Shark Week 2018: Discovery Ran a Humans vs Sharks Fight Club on National Television

I hope all of y’all are happy, man. I hope you’re all pleased with yourselves. Y’all done pushed Discovery to the edge for Shark Week this year. Last year’s Shark Week had the real-life aqua man, Olympian Mike Phelps, racing against a CGI shark. Apparently, America didn’t get the memo that the shark would be CGI. Everybody was so disappointed that Mike Phelps wasn’t racing an actual shark. Let that sink in. The United States of America wanted one of their national Olympic heroes to go toe to fin against an actual ass shark in a race …Okay. Well, Discovery heard y’all’s complaints last year and said, “Okay. We got something for that ass.” Fam, I looked at the line up of the shows this year and said to myself “they really out here not giving a good god-damn this year, huh?” I just want to know how these shows were pitched in the meeting for this year’s Shark Week. I just wanna see the minutes that were taken or even the notes for the meeting. I imagine a bunch of programming, marketing, and PR execs in a boardroom and the head of Discovery kicks the doors open saying, “What the hell is wrong with America?!” Head of Discovery: I want something that will shut everybody up this year. E-v-e-r-y-b-o-d-y! I want shows that’ll have our audience too shook to enter the shallow end of the pool, y’all hear me? Debra from accounting: Well… we do have a team that wants to conduct an experiment to see how sharks actually attack shipwrecked survivors in open waters. But that’s really extr…