The Walking Dead: Cuffing and Hunting Seasons

So let’s list some horribly awkward things that can happen when you have sex with someone for the first time.

Stranger bursts in while you are still butt ass naked? Yep. Worse yet, he only bursts in after escaping from your woefully inadequate holding cell and going through your whole camp like he’s the love child of a cat burglar and an IRS audit. Stranger tells your bedmate’s kid that you were just having sex by using the phrase “I’m… waiting for your mom and dad to get dressed.” You are not his mom. You are only barely dressed. You still smell like sweat and spearmint. You walk out half-dressed and your kid just looks at you like “get dressed?” while you zip up your pants and avoid eye contact. All of your friends walk into the you-getting-dressed scene and seem more concerned about your coital status than the stranger who has broken into your house. They stare from you to the dude you just bedded to his kid to you. Despite the trench coat wearing intruder holding your painting in his hands. Later, you have to awkwardly say to your kid, “I was gonna tell you about me and Michonne, but it just happened. It just happened. Last night.” I was cringing like please don’t ramble your way into listing positions. Can you for once try to establish and maintain healthy boundaries? And then when he looks at you like, “Wasn’t you just killing Pete because you were trying to literally steal his wife?” you have to be say, “This is different.”

Which is to say: fuck your afterglow, Ric…