Welcome to the Assorted Media Bracket for BNP March Madness 2022. Let’s not waste any time. Here’s the lineup.
Lara Croft (Tomb Raider reboot)
There was a time when the name Lara Croft was synonymous with 90s era graphics and a character shaped by the whims of the male gaze. Lara was always badass, but something just never hit right. She was always Indiana Jones and James Bond. Not anymore.
In 2013, Lara came back to the game a little younger but a lot more savage. The story is still the same, but the soul still burns hot in this version. Ms. Croft is still doing her treasure hunter thing, still comes from goo-gobs of money, but this time…she was stranded on an island with only one goal, survive. Emboldened by her father’s memory, she has to hold her own against a cult of Resident Evil rejects hellbent on taking her life. But to do this, Lara Croft had to become something else. Had to become someone, else: The Tomb Raider!’
Lara pretty much became the main character in The Descent with a dash of Green Arrow. Which meant having to catch body after body after body. Designing and modifying weapons and traps, figuring out puzzles, taking on everything the natural and supernatural world could throw at her. THREE TIMES! Fam, she’s smarter than you, faster than you, and loves to be underestimated. Lara Croft makes Kate Bishop look like Katniss Everdeen. She was out here with a punctured organ catching hell on some hardened modern-day pirates with the aim of Legolas! What you know about sending a homemade arrow through somebody’s son’s eyebrows from eighty yards out?!? Yeah, didn’t think so. – Frantz, March Madness 2022
Cordelia Moonstone (The Magic Order)
Don’t come round here talkin that Harry Potter ish because Cordelia Moonstone aka the boozy Black Sheep aka the talk of the magical town stay ready to clap a hater quick. Cordelia is a mighty magician but no one would ever say she was destined for greatness.
Born illegitimately, she has always skulked in the shadows but when the time comes for her to handle her business, there are few that can match her magical abilities. She read every page of the most powerful and forbidden book of spells, the Orichalcum, and isn’t afraid to use them in a pinch.
On top of the CVS receipt list of spells that she’s learned since childhood, homegirl is also an escapologist, so she has an uncanny ability to survive or escape anything. She even escaped the abortion her mother was in the middle of having. This barely formed fetus defied all odds and straight-up teleported herself into the womb of the surgeon. If that doesn’t scream un-fuck-with-able, I don’t know what does! – Ja-Quan, MArch Madness 2022
It’s been a while since Avatar took over the world (but there are 4,271,283 sequels coming soon, so get ready). That doesn’t take away from how awesome Neytiri was that entire time.
When she wasn’t giving Jake Sully a personal tour of the jungle, the Na’vi princess was training to become the next chief of her clan. This also included being able to handle her own against any number of oversized beasts she would come across.
Oh, and let’s not overlook the fact that SHE’S 10 FEET TALL AND CAN USE A SPEAR! – Keith, March Madness 2022
Garnet (Steven Universe)
Go ahead and try to hit her if you are able (sorry, couldn’t help myself). No, but seriously. Try to hit her. Garnet is literally made of two rocks and hard light. That has to hurt, right? Garnet is not just a fusion but a relationship and all these wannabe opponents are going to have a hard time breaking her apart.
First off, Garnet is armed with two massive gauntlets, which can change size at any point. She’s swinging these things like Sock ’em Boppers with the weight of cinder blocks. These bad girls also double as projectile rockets when needed and generate massive amounts of electricity for an extra kick to any attack.
Also, again, she’s rock hard. Garnet has been known to take massive damage and keep going strong. No matter what you throw at her, homegirl remains practically unfazed. She once walked into molten hot lava like it was an ordinary hot spring. Your girl is damn near invincible.
Lastly, ‘future vision’. It’s her greatest weapon. Every future is within her view. If there is a high possibility you’re swinging with your left, she’s blocking with her right. You think you’re sneaking up on her? Not happening. How are you going to win when this fusion is always one step ahead of you? Garnet sees all possibilities. – Chris, March Madness 2022
Click the links below to the other brackets!
Go to our Twitter polls to vote here!
Interested in the outcome of the last two March Multimedia Multiverse Madness? Find BNP’s other entries here.
Want to get Black Nerd Problems updates sent directly to you? Sign up here! Follow us on Twitter, Facebook, Youtube, and Instagram!