It seems that the newest trend besides rolling all freedoms back for marginalized people to the 19th century is spotting your friendly neighborhood Nazi and punching that muthafucka in the hate basket. There will be some writers out there that will pour their soul into a column to tell you how violence isn’t the answer, how we should be compassionate and unflinching in the face of hate. They might even, if they be so bold and completely unaware, to throw in a “What would Dr. King do?” for which you can answer, “I dunno, I guess you could tell me if he wasn’t fucking murdered.” But here’s the deal, Nazis like Richard Spencer have a view of a perfect world where people like me just didn’t exist, so…if you were looking for some “violence isn’t the answer” rhetoric, you walked into the wrong arcade homie. You want the joint in the suburbs where you turn in your coins for tokens. Our machines still taking quarters in this hood.
— tiny bella ☭ (@babycommie666) January 26, 2017
Now let me be clear, I, law abiding citizen of this continually degrading nation, am not advocating for you to leave your home and punch Richard Spencer in the muthafuckin’ face. That would be [upward inflection] wrong? What I am saying is if you were already planning on punching Richard Spencer in his muthafuckin’ face, I might have some ideas that will give you some nerd cred in the process.
Couple of rules though: No marginalized people can participate. Fam. They. Will. Lock. Your. Ass. Up. With. The. Quick. Ness. You might go to county and we never hear from you again, so nah fam. White folks gonna ally the fuck up on this one. They’ve already started a trend by punching the first two tickets on Spencer. I won’t make a lot of arguments against representation, but People of Color and other groups in Nazi cross hairs gonna have to chill and get the soundtracks ready for the playback.
Second: No weapons, yo. No Escrima sticks. No Batarangs. No Kilik Bo Staff and gotdamn nothing with an edge at all. I mean, this shit is already assault, ain’t nobody trying to see you get railroaded for attempted murder, yo. Which is another reason Black folk can’t do this challenge cuz there’s always one cat that gonna tie some fishing wire around an old arrowhead heirloom and call himself Scorpion. You can’t be trusted so your ass gotta sit out too. We keeping this shit street (il)legal.
— thechrishaley? (@thechrishaley) January 21, 2017
Now without further ado, you shouldn’t go out trying to get your ground and pound on Richard Spencer where he pops up at next, but if you just so happen to already be checking his tour schedule and you’ve been hitting the heavy bag, here’s some video game moves you can add to your move set for the desired effect.
Shoryuken – Ryu/Ken (Street Fighter)
Yo, this the easiest and move on the list with the least amount of set up and skill necessary. All you gotta do is start low, coil and get air on the follow through fam. Its not like someone asked your asked to summon a fireball and hit this punk ass with a Hadouken or some shit.
Break the Bat – Bane (Injustice)
Ok, this one gonna be for the power lifting dudes who can’t believe their father in law voted for Trump and just want to take their allyship to the next level. You gonna need some space, but yo, you big as fuck, you create space fam. Now, you might want to avoid the body slam parts of the move cuz if you on the street and your boy hits pavement like that, that could be attempted murder. We don’t want that for you.
Bicycle Kick – Liu Kang (Mortal Kombat)
I’m not trying to be greedy fam, if you can land two kicks here, then mission accomplished. Any other than that makes you a god among us mere mortals. All you need is a red headband, a clear path for a running headstart and a dream. We talkin’ playground legend shit fam. May you live in twitter infamy for two lifetimes.
Izuna Drop – Hayabusa (Dead or Alive)
Ok, the most difficult move on the list (as in impossible), but also one of the best-looking throws in all of video games, we MUST AT LEAST TRY FAM. Who knows what one is capable of until one tries?!?! So, there are plenty of steps involved here, each more difficult than the previous. First, you need to pull off a firm open hand to the chest. Get yourself a good base, the power is in your legs, yo. Ok, easy enough. The next calls for you to throw this muthafucka about twenty feet in the air.
DISCLAIMER: Black Nerd Problems doesn’t advocate for violence of against any individuals. We just believe in living your best life however that manifests itself.