Season 1 / Episode 12 / CW

It’s date night in Central City! We’re in the West/Allen residence listening to that soul music Barry Allen aka The Central City Charmer getting ready for his date with Linda Park. He’s going through his entire J. Crew wardrobe and checking in with Joe to see which is the best and Joe offers encouraging words for him.

Nuff fuckin’ said. Barry find out Linda Park is the Spice champ of Central City as she is able to hold her own on a dish spicier than all hell. Barry is left having to juggle his Flash duties whenever Linda has to take a bathroom break (guilt tripped into rescuing and old lady from being robbed [Flash: Ughhh, she wasn’t even old]) or make a take a phone call (gets called in to rescue a jumper)…

<
Yo, how sucky is life when the Flash stops you from jumping and you’re like, “Yeaaaaah.. jumping would still be a good idea”. Is rent that high in Central City? Barry juggle game so good that he got another date with-

Barry: Okay whoa… where’d you come from and how long were you standing there Iris?

At Star labs we see the crew checking out another Firestorm appearance. He accidentally put the heater to a friend he was seeking out and the team now knows they can’t be letting him run around. I mean the fact that they let a nuclear dude run around this long without trying to bring him in again is something we ain’t goin talk about but thats cool. Wells explains that Ronnie’s body and Stein’s mind have merged into one being struggling with two personalities. Barry recounts meeting Stein the day he came back in on the train to see the particle accelerator. Stein was age shaming the shit outta Barry, surprised that he fucks with books and forensics being how old he is. Barry parted ways with him hoping to see him at the launch for the accelerator annnnnnd giving tmi on his love life.

We see how Firestorm came to be in the flash back and that since Stein is more in control he went back to his home and scaring the shit outta his wife. The crew appears back at her place to inform her about whats going on. She realizes the young man dressed like he worked at hot topic and was still into 90’s grunge fashion was actually her husband. So that means it’s time for the crew to play the waiting game in a stake out..except for Barry who has another date with Linda Park.

Joe and Cisco team up this week as the re-open the investigation of Barry’s mom’s death. The house is now owned by a woman named Sherry (like the drink) who answers the door at in the straight up spring Victoria Secret Catalogue line up. Joe and Cisco looking at each other like fam ain’t it like 2:30pm? She lets them in to investigate, Cisco scans for some residue molecular speedster residue with a special light (best I could do to de-nerd what he was talking bout) and finds that the traces on the back of the mirror thats the only remaining evidence from the original crime scene.

Cisco then surmises that the speedsters were moving fast enough combined with the lightning that the mirror could be used to provide images of what happened that night. He then places in some type of minority report precog machines that pulls stills of the murder from the mirror. Son CW and their digital budget is killing the game right now. This shit is PS4 level graphics. They find the location of some blood that belongs to both speedsters that were there. They finally got a break through in the case man… and Sherry came out in a limited edition Prada gown asking if they boys were thirsty

“Y’all want some drank?”

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Cisco: *whispers* LAAAAAAAAAWD JOE! I SWEAR I WON’T JUDGE YOU MAN!!

Barry is with Linda back at his place like

Barry: Welcome to the West/Allen house. It’s kinda the place I grew up, technically with my “Dad” as you can tell by all his George Clinton memorbilla around the house… I pay rent tho soooooo.

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He then has to leave once Firestorm shows up back at Stein’s place. It is the most awkward bounce in the world. My man Barry gotta slang his shirt on backwards getting his jacket caught in the door and Linda is left on the couch looking round like the fuck? Barry arrives trying to help Firestorm QUICK!!!!

Barry: Yo look. I know you going through some shit. I’m trying to help. If you could not attack me and let us help you so i can go back and help this girl i’m trying to see that would be swe– ….you’rrrrrrrree not even listening are you.

Sun, Ronnie / Stein mushed Barry first of all, then decided well ‘I won’t let him fall to his death so I’ll catch him’…then throw his ass against this speeding van his folk driving. Bruh, I’d rather take my chances with the fall. That’s just the uber embarrassment right there. They meet up with Ronnie/Stein later on as he is brooding under a bridge and with the help of his wife get him to come to star labs to run some test. Barry must of had a sigh of relieve cause that was the most embarrassing as whooping he got since Honey Mustard Flash broke his ankles on the court.

After the second apology for having to leave her hanging, Linda asks Iris what the deals is and gets the “well he was really feeling this dope ass girl and he’s all caught up in the unrequited game”

Maaaaaaan, Linda Park was not parallel parking that bullshit. She said “mmm hmmmm” then hit Barry with the sweeeeeerve talking bout she ain’t playing back up bass (second fiddle…see how I flipped that?) to Iris electric guitar solos. Barry said hold up… you think I’m into Iris cause of what now?…. oooOoOoOooOoooo the drama happened and what occurred next was the most polite check of the millennium.

Woooooooooo Laaaaaawd. Lemme translate that for yall to what Iris heard.

Meanwhile, Cisco is butt hurt that Joe wants him to test the blood to see if it matches with Wells. Cisco going off about why he cosigns Well’s and Joe is like, “Bruh, I’ma cop you think families don’t tell me this when I hit’em with the truth about their loved one going Dexter? Run that sample kid.”

Ronnie is getting checked up by Star Labs and its discovered this mutha fucka bout to blow the fuck up. The fight with Flash is pushing him toward a melt down. Wells is immediately like “Weeeeelp… we might have to kill’em sooooooo.” He goes to his secret chamber to get the burner to put one in Firestorm then decides, “Ehhh I could make a containment measure for him…but i would really like to use this gun thoooo… ah next time.”

Meanwhile Robbie is in the waiting room like yeah I can hear yall. I’ma just gooooo. My man walks out to the badlands which is deserted and plans to blow his fucking brains out with a gun. Dude, Where is everyone getting guns from in Central City? That shit come free with a shake there? Flash and Caitlin arrive with a device to help:

Caitlin: We modified this  surge protector to help you out
Caitlin: We modified this surge protector to help you out

However, Ya boy still went off. We see Flash carrying Caitlin and getting the fuck outta dodge as a mushroom cloud appears in the background. Meanwhile the army caught wind of the explosion and knew it was Firestorm and are ready to get his ass in and make a weapon of him. Barry Allen taking some advice from Stein/Ronnie earlier bout living life to the fullest proves to Linda that he is serious about her as he eats the hottest pepper known to man and then upchucks right in front of her and her job. Barry got some kinda fucking charm yo cause, she was so impressed with that and him putting job and shit on the side that she kissed him after that. Iris saw that shit go down from the shade and while throwing shade.

Iris: *sucks teeth* Thwwwwpssss

Translation

Oh… Cisco called up Joe West to tell him he ran the DNA. Wells is ¬†innocen,t however the blood was Barry’s but not 9 year old Barry. It had a protein that showed it was adult Barry’s blood back then. Barry was the second speedster…

Joe West: Fuck… time travel? UGUUUUUUGHHHHH I’ma have to listen to so many nerdy message boards to comprehend this shit.
Cisco: DO NOT GO ON REDDIT!!!

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  • Omar Holmon is a content editor that is here to make .gifs, obscure references, and find the correlation between everything Black and Nerdy.

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