It’s date night in Central city. Barry Allen and Linda Park hit the bowling scene because you know damn well Barry was all varsity for that squad back in high school. Which then gets weird cause Iris is there with Eddie, this bowling alley happens to be her spot as well. Instead of going on about their business Iris invites them to double date the situation which you know is going to be bad. Sure its all good one minute when Barry and Iris are knocking pins down like they playin’ Wii bowling in real time

 

then someone goes too hard in the touchy feely.
Oh heeeeeeeeelll no. She walked in front of her own bae to wipe the mouth of her friend/ bae that coulda been. Eddie looking on like”you know I’m right here right?” Linda bout to tell her bout herself but lucky a call from the morgue comes in that takes both Barry and Eddie out to work. Another dude dying literally saved somebody’s life after Iris pulled that stunt (I ain’t mad tho Iris).

Barry rushes to the morgue but catches this mirage of his own image running beside him (foreshadowing). Down at the morgue the coroner was killed by blunt force to the head. Barry concludes to Joe that somebody killed this dude by making it hail on him. Dude died knowing that is embarrassing moment going to be in his obituary. Eddie finds a recording where the coroner was being interrogated for information on the person that killed Clyde Mardon. After basically hearing a dime dropped on his own ass Joe West recognizes the interrogator’s voice as Clyde’s brother Mark Mardon. Mark is coming to get him some good old fashioned revenge on Joe’s ass but Joe isn’t sweating it. Star labs is on the case to try and work on something to neutralize the powers that Mark got which are similar to his brother’s weather powers.

Joe is being sidelined to his desk because Captain Singh doesn’t want him merked like his old partner. Iris comes in and he tells Eddie and Barry to keep their mouths shut on the subject. Iris talks to Eddie to find out he uber jealous of the whole interaction with Barry. Sounded like he was about to throw that him or me ultimatum but Iris said Barry always going to be part of her life. Meanwhile Joe and Barry are driving when Barry decides to ask Joe for some help.

Laaaaawd! Joe tells Barry he done said all that he can say to Iris, so he just got to wait for her to say if she feels the same. He then explains not to be a meninist and pressure her for an answer because only fuck boys do that. They then hear that it’s a sunny day up in Central City but then realize they’ve been getting rained on for the best 15 minutes. Yeah, Mark is behind them as a literal black cloud. He sends a lightning bolt down but Barry gets Joe out of the car just in time. This dude done blew up a black man’s car yall. I don’t care if you can control the weather or stop white privilege dead in its tracks. Whatever super power you got is not going to save you from the wrath of a dude whose car you just fucked up. That’s just a scientific fact.

Back at the precinct they holding Joe down at work so he can go out after Markdon. Joe sitting there saying “How these officers going to stop Markdon when the the man is able to make it rain with no dollar bills? How Barry? How?” Barry tells him Star Labs go the answers.

Over at Iris Job her boss tells her about Wells being connected to Stagg’s disappearance. Wells was the last person to see Stagg before he vanished. Iris mulls this over and bumps into Linda Park at the water cooler. Iris was apologizing for interrupting her date with Barry. Linda then gave her ass the read of the century talking bout “you telling me Barry ain’t over some mystery bae when all along your ass had feelings for him too. You out her wiping folks mouths and shit. I see you boo-boo. SHUT HER DOWN LINDA! TELL HER BOUT HERSELF! Iris then meets up with Barry to discuss Wells and questions how well does he truly know dude.

Iris: Tell me he don’t look guilty as hell tho Barry.
Barry: ehhhhhh…


[divider type=”space_thin”]
Back at Star Labs Cisco put together a device (made from a freaking Jedi Lightsaber toy I might add) that would neutralize the electrons in the atmosphere so Mardon (aka Weather Wizard) won’t be able to use his powers. Barry mentions Iris’ Wells suspicions which makes Cisco curious about Wells himself. He drops off the device to Joe and thanks to Central City Police being on some Gotham Police shit, happens to pass Mardon as he enters the elevator. Mardon is up in the police station running up the insurance as he uses wind to knock Joe down, break some glass and then summon down that Zeus lightning for the finish but not before Captain Singh calls an audible.

Captain fucking Singh for the win man. What boss you know going jump in the non-figurative line of fire for an employee like that. Barry arrives to neutralize Mardon with the (Weather Wand) device Cisco made and then takes Singh to the hospital. We finally meet his now partner who is now his fiance. We’re finding out that Singh may not be able to walk again and suffer memory wise as well. Yo, Joe West is fed the fuck up. He tells Barry to watch Iris cause he bout to go Lone Ranger on Mardon. He checks out one of his old hide outs and is joined unknowingly by Eddie. They scope’ing the place out when all of a sudden Joe gets the abduction treatment from Mardon.

Barry runs into Iris at home after having missed her at work but meeting her boss. He asks about evidence that he may have on Wells which Iris doesn’t know about. Barry is covering for Joe goin after Mardon but he regrets that shit cause Iris brings up “Linnnnnn-daaaaaa”

Barry:Why you gotta play her name like that?
Iris: I have no idea what you talkin bout.
Barry: All extra with the stank in the face. Like when i was dating Becky Cooper or as you would say…

“Beck-eeeeeeee Coooop-eeeeeeeeeeeeeeer”

[divider type=”space_thin”]
Iris proceeds to slander how wack a girlfriend Becky was and is putting Linda not in the same boat but rather a cruise ship that is pretty much ehhhhhhhhhhhh. She saying Linda isn’t right for Barry, so he asks her “Who is?” That’s macking 101. They arrive at the police station to find out Joe is basically kidnapped by Mardon. Mardon calls Iris saying if she wants to see pops she gotta come down to the docks. He got Joe West with a broken leg but plenty of leg room for to kick up the good leg and watch as he is about to get his mass murder on. The dude is summoning up a tidal wave to not only take out Iris but also the majority of Central City. At the dock Barry peeps game and tells Iris she needs to bounce cause there is a high tide about to make this shit look like “The day After Tomorrow” but Iris gotta tell Barry like it is right quick.

 

but just when Iris thought it was all on the table
 

Back at Star Labs Cisco can’t shake this feeling about Wells. He starts checking on the containment field that held the reverse flash. It should have worked properly with no way for him out, we then discover it was tampered with by Dr. Wells. Wells set it up so that it was a recording of the Honey Mustard / Reverse Flash appearing to be in the containment field. Wells shows up behind Cisco saying, “Bitch you guessed it”. After displaying that he was fast enough to be in two places at once as a mirage (how he fooled everyone), He then tells Cisco that he is actually Eboard Thawne, a dude from the future stuck in the past. He’s a distant relative of Eddie and needs to Barry’s speed to get back to his own time…you know what you ain’t bout to be around long enough for this to even matter b. You know what’s coming…..

COOOOOOOOLD BLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOODEDDDDDD!

Meanwhile back at the dock, Barry calls Cailtin on how to stop a tsunami. He has to run faster than he’s ever ran back and forth in order to create a wall of wind resistance that will stop the momentum of the tsunami. So what Barry do?! THE BOY RAN SUICIDES AND SAVED THE GOD DAMN CITY!


My man out here doing suicide drills with so much speed that it sends him back in time and he realizes where he sees a mirage of his past self now looking at his present self. He winds up back to when he was on his way to the morgue… Yeah baby… time traveling just became a apart of Barry’s skill tree.

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  • Omar Holmon is a content editor that is here to make .gifs, obscure references, and find the correlation between everything Black and Nerdy.

  • Show Comments

  • Sid

    I read your review each week! Your reviews always have a hilarious twist to them and that is so entertaining. I also appreciate that you don’t hold any punches but your commentary isn’t mean spirited.

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