Legend of Korra Recap: Kuvira’s Gambit

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Book Four: Balance / Part: XI

Aiight, lets get this out of the way first, when benders kept repeating that KUVIRA WILL BE HERE IN TWO WEEKS, you knew this shit was not going to go as planned for Republic City and their preparations. That shit was Western Union telegraphed people. That was Johnny Manziel staring down his receivers then wondering why he got intercepted. Come on now.

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In Zaofu, as Kuvira rallies her SS army, we see the first tender moment between her and Baatar, Jr. period. For 10 episodes you could have made an argument that Kuvira and Baatar, Jr. were a Ryan Seacrest and [insert starlet here] situation, but we actually get some genuine Kuvira feels in this…

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…which is probably the same look every woman on Basketball Wives has with their Bae before they go into the confessional and tell the camera that the other women in Zaofu ain’t shit.

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In Republic City, the leaders are doing what they do best (and most often): Having meetings about shit where they have outdated information. The evacuation is moving slowly because all the middle and lower class benders ain’t trying to leave their homes because they know that shit gonna be gentrified when they get back. Republic City seen what happening to Brooklyn and them cats are like…

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Bolin rushes in with Suyin and Zhu Li to let them know that the Beifong crew is safe after the rescue (that no one else knew about) and that KUVIRA WILL BE HERE IN TWO WEEKS. Everyone kicks into high gear to strengthen forces, cut the railways to prevent the super weapon from getting to the city make the evacuation mandatory. But seriously benders, don’t stress yourselves, you got 14 days to make that happen…

Varrick is in the warehouse inspiring all the StarkTech employs to work on the Hummingbird Mechs because…
…they only have two weeks to complete them…

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Linus be like, “we’re really gonna keep this two weeks shit up for a whole episode, huh?”

Bolin comes in to greet Varrick and he’s got a surprise, Zhu Li. Zhu Li hit him with the straight heartfelt, Pepper Potts-I’ve-Always-Loved-You-Tony-Do-You-Have-Any-Extra-Extremis-On-You speech. Varrick then takes all that compassion from Zhu Li and goes Varrick on it.

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Zhu Li left your boy in a new yoga pose: “Upward facing asshat.”

The evacuation is going terribly because Mako giving people instructions over the city wide broadcast and somehow we forgot that Mako got the charisma of a fold out couch. Prince Wu gotta step in and show the people that its easier to trust you if you admit that you are scared of going to the bathroom by yourself. All the distress lights drop off the switchboard and one more person (Lin) believes that Prince Wu might make a decent King one day. Of course considering the alternative, I think they’d take Kai’s hair cut as King of the Earth Nation right now.

Tenzin expects his family to be gone from the city by now, but they decided to stay and help out, plus taking 3 air benders out of the city before an attack ain’t a good luck. Also, if this is indeed the last of Korra and we have no idea of future of the Avatar-verse, I need some extended time with Meelo in some kind of way. Dude has just brought too much to the table to leave his character arc hanging.

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The city is in full lockdown mode. Mass evacuations, factories trying to crank out weapons for defense and General Iroh is in the building readying his army.

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…too bad that shit look like the cannons being rolled out before the Armored Titan treated Wall Maria like 4th Down on the goal line.

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As they prepare for the attack…that they are sure they have another week for…Team Avatar lets Reiko and Tenzin know that they are going to try to take out the super weapon before it comes close to the city. You know, the shit that the Beifongs could’ve done when it was right in front of them last episode? But lets not bring up old shit. They get approval to try and take out the weapon.

Now, here’s a brief transcript of the dudes in the watchtower:

Guard A: Man, this shit is boring, Kuvira won’t even be here for another week. I saw it in the newspaper.
Guard B: Hey, stop complaining, we’re getting time and a half for sitting on our asses. Besides, I could use a week to get some reading done since nothing is expected to come our way any time soon.
Guard A: Wait, there’s something out there!
Guard B: Holy shit, how did Skynet get capabilities here?! We don’t even have internet in our world yet.
Guard A: No you idiot, that’s Kuvira’s army! They are a week early! The newspaper lied to us! Call command and tell Republic City that–

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Guard A: Holy shit that was scary!
Guard B: I know, right?
Avatar Aang: Yes, that must have been very traumatic.
Guard A: Avatar Aang, what are you doing here? Does Korra have the power to summon you or something?
Avatar Aang: No you idiots…you’re fucking dead.

Team Avatar, is doing a fly over and realizes that YES, KUVIRA IS A WEEK EARLY. And oh yeah, fuck yo train tracks, we have evolved and are walking upright, b. Apparently, while these cats were taking their time preparing for Kuvira because they didn’t want to burn an extra week of the Paid Leave, Zaofu been ground zero for the Jaeger Program.

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Kuvira tries to get her clay pigeon game tight and pick off air bison with the cannon.

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Team Avatar barely escapes back to Republic City and Mako explains to the Prez that Kuvira must have known Zhu Li heard them and planned accordingly. Or I would like to go with the possibility that Kuvira isn’t a fucking idiot and is just better at this “war thing” then you cats. Everybody gets to their battle stations and also enters the “Best Mixtape Album Cover” contest.

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Good Fam, Metal City Vol. 1

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“Squirrel Suit Fly / Squirrel Suit Fly”

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“Sweat the Technique”

It’s nice that everybody looks like they about to drop the hottest verse for the holidays, but that shit is shortlived when Kuvira come around the corner with Gipsy Danger like, HEARD YOU WAS TALKIN THAT SHIT!!!

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Kuvira puts on the light show and blows up some random shit to let the benders know how serious this shit is. Somehow, General Iroh looks at all that damage from three damn shots and is like, ehhhh, I’ve seen better.

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We don’t have time to question General Iroh’s bravery/sanity, so the Prez gives his unconditional surrender. Korra gets back to the crew and devises a plan to kidnap Baatar, Jr. and make him give up intel on how to stop the Jaeger that Kuvira is piloting.

Which means its time TO GET INTO THIS AIRBENDER BLACK OPS GANGSTA SHIT.

Korra leads Seal Team Six onto Baatar, Jr’s airship and scoops your boy up without making a sound. Shit was FLAWLESS.

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They got Baatar, Jr. tied up in the factory and trying to get him to spill them secrets, but it ain’t happening easy. Korra tries to intimidate him with the Avatar state, but Asami is like, hey boo, that shit sexy and all, but this ain’t really the time or place. Even Suyin tries to talk some sense into her son, but that shit ain’t working either. Baatar, Jr is on his Norman Bates shit and he ain’t budging. Finally, Korra is like, “we gonna take you to exile and your bae gonna be out here ruling shit without you. For the rest of your life, you gonna be eating Bolin’s kale leftovers and smelling Meelo’s flatulence. IS THAT WHAT YOU REALLY WANT?!?! An eternity with us miserable fucks!” Everybody thinks that is the dumbest threat ever, but somehow Jr, agrees.

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Kuvira finally gets in contact with Jr. and he “convinces” Kuvira that the city isn’t worth them being apart. Baatar is pouring his heart out…

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while Kuvira is like…

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Jr. is planning out their future in Zaofu while Kuvira is getting a lock on their location. Jr. and everyone else thinks that Kuvira is about to back down and negotiate Baatar’s release…

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Shit seems real sweet for about 6 seconds before Mako tells everyone that Kuvira is pointing the cannon right at them (just like a cop…). And then, we play the game where everybody gets the fuck out as quickly as possible…

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Kuvira gives the factory that Hiroshima treatment…and then takes a moment for herself.

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…”Ok, I’m good. So, where can I get some soup in Republic City? I’m starving. Anybody else trying to fuck with some soup tonight?”

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  • William is the Editor-In-Chief, leader of the Black Knights and father of the Avatar. With Korra's attitude, not the other one.

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  • Romita

    Baatar Jr, just like his daddy.

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