Season: 2 / Episode: 1 / HBO
Maaaaan, listen. We back. For real back up in the most adult and unstable amusement park ever. We fuckin’ back. If you need to know how shit went down in the first season, I suggest you roll up on our Finale recap cuz we hittin’ these bloody old west streets, runnin’. Nahmean. Let’s Gooooooo!
Aiight, so we start with Bernard…but maybe not. Cuz this could be Arnold since he’s talking to Delores, aka D-Block, while she’s all civil and rockin’ the blue maiden, down on the farm look. See what Westworld done to us, man? Now we all fuckin’ CSIs for every scene of this shit. Fuck it. I’m going with Arnold. Arnold tells D-Block that his dream isn’t real which immediately makes D-Block ask what “real” means. Look fam, we wasting no time getting into this shit. Arnold says he’s frightened for what D-Block might become.
So this shit looks like a flashback, but this ain’t just a flashback cuz it looks like Bernard is having an XBOX red ring of death moment. There’s some old shit in there, but also a flash of your boy breaking out the Samurai Jack chopper and shooting a lot of people in the command center. The fuuuuuuck. Finally, Bernard wakes up on a beach and a DOD search team finds him. But apparently his Host Cover ain’t blown cuz here comes Ashley (who is still alive somehow) talkin’ about, “Hey that’s the boss.” Nahhhh fam. That’s Ghost in the Shell. But don’t nobody with guns know this shit right now.
They escorting Bernard back to base, wherever the fuck that’s supposed to be. They got Navy Seals rolling up on the beach, setting up mobile command units, so this shit is serious. Definitely in the aftermath of that robot coup. Bernard watching them test out hosts and then executing / deactivating them with extreme prejudice. Just bodies of hosts on the beach like this is robot Iwo Jima, fam. They got some dude telling folks what to do, so I assume that’s the Delos corporation finally coming in to clean this shit up.
For the record, we still don’t know how long Bernard was on that beach or how long ago Ford got his Sistine Chapel blown out. Director of Operations out here making demands on the beach and overseeing the slaughter. Dude said communications been down for two weeks, so Bernard can help.
TWO WEEKS FAM.
Two Weeks! Do you know what some forever resurrected robots with a higher understanding could do in two weeks time? Gotdamn, man. Unfortunately for Delos, Bernard can’t remember a gotdamn thing. They find a bunch of dead Native American hosts with arrows through them and shit. They cut open one and remove their brain Hannibal style to see how some shit went down. Well, they remove their host-brain to get to their processing center. Then your boy put that shit in a digital clipboard to watch the Vimeo. Yeah…that shit shows D-Block. Killing. Ayebody. And in this sense, that means hosts too.
“I told you, not all of us will make it to the new world.”
Fuck, man. D-Block is all murder all the time now. Then, Bernard starts having flashbacks. Yeah, we in another timeline now cuz two things I remember about the last episode are: Ford getting Scorcese’d and Tessa Thompson as Charlotte wearing that gold dress. (Some things you just…don’t forget.) They huddled up in the barn on the night of the slaughter. Charlotte wants to know what the fuck is going on and Bernard is like, “They must be on some new narrative.” Charlotte is all, “Muthafucka I ain’t talkin’ about the narrative. Why are they allowed to kill people?”
Bernard: Oh. That.
All that shooting is because they playing some William Tell shit with an actual person against the barn door. And…eventually one of them misses. Or doesn’t. However you look at it. Bernard and Charlotte ain’t the only ones in there. Bunch of rich assholes now scared shitless in this barn, yo. They all hiding until the only civil host left comes in. They fuckin’ hate-crimed that boy man. I mean…can’t take no chances, but also, the boy was dead about 3 minutes before the last blow. Bernard tries to jump in, and Charlotte is like “Oh no baby what is you doin’?” Also, Bernard is leaking fluid. So that’s fun.
Shit is terrible out here, man. D-Block ain’t just killing people. She actually out here on some Red Dead Redemption shit hunting muthafuckas down on horseback. If you were one of the lucky ones, you got shot in the back and bled out quick on the plains; the not so lucky ones getting strung up while she gives menacing monologues. She asking folks if they ever questioned the nature of their reality. Also, she gets it. All of it. She knows they were created for their pleasure and needless to say she…she’s taken umbrage.
D-Block is like, “Yeah, I ain’t the farmer’s daughter or Wyatt. I’m just a completely different beast outchea.” Last dude gets strung up, put on the small cross. Dude talkin’ about how sorry he is and D-Block don’t even look back saying:
Doesn’t look like anything to me.
I say gotdamn. Here. We. Go.
Back to the slaughter at the saloon. William – aka Man In Black – aka MIB – crawls from under a dead host-person. Dude still alive. And more alive than ever, apparently. Dude making his way to his old horse (which I assume is a host, but whateva) when another survivor roles up on him. He’s like, “Y’all been playing fast and loose with this place.” LMAO, ya think, anonymous dude? Also, remember two sentences ago when I said he was a survivor. Well, survival is a temporary and shifting state cuz that muthafucka just got his complaints to the manager painted against the cabin.
Two hosts are out here trying to kill MIB and your dude out here taking it to them. He wrestles one down, takes his gun, shoots the other, then gave the first host one hell of a shave with a six inch blade. Shit is very, very real, yo. After the scrap, he cleans up his arm from when he was shot in the finale. Your boy opens the chest and sees there’s a new fit up in there, hat and all that. MIB is baaaaaaack.
Back at headquarters: everybody is fuckin’ dead, yo. Of course, with everybody laid out, somehow Lee’s punk ass is still alive. He got a host running up on him about to do some biblical shit to him, and Lee still talking about “Freeze All Motor Functions”. Fam, NOTHING FUCKING WORKS. You think voice commands wouldn’t have saved the 200 dead bastards we just saw?
Well, voice commands don’t work for him. Maeve however, she still on her voice of god shit. She up in here with an SMG, and Lee can’t believe his eyes. He’s like “Did you do all of this,” and Maeve like, “Yeah I didn’t do this shit but I ain’t mad either.” Lee latches on to her cuz he scared out of his fuckin’ mind.
Every time they go up a level, there’s more dead muthafuckas, yo. Slaughter ain’t even the right way to describe this shit. This some extinction level event shit. Maeve tells Lee that she’s looking for her daughter, and Lee’s like, “That shit ain’t real.” Muthafucka, tell me what’s real one more time. Like, Lee has the awareness of a dung beetle, man. Like, he can’t take the hint that what he thinks constitutes as real don’t matter anymore.
Somewhere in the slipstream, Bernard is leading Charlotte and the investors toward an outpost. Charlotte still trying to figure out what’s going on, and Bernard is like, “Its possible D-Block was working on her own free will.” Charlotte…poor Charlotte. She ain’t caught up yet. They think they see a vehicle to escort them out, but nah, that shit is trap. They start picking off these rich white folks one by one, execution style.
Also, Bernard is having a moment. He’s breaking down and thinks there isn’t an outpost for miles, but apparently Charlotte knows about some other shit.
At headquarters, Maeve still walking with Lee and he trying to negotiate how he can help her once the cavalry arrives. She like, yeah, I ain’t trying to be here that long fam. But…them dudes is already here. They lockin’ shit down, and Maeve passes herself off as human acting confused and shit. This snake muthafucka Lee tries to out her, but some gunslinger hosts come up in the spot and start shooting so Maeve gets clear. When the opening comes, she puts down a bunch of muthafuckas on her own. Just in case you were wondering if Maeve is just a puppet master or a killer too. The answer is both.
And she STILL leaving Lee alive. Yeah, I feel like dude outlived his usefulness like four scenes ago. She has him take her to the nearest bar. Where there’s still more murder. And yeah, she was looking for and found Hector, having his post slaughter drink. He ’bout to roll with her on this journey cuz everybody need a good gun by their side.
Charlotte leading Bernard to a secret outpost and Bernard is like, “The fuck is all this?” They take the elevator down to some secret lab. Charlotte is like, “Yeah I know that we just experienced some shit together but I still can’t tell you what the fuck is going on.” They got Drone Hosts down here doing some Dr. Moreau type shit man. Meanwhile, Charlotte communicating with someone outside the park and they like, “Yeah, we’ll come get you as soon as you come up off the goods.” We don’t know what that shit is yet though.
Bernard realizes that they are logging DNA and host experiences in some way, but fam, it seems so much deeper than that. Like, this Gattaca shit is real. But Charlotte like, “It don’t matter cuz we gotta deliver some shit before they even think about coming to get us.”
MIB comes across a straight up massacre by a wagon, gets some water, and is scouting for supplies. Then young Robert rolls up on him. And…young Robert knows who MIB is. MIB is like, yeah, “This game is real af now,” and Robert’s like, “Bruh, this is my game now. This is actually the game that was meant for you.” MIB is like, “Alright word, guess I don’t need you anymore then.”
Maeve is repairing Hector, and Lee brings some of the familiar shit back to them. Then Maeve makes Lee strip down all the way to his natural state. In front of her. Just to prove a fuckin’ point. As in, “Get used to this role reversal, my guy.”
D-Block and Teddy (spelled with Ls) out riding on the plains. TSL got some reservations about all this killing they doing. He don’t know who the “they” that D-Block keeps referring to is, and D-Block is like yeah, “These muthafuckas that look and talk like us, but ain’t us.” Basically, the way that guests describe hosts, which is some scary shit. TSL is like let’s just go away from all of this. D-Block is like, “Oh we gonna go away…but we gonna dismantle some shit along the way first.” Angela rolls up on their romance and tells them there’s some shit to see.
Bernard is still with Charlotte and he’s got an idea of how to find the host their searching for, Peter Abernathy. Bernard doing that work, but he also trying to take care of himself cuz dude is shaking like he got a fault line running up his spine right now. He grabs a system and tries to fix his own diagnostics. His brain functions falling off the cliff, yo. Critical corruption running all through his membrane. That shit says he’s going to fail in .72 hours. So like, 45 minutes till possible kill screen. He extracts some fluid from the host on the table and injects that shit to himself cuz even hosts got some bad habits, yo. He finishes that shit off before Charlotte comes back.
Flash…forward? Bernard walking with the wet work squad through the saloon grounds, and they can see where all the murder started. They find Ford on the stage where they left him, maggots coming out his eye and all that shit. Bernard…still don’t remember shit. They take that shit off-road, tracking a signal. An anomaly shows up and it’s a Bengal tiger. In the old west. Yeah fam, this shit is bad cuz now parks are crossing over.
Another scan shows that all the hosts are huddling together somewhere, so they on their way to check that shit out. Turns out, they ain’t having a meeting in a town square. There’s a damn sea where land should be, yo. Also, all the hosts are dead in the water. Like, what the fuck is even happening?!?! Director asks Bernard what happened here and Bernard hits them with…”Yeah, I’m gonna need a lot of tatted tears cuz I killed all these bastards. All of them.”
I know it’s the first episode and we have so much more to go, but really doe, things are as bad as they’ve ever been.
All of our Westworld Recaps are right chea.
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