Game of Thrones Recap: Oathbreaker

Season: 6 / Episode: 3 / HBO ***Spoilers be quitting their job and saying the hell with my 401K*** Maaaaaaan, I ain’t even gonna stand on ceremony. HBO be starting this shit at 9:07, just to play with cats, so I’m just gonna get right into this Hardcore Gangsta Shit. This shit open with Davos looking like he done seen a ghost, which is surprisingly in the fucking neighborhood for what he’s witnessing. Here he is, in all of his Black Curl Jesus glory, the risen, Jon 50 Cent Snow. Your boy sitting up on the table naked as the day he was (re)born like this the beginning of a Terminator flick or some shit.

This dude was making a slow recovery till he saw that his brothers done carved about six smiley faces into his torso and you know what, I’d be hyperventilating too. Melisandre comes in with a mixture of disbelief and sexual arousal on her face. Her predatory ass wanted to be like, “he’s alive…but…HOW alive is he?” She asks him what the afterlife is like and Jon was like, shit was mad boring. Afterlife must be like having a layover in Chicago Midway with no WiFi and a connecting flight that never fucking comes. Davos is like, so I know you just came back from the dead and shit, but um, I need you to clock back in and finish your shift. Jon is like, I failed, to which Davos tells him to go fail again. Muthafucka, do you NOT remember that one time six black cloak bastards shived me in the yard and let your boy bleed out in the snow like a gotdamn savage? What kind of fucked …