
The Flash gets dark in “Versus Zoom.” We dive into the Zoom/Hunter Zolomon origin story and the ramifications of childhood trauma, without an amazing support system in place. We flashback to 15 years ago: Young Hunter Zoloman is forced to watch his father beat the brakes off his mother and just as lil homie was about to run off to hide and contemplate childhood, dad of the year tells his son to stay put as he takes a gun to mom dukes. This that kind of Ted Bundy, Marilyn Manson, Son of Sam type shit that would scar the strongest of youngins.
What you go through makes you stronger.[/quote_simple]
Barry out here feeling like Sonic after he tossed on dem red speed shoes. He’s going 4 times faster than he ever has and is more ready than ever was to confront Zoom. Barry and Cisco back on their Need for Speed game giving the Tachyon enhancement a Speed Force test drive. The homie is rippin’ through dem streets like Ricky Williams on a Miami midnight ride. 1.7 mins later, he’s being unappreciative AF when he asks Harry Wells, can we get this thing smaller? Disrespecting the science God.
Tweaking the device he used to use to steal Flash’s speed, it’s now used to boost it with the help of the tachyon enhancement. He’s going 4x faster than he ever has. He’s running faster than Zoom. He definitely must’ve be feeling himself when Barry asks Iris if she wants to kick it, but she has other plans being back out here on her single ladies game, going on dates with Scott, her new editor. More on that later…
Wally inspires Barry to think about Cisco’s doppleganger, Reverb, who could use his powers of manipulating the multi-verse to open up another breach to Earth-2. Cisco is like, umm, I guess I could give that a shot, while Harry Wells like, are you out yo got damn all natural electrified mind?! You want to give Zoom another shot at kidnapping and murdering my daughter? You want to challenge the man that has repeatedly ended your superhero career? He turned your legs into chicken noodle soup. He took certain liberties with your spinal cord that you will never get back. He slapped yo momma, told you about it then beat the snot out yo ass for even attempting to tell him not to. He crip walked all up and down your backbone and gelatinous legs. Don’t try to open up another breach bro, you’re just asking for another round of Knockout Kings 2000.
Barry: OK Cisco, let’s do this!
Only thing is, Cisco’s unsure if he can even open a breach, let along the fact that homie is shook out of his mind that he might end up going all Dark Side once bestowed with infinite abilities.
Harry Wells pays Joe a visit and tries to get him to convince Barry to stop this wild crusade to end Zoom’s reign of terror. Joe knows it ain’t happenin’. Joe knows Barry, and Barry must be a Taurus because that man decides something and sticks to it despite all the haters, naysayers, and valid arguments made against his occasionally idiotic ideas. Wells sits on that one for a moment.
Safe to say, he realizes it’s Team Barry or Team GoFuqYaself.
Barry and Cisco are in one of those classic “Central City evildoer” warehouses. This time it’s not to find some unsuspecting guaranteed-to-get-bodied crook; nah, they up in the spot that happens to be emitting the most trans-dimensional energy throughout the city. Barry is pushing Cisco to harness his inner Jedi skills and open up another breach. This would be the place to evolve and unleash those dormant powers! Cisco begins to warp the entire world around him. Zoom/Hunter Zoloman immediately senses this and runs to the Earth-2 location of the breach. Just as things were looking all Doctor Strange trippy, Cisco holds back. He tells Barry he’s not about this all mighty power life and is gone with the quickness.
Wally calls poppa Joe West to inform him that he will no longer be living on campus after finding out how much things actually cost when you’re not on your Paul Walker flow bringing in thousands of illegal racing dollars on a weekly basis.
Joe: I got dough, you got dough!
Wally: Nah I don’t want to go that route. Appreciate it though.
Joe: What? Come on, son. You paid for all your moms hospital bills, it’s the least I can do.
Wally: Nope. Not taking your money. I’ll figure something out.
Joe: Well, alright. Hit my jack if you need that hookup.
Barry: Joe, you’re an idiot. Father of the Year no doubt, but a fool in this instance. Wally doesn’t want you to pay for his housing, he wants to stay in your house.
Joe: Hmmm, damn I raised my kids well. Thanks, Bear.
Meanwhile, the CW soft piano music is playing beautifully as Iris and Caitlin slide off and have a nice little heart to heart.
Caitlin: You ain’t low Iris. I see you with them stupid ass googly eyes every time you look at Barry. What’s good with you boo thang, you feelin’ the kid again?
Iris: I mean, Barry can get it. No, but in all seriousness, I was supposed to be on a date right now. Instead I found myself staring at Barry’s chiseled buttocks writing Iris Allen all over the back page of my notebook being drawn to that scarlet sex symbol saving the city day in and day out.
Caitlin: You ain’t never told no lie.
Iris: Look at the facts, Caitlin. We’re married on Earth-2. We take a pill in Ibeza and find love in the future. What in the hell am I supposed to do with these undeniable facts?
Caitlin: I don’t know girl, but you saw how easily Barry told Patty to kick rocks. Even if he won’t admit it, I know the idea of you him together someday played a part in that decision. Your move, Iris West.
Wally stops by and Joe surprises young Gohan with a stripped room ready for Wally to move in.
Wally: What’s all this?
Joe: Your room, if you want it.
Wally: No funny?
Joe: Honest Abe flow.
Wally: *6 God Prayer Hands*
Joe: Just know dem dishes better be done, that bed better be made, and ain’t one ounce of beer or Henny goin’ down in here!
Man hug alert.
Takes a little while, but Barry tracks down Cisco and keeps it a buck with the homie.
Barry: The Flash gets shook ever now and then too. You ain’t the only one who has to second guess wielding God-like powers. You think it was all ice cream sprinkles and confetti cupcakes when I RAN BACK IN TIME, SON? You think it was all gravy when I found out that I could turn my friggin’ hand into chainsaw, b? Ever think about how freaked out I was when I phased through my first wall? This superhero shit ain’t easy, but I believe in you homie. AND I’ll be there with you every step of your journey. So how bout we get back out there, hit up that suspect ass warehouse and rip open the space time continuum?
Cisco: WE OUT!
*Beyoncé’s “Upgrade U” plays softly in the background*
Harry Wells realizes how correct Joe West was and decides to stop fighting Barry on this quest and instead aid him in his endeavors. He pulls up holdin’, ready to bless the nerds with that new new.
Harry: Just one minute, Mr. Ramon. You ain’t shit.
Cisco: Ohhh, schrodengers cat! Reverb’s shades?
Harry: Calibrated to our Earth. Good luck out there, gentlemen.
Central City’s sketchiest warehouse: Cisco out here performing a C-Section on the universe and Zoom immediately jumps through the breach. Barry is FEELINNNNN’ himself with that enhanced speed! He tells Zoom it’s time for a good ol’ fashioned foot race.
They take off and Barry is putting dem Dale Earnhardt numbers on the board! Their battle through the city streets is amazing to behold. These show runners have really perfected that aspect of the show and we thank them every time Barry gets to light up the city chasing after or being chased by some big baddie. But it’s not all about Barry stuntin’ on Zoom, flaunting his new prowess, the S.T.A.R. Labs squad has a plan in place that will see this season’s antagonist caught in trap. Barry lures Zoom to S.T.A.R. Labs where Team Flash has set up some triggering images from Hunter Zoloman’s extremely fucked up childhood. Cardboard cutouts of Hunter’s parents cause him to stop dead in his speedy tracks just long enough to be cuffed to the floor of S.T.A.R. Labs.
Before we move on, I must drop some critical Flash knowledge on the haters out there poppin’ that shit saying that using the cardboard cutouts of Hunter’s parents was lame or a weak, unimpressive move that holds no merit or value.
CISCO HAS ALWAYS BEEN ABOUT THIS CARDBOARD CUTOUT LIFE! Don’t forget it.
The team comes out of hiding in the super secret Eobard Thawne future room and so begins the verbal sparring match between Hunter Zoloman and Team Flash.
Team: You, sir, are a murderous piece of shit that deserved nothing more than to be left in the tip of a used condom. WHY, HUNTER, WHY?
Zoom: How did you figure out who I was?
Barry: Your one mistake was showing Caitlin your doppleganger. She knew some fishy shit was goin’ down you evil fuck boy.
Zoom: I had to get her nosey ass off my case somehow.
Team: Did you really kill Jay? Or did you create a speed mirage to pull that one off?
Zoom: Come on guys, no one is THAT fast. To make that happen, and consequently force Barry to do everything in his power to get faster, so he could try and defeat me, I had to go back in time and convince past me to volunteer himself to be murder-death-chopped. Ya know, when I sit back and think about the things I’ve accomplished, I really impress myself.
Caitlin: *Wipes away a tear* *Thinks to herself* How did I get suckered by this monster?
Barry: What about the man in the iron mask?!
Zoom: Oh you wouldn’t even believe that one if I told you.
Sidebar: I swear, this man in the mask reveal better be one of the most epic surprises in comic book TV history
Zoom: Well it was fun chatting with you fine Earth-1 folks, but I really must be going.
Aaaaand S.T.A.R. Labs continues to be the easiest superhero hideout to break into and escape from.
Doesn’t take long for the team to find out Zoom’s plan to get The Flash’s speed this time around. Just kidnap his brother and hold him captive in the Earth-1 version of Ascension Cliffs.
They debate the best plan of action. Use Barry’s new speed to try to run up in there and zip Wally out? Nah that wouldn’t work. No time to put the beats on Zoom, he’d just go out and nab some other unsuspecting victim. And this is where I have beef with this episode. Rather quickly, Barry comes to the conclusion that the only way out of this predicament is to give Zoom what he wants: all of Barry’s speed. Are these people serious? You ’bout to gift wrap the greatest Call of Duty care package in history to the guy that has tortured, murdered, and terrorized those you love and an entire city? Nah, I can’t get down with this decision, but Team Flash sure does get behind Barry. Cisco taps in the universe and reaches out to Zoom to let him know that they will meet his demands and trade Flash’s speed for Wally’s safe return.
Zoom rolls up in milliseconds, THIRSTY for that speed juice. Then things get weird. Zoom hands over Wally, then takes his mask off and tells the team to chop chop on getting him that speed force wheat grass shot. Then he sorta just hangs in S.T.A.R. Labs until Harry, Caitlin, and the rest of the scientists can drain Barry like a venomous spider liquifying the innards of their prey and sucking out the tasty bits.
Late episode shockers:
Team Flash drains Barry’s speed and hands it over to Zoom who takes a whole .6 seconds to infuse that shit into his system! He immediately begins to roid rage the fuck out and gets ready to end Barry’s life.
Suddenly we hear a voice that we haven’t much of this season. Caitlin comes out of the left field with the ill guilt trip. Zoom stands there ready to send his machete hand throughout the powerless body of Mr. Allen… but he doesn’t do it. Instead he pulls the ill Bowser move and kidnaps Caitlin on his way out of S.T.A.R. Labs.
[title type=”h2″]Flash Facts:[/title]
That line Zoom shouted when he broke out of his shackles was dope. Gave me the ill flashback to Will Smith’s amazing performance in I am Legend.
Social Media Metahuman App watch: Wasn’t necessary this go round, as Zoom brought the static straight to the Flash’s front door.
What the hell was the squad doin’ camping in the Thawne future lair? Irrelevant. At least it led to this beauty.
Caitlin, is that you? You did something of importance this week? Writers, stop sleeping on this woman’s acting skills and give her something to do besides being the damsel and occasional arm candy!
Very interesting scene after Wally gets kidnapped. Zoom tells him that the reason he kidnapped him was because he’s someone that The Flash cares about. Wally was just staring at him like, “You got the wrong guy. Flash gives 0 fucks about me.” Little does Wally know…