Season 2 / Episode 2 / The CW
And you say Central City! Jay Garrick has arrived and the homie knows things. Joe West got him at gunpoint but Jay’s like, “Look man. I know who all of you are, not cause I dug through you trash or anything weird like that. Also your security is lame cause I power walked through that shit. Anyway, I’m the Flash on my world and now your world is in trouuuuublllle. I was in the middle of fighting my hate’n ass villain Zoom… a fight I was totally winning by the way… in case anyone was wondering.
Meanwhile, Zoom is dropping off another dude in Central City. Zoom tells homie, he’ll take him back to his world when he kills The Flash. Alright, if you wanna get cats to kill a hero for you I get it but last episode you had Edge cosplaying as Atom Smasher and he got beat by a panic room and this week you got a dude that looks like an extra on the IT Crowd. Zoom needs to get a recruiter cause he’s type terrible at this.
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Back at STAR Labs, Jay agreed to do some tests, and we learn he has been The Flash on his Earth for 2 years. He got his powers when he was up in his lab fucking around with Hard Water (sounds like molly water to me), then a light went off (strobe/disco/police/ we dunno), he fell into a coma (got high as fuck?), and woke up with super speed (must be nice).
Professor Stein breaks down the whole multiverse and how our Earth has an alternate Earth. Our Earth, Earth One and Jay’s, Earth Two. He then gets into how someone from Earth One could be a completely different person, personality and profession wise, on Earth Two. This is about the time Joe West peaces out back to work cause no matter what Earth you’re from or on, cats got bills. Stein and Cisco start trying to find the breach on Earth One that leads to Earth Two. Caitlin tells Barry she can’t find any speed force residue on Jay but he did pass the lie detector test she undetectedly gave him. Barry don’t care bout no polygraph cause he ain’t about to trust Jay that easily.
At work Joe gets bum rushed by Patty Spivot. She wants to join Joe’s Anti-Metahuman task force. When asked if she knows what happened to his previous partner Eddie Thawne, Patti says, “He died on the job right?… cause he was trash. Ya partner before that? Trash! You need me out in the field with you son. I’m bout this first person shooter in real time life” Joe liked her enthusiasm but hit her with the lowercase “no” followed by a very small period.
Back at STAR Labs Barry isn’t taking any chances and got THE GOLDEN AGE GAWD Jay Garrick locked up in the metahuman prison cells. Jay is mad cool about it but I’m tight, you can’t disrespect the Gawd like that. Jay sighing like that annoyed parent lookin’ at their kid not listening to the sound ass advice they’re trying to give. Barry then runs off to put out a fire but gets ran up on by a dude that’s taking his Spider-Man cosplay too far or another hencmen employed (not getting paid tho) by Zoom to take him out. (Why he look like an IT tech thoooo?)
Joe: Two days in a row Spivot. What a coincidence
Patti: Or kismet… if you believe in fate. Destiny. the idea that God has a plan for all of us and no matter how far we may try to run or hide from it we play it out time and time again.
Joe: …Okay if you’re going to get weird on people, give’em cliff notes first. Not the whole novel.
She done read all the homies reports and shit, she located the point of origin of the fire as well as got some fingerprints and collected a sample of the the kitty litter dude was turning himself into. Barry lets her know she can crime scene with the best of’em.
Patti: I know but out in the field is where all the fun is. Right, Joe?
Joe: mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm-hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm. Answer is still no Spaghetti? Spatula?
Patti: Spiv-
Joe: Spider-Man?
Patti: Spivot.
Joe: Yeah, that. I said that.
Back at STAR Labs they got the force full retired golden age track gawd Jay on the (not yet cosmic) treadmill. The homie isn’t clocking in that speed force at all still. Iris and Caitlin are watching him hit that shirt off CW quota when Barry walks in with the kitty litter sample. Jay let’s them know, “It’s not Kitty litter (I know it smells like it) but it’s actually human cells that harden into particles that give more of a sand or kitty litter like property. I know this because I fought this dude back in my world.”
Jay: You for real? I done been poked. Prodded. Full body scanned and now you gon’ throw Drake lyrics at me? On Earth Two he’s the hardest rapper alive with 45 gun changes and 35 bodies, so if you quoting Drake you must be trying to start some’n. I’m tryin’ to help you and ya crew man but you on this bullshit?
Barry: Oh I been waiting a while to say this shit. Look here, with your Office Space Bill Lumberg wanting me to work on a Saturday looking ass. Maaaaaaaaaaaaan fuck you, fuck that Mike Jackson Thriller jacket costume, fuck your older brother / father figure demeanor. Fuck your boot leg ass Earth Two, and fuck whatever “Just For Men” hair dye you use. If you was really as trill as you say you were, then you woulda had this kitty litter throwin’ Sand demon villain locked up. Man somebody get this dude the fuck out my face and back to a cell before I life alert his old ass.
BARRY WAS TALKING ALL OF THEE RECKLESS TO JAY! My dude you can’t be talking to Jay like that man. Jay Garrick the Phil Jackson of this shit and you goin talk that bacon residue left on the skillet greasy to him like that Barry? Come on man.
Joe West was able to find Sand Demon but dude ran away, fortunately for Joe, Patti was shooting three for three and culdesac’d the perp.
Eddie Slick is dude’s name and Joe gives him the “no fucks given” interrogation. Dude is an arsonist but he’s not a metahuman. I mean even he pointed out that if he was, he would’a used his powers to get away. He was also locked up when the particle accelerator went off. Joe tells Barry all this but he not fucking with it cause he don’t wanna believe Jay. At STAR Labs they find out it really isn’t kitty litter and is skin cells just like Jay said. Barry still ain’t trying to hear any of this cause fuck Jay for all the previously mentioned reasons. Iris finally tells Barry he’s gotta stop being such a hater. Not everybody is Wells and he is going to have to let that shit go.
Barry: Arghh, there are too many that got merked due to trusting Wells.
Iris: You defeated Wells.
Barry: Technically Eddie did cause he took a hot one to the chest but go on.
Iris:… ….. True. Just stop hate’n on Jay. That “Just For Men” hair dye line was hilarious tho but it’s time to be cool with dude.
Back at the precinct. Joe West lets Eddie Slick go… then Eddie Slick comes back… well Earth Two Eddie Slick that is. He hits Joe one and kidnaps Patti in order to lure out The Flash. Umm, can we talk about how Joe got duffed tho?
I’m sorry but there’s not a cell in my body that would allow me to get knocked out by a giant kitty litter fist. Where was the bob and weave game at Joe? You couldn’t press the R2 button and block that bruh? With Patti kidnapped and all the evidence showing Jay wasn’t lying, Barry gotta go back to him and apologize for all that shit talk. Jay way more forgiving than I am. He offers the solution to defeating Sand Demon to Barry — He’s going to channel the electricity he generates when running into a bolt of lightning. That bolt will then turn the kitty litter/ sand like substance Sand Demon uses to glass. It’s a hard move for Barry to pull off (probably why it wasn’t a skill he could use in the Justice League: Injustice video game). Barry then finally starts to open up to Jay:
Barry: Sorry bout goin off on you before. It’s just that my last mentor killed my mother, got my father locked up north for the bid, and damn near sucked our world into a black hole…
Jay:
Like, really? That’s all Jay had to say to back to Barry, “Life comes at you fast bruh.” The crew had no luck trying to find Sand Demon’s whereabouts until Cisco secretly concentrated himself on vibing himself to get a precognitive vision of sorts. He informs the crew (under a loose hunch) of the location of Speed Demon and Patti and that he plans on using a concussive bomb probably (definitely actually) since he likes to attack on two fronts. It should be noted that Patti was tellin’ Sand Demon that even with his powers he’s still trash. I mean that’s some shit I’d keep to myself if I was a hostage but you know, do you. Barry has Jay suit up to be the diversion, since Slick doesn’t know he doesn’t have his speed anymore. Jay has his suit but all that’s missing is his throwback fifty cap. Once he says that the crew already knew what it was since they still had that shit all along.
They arrive at the warehouse and Jay distracts Sand Demon by taking more shots to the body than a fratboy on a thirsty Thursday. Jay must have relied on his speed a lot cause he was getting the 2-D fighter game light jabs easily, plus you getting punched by a dude that’s transforming into a kitty litter like substance? I can’t stress enough how embarrassing that it.
Jay did manage to get one good hit in. Barry then swoops in from behind and saves Patti, however the concussion bomb still goes off projecting everybody except Slick into the air. It’s do or die time and Barry comes through with lightning bending on his Firelord Zuko shit.
Barry: OH SHIT I KILLED HIM?!?!
Jay: Ehhhhhhh.
Barry yammed up Eddie Slick with that cold blooded fire man. It’s one thing to straight up stunt on your opponent but another to hit an iconic homage pose over their (maybe dead) body. Patti comes to after the concussion blast and calls for the Flash, making both our heroes react on instinct and giving way to that DC Golden Age x Silver Age Homage shot.
Back at STAR Labs, Barry thanks Jay for giving him the Phil Jackson playbook. Jay let’s him know that he got the skills to be great as Barry is a quick study. Barry then asks who Zoom actually is.
Jay: First and foremost a dick. He been around since I got my powers and he is just an ass. Like arrogantly so. He wanted to kill me and now that you’re around, he’ll come for you to get that fastest title all for himself. He was always one step ahead of me man…flipping me off.
Professor Stein talks to Cisco about how his hunches be so on the money. Cisco confess that he be vibing between worlds but doesn’t want anyone else to know about this. Wells gave him this power by merking him so there’s that to deal with, he also doesn’t want to turn into a bad guy like Wells. Later on Stein tells the crew about the breaches to Earth Two that were found. However the biggest breach is in Key City and leads to not one or two but 52 universes. Before we can get anymore details of this though, Stein gets the shakes and collapses.
Meanwhile Joe finds out that the Martin brothers merked Patti’s father on some dick shit. Just shot him as they were robbing the bank for no reason as he was minding his business. Joe let’s her know he officially dubs her bout that task force life. We later see Iris’ mother drop in on Joe.
What’s Earth Two Wells up to? Where he get that suit? Is he a dick or a good guy? Gotta find out the answers next week.
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Show Comments
madmonq
Super speedster with a pot on his head? Believable-ish. Forensics groupie? I laughed out loud.