2 Weeks After Beyonce Dropped Lemonade
*There’s a knock on the door and Otis, the shopkeep cautiously answers. No one appears there, but a shadowy figure swings down from above the door into the shop as Otis locks the door behind him and draws the blinds back down.*
Otis: Were you followed
(The figure pulls back his black hood to reveal he is Miles Morales.)
Miles: Naw, I was careful man. Shit is crazy out there right now. Oh, sorry, I didn’t mean to cuss
*Luke Cage emerges from the back*
Luke: Boy don’t nobody care about you cussing right now, you got those sandwiches.
Miles: Yeah, I got them right here. I wasn’t able to get the smoothie you wanted though. I saw a couple of the Dora Milaje coming up the street and I bugged out.
Luke: Damn. Aiight, we still got a day’s supply of water in the back.
Otis: You can’t hide here forever man.
Luke: I’m a heavy sleeper Otis, and Jessica always waits till she puts Danielle down for bed before watching that shit again. I ain’t trying to get snuck like that.
Otis: Boy, hush!
Luke: You see anybody else out there?
Miles: I think Rhodey was doing a fly over and then I heard the anti-aircraft units powering up.
Luke: Where’s he at now!?!?
Miles: I dunno, not sure he left airspace.
Luke: Fuck, we gotta go look for him.
Miles: Yeah, maybe tomorrow.
Luke: But anything could happen to him right now.
Otis: Luke, you need to chill. Going out there ain’t a good idea. You remember what they did to Bishop, don’t you.
Miles: What happened to Bishop
Luke: They didn’t have to do Bishop like that, man. Lemonade had just dropped the night before. We didn’t know. We weren’t prepared.
Miles: WHAT HAPPENED TO BISHOP?!
Otis: What I’m saying Luke, is I don’t want that to happen to you. James is resourceful, he can make it home.
Luke: Home to what? Carol? Like he wants those problems. I KNOW she’s seen Lemonade and her temper bad to start with.
Miles: But she’s not even bl-
Miles: There’s a rumor though.
Miles: That Storm is in the country.
Otis: STORM IS IN WAKANDA? Impossible.
Luke: Things are even worse than I thought. Where’s the King?
Otis: He’s in space, dealing with the Ultimates or some mess with Galactus.
Luke: Sheeeit, I’d rather deal with Galactus than Storm singing “Sorry” right now.
Miles: Storm can sing?
*Luke reaches back to smack Miles in the back of the head, but Miles dodges by jumping and hanging from ceiling*
Otis: Fellas, if Storm is in Wakanda then you need to start thinking about getting out of the country again.
Miles: What about you pops?
Otis: Boy, you know who used to shape Storm’s mohawk back in the day? I don’t think she’ll harm me.
Luke: Ok, you’re right. Miles get some of that water and lets head out the back once it gets dark.
*A loud pounding at the front door happens and all three are startled. Otis approaches the door and realizes the silhouetted behind the blinds. He quickly opens the door and pulls in Sam Wilson before slamming the door behind him.*
Miles and Luke: THE HELL ARE YOU DOING HERE?!?!
Sam: I…I didn’t know where else to go.
Luke: You got us fucked up man, you can’t be drawing attention to us right now, we trying to lay low.
Sam: I just needed a place to crash…I haven’t slept in two days.
Miles: What happened to you?
Luke: Oh, don’t get shy now Stars and Stripes, go ahead and tell them.
Miles: Tell me what?
Sam: Well, remember when I kissed Thor and that shit ended up on a book cover.
Otis: How could we forget Murica?
Sam: Well, I guess you could say Jane Foster is–
Otis: Damnit boy!
Luke: Yeah, exactly, now Misty out here like a straight savage. Been putting Sam’s name in the street something crazy over the last few days.
Miles: Wow, this is crazy. I mean, Kate Bishop watched Lemonade last week and she had a lot of questions. But she didn’t get that mad at me though.
Otis: Miles I said hu–
Miles: But, she not like, ya know…Black, so…
*Everyone stares at Miles blankly*
Luke: Sam, how you know you weren’t followed?
Sam: I’m damn professional Luke I wasn’t–
Luke: Damnit! (from outside: “Luke, you in there?!?!“) It’s Ava.
Luke: (whispers) Shit. They would send the one person that could break my skin if she wanted to.
Miles: (whispering) White Tiger is out there. She’s really, h–, um, attractive.
Luke: (whispering) Miles, now ain’t the time.
Miles: (whispering) You think she’s got on, like, the suit?
Sam: (whispering) Miles, shut the hell up!
Luke: Ava, what do you need?
Luke: I don’t know what you’re talking about Ava. By the way, where’s Victor?
Ava: Victor is where I can find him if I need to.
Miles: (whispering) Oh my god, did she kill Power Man?
Sam: (whispering) Miles, I swear to God…
Luke: Ava, you alone out there.
Ava: You know, I’m not Luke. This can be over quickly, just send him out here.
Luke: Still don’t know who you’re talking about?
Ava: Aiight then,
*The storefront window smashes in suddenly, spraying glass everywhere until you can see Misty Knight standing in a yellow dress with a baseball bat across her shoulders*
Misty: Hey Sam, how are things?
Sam: Misty, I’m ya know good. Getting by. Just been, ya know, traveling, checking in on family. Spending a lot of time with loved ones.
Sam: (stumbling) Misty, baby, it really ain’t even like that, I mean, everything happened so fast
Misty: Slow down, they don’t love you like I love you.
Otis: Sam, just go with the woman.
Sam: Yeah, you’re right
Miles: I’m really gonna miss Captain America
Luke: You sure you want to do this man.
Sam: Yeah…I’m good.
Misty: Come on home, baby. Come on home.
*Sam walks over the broke glass and follows Misty out to the street*
Ava: And Luke. Jessica says this has been real cute, but you’re ass better be home by Sunday night.
Otis: I think we may never see that negro again.
Welcome to the Wakanda Barbershop! Here we get to see your favorite Black Marvel characters, as well as other characters of color, be self aware and talk about what’s going on in our timeline of reality and their fictional 616 Marvel universe. What better place to hang and vent than the best barbershop on Earth, located in Wakanda? It’s so popular that characters from other comics publishers are allowed to stop in. Even characters that have been in limbo for years can be spotted in the Wakanda Barbershop, “Where That Atmosphere Be So Black.”
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Loved it! That was fantastic!
Excellent. Funny as Hell. Dude your a genius. Blacktastic.
That’s freaking hilarious!!! Excellent!!!
Where has this been hiding. Reminds me the comic Damage Control. This is awesome. Could easily be turned into a short film on Netflix.