Ever have an interaction with someone that you wish you could do over knowing now what you didn’t know then? I will never forget, back in 2015, I was heading to work catching the 7 train from Queens (New York) to Manhattan. The train was always packed in the morning. I remember stepping onto it, and there was a woman in front of me with a guitar strapped to her back. The lady turned around then asked me to step onto another train car as to prevent her guitar from being squished. I’m like “sure,” walked to the next train car, listening to music. Then, as if realizing I was hit with a Jedi Mind trick, I looked up from my phone thinking, “Wait a fucking minute,” just as the door closed. And that woman that asked me to go to another train car? Yes, she was (taps palm). My mutant, the way I want to do that shit over and reply to her with, “no.” All lowercase. Very small period. Ugh, it haunts me. Why am I mentioning this moment? You’ll see. Now, let’s get back to Storm.
Incase you missed it, Storm was enjoying her date on Arakko with bae candidate Craig (Marshall) of NASA. The Black girl joy & soft moment gets interrupted, rudely, by a telepathic message with way too much bass in his voice/thought from Charles Xavier. Storm leaves her date to meet Xavier, but she ain’t about to be kee-kee’ing, ha-ha’ing, or chit chat’ing with this man. Storm is coming to tell Xavier about his fucking self. See, first of all, Xavier talking to Storm like it’s 1975, and she’s a rookie on the X-Men squad, and not 2023, where she is the whole ass Regent of Sol. The biggest thing here tho, Storm is having her very own 7 train moment and gets a chance to address something Xavier said to her on their first encounter.
Charles Xavier and the Audacity of Caucasity
Back when Charles Xavier was gathering mutants to form a New X-Men team (to rescue his original team), he was met with animosity from some (John Proudstar told’em to stuff a cactus). Charles needed to work on his sales pitch. Especially for Ororo Munroe, because first of all, ya girl was being worshipped as a whole goddess. Ororo was making it rain in different nations in Africa. Villagers built dams for her to flood. Ya girl was ending droughts, helping crops, and being a whole one-woman Peace Corps. People were thankful for her, grateful AF, and not calling her out her name for her gifts or attacking her. Charles Xavier rolls up, sees this, then proceeds to let all of the caucasity talk out the side of his neck because he needs something from Ororo.
Xavier is going for a hat trick with privilege here. It’s one thing for a man to come up and tell a Black woman that all the good she’s been doing for these people who are worshipping her is a fantasy. It’s a whole ‘nother fucking stratosphere for a white man to say this to a Black woman. That man thinking since he from the “civilized” West, it means he knows best. It’s giving Save the Last Dance *Chenille voice* “And here you come — white, so you gotta be right”. Xavier got all them doctorates and Ph.D. but isn’t smart enough to realize he’s stepping into a whole culture with people that he knows nothing about. Don’t get me wrong. I fucks with Xavier, but I don’t fucks with Xavier because of lil slick shit like this (Steph Williams was right). Xavier legit trying to tell Storm bout herself. That she’s a mutant, not a goddess (turns out she’s both).
The real question tho: who the fuck is he to tell this woman what she is? Mind you, Xavier needs her help to retrieve his original team from their last mission. Sir, how do you lose a whole group like they the car keys? We not talking about a fruit snack that dropped under the couch after opening the packet. We talking bout a collective of people. We not talkin’ about a bobby pin that fell from your head and is now blending into the carpet…. We talking about an entire class room assembly! You got your whole team on a milk carton, and this is how you ask for help? I also notice you didn’t lead with that either.
“I Just Think It’s Funny Hooooow”
Xavier apologizes for calling Storm from Arakko and hopes he wasn’t interrupting anything. Storm says, “Nothing as important as say, nurturing the crops of the people that gave me a home and support when I had neither. Had you called me away from that work, Charles… We might have a problem.” Wooo…Storm is recalling their first encounter. This ain’t even a petty or slick remark in my book, because Storm is calling out what Xavier does. Xavier’s needs are more important than whatever it is you may be doing. Xavier ain’t even trying to apologize for that shit either. Looking back, the hypocrisy and irony of what Xavier did is off the charts. Xavier was telling Storm she has a responsibility to help people that will hate and fear her but need her help nonetheless…
This man told Storm she got a duty to help people that are going to call her all types of hard R’s and hard B’s because eventually, after coming to their aid, they’d come around and see mutants weren’t all bad. This was Xavier’s PR strategy for building good relations between humans and mutants… but Storm was already doing that very thing. Storm was helping people across the land and had good relations with them. She was already an ambassador for mutants in her homeland. But because those folks weren’t apart of the status quo, they weren’t part of the bigger picture. Xavier needed Storm, so that’s it. Which is funny, because a bit ago on Arakko when Storm was feeling guilty about being on Krakoa when they were attacked, Sobunar III tells Storm, “‘If you weren’t here, you were somewhere fighting the same foe, and we’ve enough foes to fight without turning on ourselves and choices.”
I just think it’s funny how, Sobunar III of the Arakkii, who are Black and Black coded mutants affirms Storm you were doing what needed to be done elsewhere to help fight a common enemy and for a common cause. Whereas Xavier holds his cause above all. For a man so focused on the big picture, he doesn’t seem to realize his viewpoint has been limited. Which brings us to Magneto. When Storm fought beside Magneto to dog walk the Eternal Uranus (“Grandfather” of Thanos) who did a genocidal attack on Arakko, Magneto’s last words before passing were “Watch Charles. He’s a good man, Ororo. We must be weary of good men. For what will they not do… to show us how good they are.” Which to me means, “Yeah he got good intentions, but he might fuck the money up by making a choice that puts mutants in danger by turning the other cheek instead of scrappin’.”
Which brings us to the whole reason Charles Xavier interrupted Storm’s date (as if he was a CIA agent jumping in front of her to block a bullet that was actually a dick) is because he wants to know Magneto’s last words. After fighting the Eternals in an all-out thought war then dealing with being turned into a sinister version of himself (compliments of Mr. Sinister), Xavier wants to know if Magneto perhaps knew or saw some hint of Xavier goin bad before he passed. Did it play a factor in Magneto’s choice to leave Krakoa for Arakko? Charles wants to know his best friend’s last words. Problem is them words weren’t for him to hear. They were for Storm, and she’s saying it was a private moment.
Now, what we have before us is a learning opportunity. Xavier could calm down, realize he’s crossing the line by forcibly trying to take the memory of Magneto’s last words, and communicate the stress that he’s been going through after these back-to-back events to Storm. He could, at this moment, have a heart-to-heart with his former student who has now a grown ass woman helping guide an entirely new culture of mutants. He could unburden himself for a moment and just be vulnerable with a confidant…. or he could do some ol’ dumb shit. *looks at camera* You wanna guess the choice Charles Xavier makes? Go head, take a wild guess.
And This is What Happens When You THINK You Him
My mutant, Xavier tried to invade Storm’s mind and got made into a whole fucking fool. Look at’em. Look how dumb he looks right now. Sir, why… Why would you try Storm. See? See, this is the audacity of caucasity at work right here. Xavier thought because he has some Duracell batteries to put in his own back that he could step to Storm, forgetting that she got a whole Diehard battery in her back. Sir, you came to this shoot out ill informed.
Charles Xavier wanted a meeting of the minds when he shoulda just been minding his own business.
Xavier thought…I mean really thought his tiddy helmet was goin’ get through the power of Storm’s laid edges.
Xavier is clearly flopping here, I’m sorry but he looking like he just took an offensive foul from Draymond Greene.
Xavier so damn dramatic. That man falling back like he in a Bollywood movie.
Storm showed Xavier what it was like to be a Black Woman in America for .2 seconds, and mans folded.
Storm showed Xavier how to clap on the 2 and the 4, and mans knees buckled due to the strain.
Storm showed Xavier the spicy coconut chicken she had for dinner, and the parched took the wheel.
Storm showed Xavier that he wasn’t being a good ally and let the gravity of white fragility do the rest.
I’m sorry, but this is embarrassing as all fuck.
Xavier on the ground looking like a spilled glass of white
Xavier on the ground looking like he just got ass thrown on him at Jamaican Dance Hall and had a panic attack.
Xavier on the ground looking for his peace of mind right now cause clearly he lost it stepping to Muva.
Xavier on the ground like Velma looking for where he dropped his pride and self-respect.
Xavier on the ground looking like an untouched bag of Black licorice Twizzlers Twist.
I got no sympathy for this man, as Nicole Homer says, “You act a fool here, you get beat here.”
Xavier really surprised he’s on the ground anime style saying, “Nani?!” to himself.
Xavier really surprised this shit turned into Ororo Munroe’s Super Knock A Bish Out.
Xavier really thought his ass wasn’t bout to get turned all the way out (not in the fun way).
Xavier really thought it was sweet, now he on the floor acting like he didn’t just shit himself.
Xavier really thought he was about to waltz into Storm’s mind and got thrown into a mosh pit.
Xavier really thought that he could cock block Storm, and she wouldn’t have him laid out, waiting to exhale?
Storm Tells Charles Xavier “Ain’t Goin Be No Cook Out”
Even after Charles makes a whole ass of himself by getting rock’em sock’em boppered by an attack he taught Storm. He then communicates his fears, as he should have from jump about what was becoming of him. Storm, who legit owes her former teacher and mentor nothing after he attacked her, tells him Magneto’s last words. She offers this motherfucker a very thin shred of solace. That Magneto was concerned for his friend…but from this day forward? Storm does not give one damn bout this bald-headed bish boy.
They is no longer friends, they ain’t co-workers, teammates, acquaintances, none of that shit. It’s all dead. The hardest part of it is she also tells him he best not step through that gate to Arakko ever again. Storm just told Xavier there was never a cookout, but if they ever do have one, he will be a non-invited white. I know that shit broke Xavier inside. He goin be up in his room getting mad seeing C-list white mutants get to go to Arakko. Black Tom goin get an invite, but not Charles Xavier. Toad? Toad can come. But not Professor X. Ain’t no coming back from that back. Juggernaut? He can come to Arakko, hell he can even take a plate back home… but he better not let Xavier even get a whiff of the curry goat cause he’ll get that shit revoked too. Charles played himself, and now he gotta hold that weight.
If you ever need a step-by-step lesson on how to read a bish, clear a bish, or slay a bish, Look no further than X-Men: Red #11 and Mother Storm of the House of Munroe.