An Open Letter to the Jedi Council on This May the Fourth

Dear Yoda, Mace Windu, and the rest of the Jedi Council, Look y’all, mistakes were made. By you. Lots of them. I mean, you didn’t stop intergalactic enslavement on multiple planets, which we all know is what should have happened. You let the underworld flourish, but never took good advantage of the bounty hunters and other hireable scum because…moral high ground??? But you did outsource your army to some of the shadiest medical professionals to ever cook some genes in a test tube. And when has an army full of soldiers manufactured in secret by some mysterious benefactor ever gone wrong? Right… But truly, The Top Two Fuck Up for you all was the day you let Ahsoka Tano walk down those stairs and off into the Coruscant sunset. And let’s be real, it ain’t number two.

I get it. She was easy to underestimate. Anakin called her “Snips” for Yoda’s sake, which is the kind of thing you call a girl whose independent attitude is just a little too threatening for your patriarchy. It is like “sassy” — it is kinda a compliment, but only kinda. And I’m sure y’all didn’t know what to do with a padawan in a bandeau bra and leggings bringing daring fashion to the Temple.

She was a Togruta, with lekku and horns, so she didn’t seem to be destined for the main character status white humanoid males achieve so easily. Yeah, y’all have Yoda but how long did it take HIM to get on the Jedi Council. 900 years. Meanwhile, Miss Yaddle is…where? Gone. That lady GONE. Ahsoka was kind, even compa…