It’s Christmas time in the mean streets of Star City. You know who’s in the giving season? Ra’s Al Ghul. He ain’t giving out gifts tho. Oh, no, no, no, **R&B Voice * NOOO-O-O-O-OOOOOOOOO. Ra’s is giving out ass whoopings and he is trying to cash this check on the ass of whoever killed Sara. Ollie got delivered in front of Nyssa as if his ass was a Fresh Direct drop off. She tells him he got 48 hours to end this weak ass season 3 murder mystery and find out who killed Sara or they gonna start GTA’ing civilians. Also we see that Maseo (dude that housed Ollie in Honk Kong who found out his wife got captured by Chyna White in another flashback cliffhanger) got drafted from Ollie’s Argus flash backs to the league of Assassins and he’ll be the one doing the merkin. Nyssa’s giving Ollie a deadline like Big Worm in Friday.
We finally get that DNA blood work back from Star labs and we get to see who the killer is, who has eluded us for weeks. Was it Malcolm Meryln? Maybe it was a new villain? Well you won’t believe this shit, and I don’t mean that in suspense I mean literally, this shit right here isn’t believable…
Bruh… There isn’t an emoji invented yet that could display my disappointment with this weak ass The Young and The Restless meets Clue murder mystery mash up just to have the perp be Oliver. Slade Wilson ain’t get locked up for a bid out East for this shit man. If you found that shit legit compelling you can eat a bowl of– I’m getting off track. So Oliver is basically being set up by Malcolm Merlyn. Everybody and they Auntie knows it. They interrogate the pilot that flew from Corto Maltese (where Thea and Malcolm were) and made mad pit stops frequently. Now when I say interrogate, I mean Ollie chucked poor dude through a window.
Why the doors got no glass either? Did Ollie & Roy bust them shits to get in just to throw homie out a the window? These vigilantes ain’t civil no more. Dude had Malcolm on tape from that flight landing the night before Sara was murdered and he was also with Thea. Man listen, Team Arrow saw that tape and everybody BUT Oliver was like
Diggle: I’ma just throw this out there but I’ma say Thea did it.
Felicity: HA! Roy you owe me twenty dollars
Roy: Shit… why’d I go with Hawkguy?
Ollie is NOT HEARING THIS. Ollie is like, “Sure her height matches the weird trajectory of the arrows, being my sibling would explain the DNA and she was lying about hanging with Malcolm Merlyn but I know my sister!”. Ollie hit her with a face to face visit and then a visit from the hood. Ollie had something against windows this episode cause he undertaker Booted Thea’s balcony door to get the drop on her. He asked where Malcolm was and Thea rocked him with a quick Final Fight combo before duckin out her own crib by jumpin off the balcony. We knew Thea could fight secretly but she was fighting in hammer pants… so more power to her.
***We take this time now to check in with the side events***
We see Ray Palmer explain to Felicity how he has no regrets about kissing her, that he lost the woman he loved during Mirakuru week last year and that he bought Queen Consolidated to remix their O.M.A.C. into an A.T.O.M. suit to fight crime in Star City. All of which is to say he is trying to draft Felicity to his team.
Dinah Lance visits and uses her mother’s intuition to tell that Sara is dead. Laurel tells her straight up,
Why Momma Lance go straight up dark side? Damn man, You can tell she was a pageant mom back in the day.
We watch Malcolm smooth come into Verdant talking to Ollie all surprised about The Arrow checking in on Thea. Ollie starts to go back to his old catch a body self until Merlyn dropped that game changer on his ass
Merlyn got that World Star footage of Thea merking Sara. She was under the influence of this new molly they got in Corto Moltese that makes you carry out orders with no recollection. Malcolm’s plan is for Ollie to take the heat, in order to challenge Ra’s in a trail by combat to clear Thea’s blood debt to Ra’s which would also include his own. Ra’s won’t care if Thea was killing while under the influence so Ollie shit out of luck. Also, I find it hilarious that he straight up caught the footage live on his phone. That shit was good quality too, what phone plan Merlyn using, Verizon?? Was the Verizon Guy and the Verizon workers witnesses to this shit but pledged to secrecy with that 2 year contract he signed?
Ollie comes back to the Team Arrow with everyone holding in their “I told you so” faces. Ollie is going to go through with fighting Ra’s for Thea sake. Plus Ra’s been around so long that he got Vandal Savage’s rookie villain card. Whats the worse he can do? Ollie rolls up to the league on his disrespect shit. Ra’s in front of him, he ain’t bowing doe. He tells Ra’s he killed Sara on some bullshit excuse. Ra’s looking at him like, “I flew all the way here for this lame ass excuse? Whatever, You want a Trial by Combat? It’s be 67 years since the last person tried to top my highs score. Meet me at the arcade on this mountain in Nanda Parbat… bring your own controller”.
Ollie got time to say final words to his squad before heading out. This shit somber as hell, everybody know Ollie bout to get that check cashed on his ass. Felicity comes in telling Oliver he needs to go back to his old 2012 self. Back when he was killing villains for not recycling properly. Back when he used to patrol Star Streets listening to The Lox “Wylin Out.” Ollie must have asked Barry for that new Drake though cause he drops the feels to Felicity in his mid season finale too.
Yeah, while the Ollie + Felicity Shippers were celebrating that declaration of love. I’m sitting here like… Wait, did he just translate Lil Wayne’s “I’m not a killer but don’t push me” into Dawson’s Creek drama language for the CW?
After climbing a big ass mountain, Ollie is set to go up against white-washed Ra’s Al Ghul. It’s not like Ra’s is going to be needed anytime soon on Gotham anyway so why not take another Batman villain. This Ra’s straight up looks like Ric Flair his 34th time out of retirement, man. As custom they gotta take their shits off and I’ma quote Oz on this, “Ra’s got the Vince McMahon old man muscles”. LAAAAAAAAAAWD! Maseo tried to talk some sense into Ollie but once that didn’t work out he was like, “Alright man, choose a weapon. We only have swords. Oh, you’re going to take two? Dual wielding? Yeah, good luck with that”. Nyssa also gives Ollie some words of encouragement.
Daaaaayum, that shit was straight cold blooded. It would have only been better if she walked by saying, “Male privilege & White privilege combined ain’t gonna save yo ass at all this time”. Ra’s and Ollie get face to face for that shit talk before the bell rings.
Okay, Ollie is going up against this dude with two swords like Cervantes from Soul Calibur and Ra’s straight up goes bare hands like Heihachi from Tekken (he was also in Soul Calibur 2 for PS2 fyi). That should be a clear sign shit might not go your way in this fight. However I was thinking Ollie goin come out on top per usual. Even our head editor Will said this Ra’s is looking like the former boxer that has his own talk show in Vegas 12 years after retirement. My man looking straight up like a real time life alert commercial, surely Ollie isn’t going to get merkd by…
Yooooooooooooooooo, watered down white washed Ra’s Al Ghul went Taken meets The Grey all over Oliver’s ass, man. I thought Barry Allen got the beat down of 2014 when the Honey Mustard Flash choked slammed him. Ra’s must’ve been like, “We going to keep theme going”. Jesus man, Ollie (kinda) my archer I hate it had to be him. Meanwhile, Ra’s drops the sword on his ass cause Ollie got one hit off and put some red on his life meter when he was trying to get that Street Fighter II perfect.
Man season 3 has not been Ollie’s best moments; he had to go through a wack ass murder mystery, he had to fight mad copy cat archers not paying him his royalties, take on a dude slanging boomerangs (let that shit sink in…boomerangs yo) and now he just got the most embarrassing death by senior citizen that’s going to get dragged (I’ll make sure of that) through Facebook, tumblr, twitter, pinterest, instagram, reddit and the summer jam screen.
Things are as bad as it’s ever been for Ollie right now and we’re going to go to tumblr user IDareYouToDoBetter for that highlight reel.
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