Sam Wilson THE Captain America walks into the shop. Otis, shop owner, greets him.
Otis: Oh Lord, speak of the Devil.
Sam: What now?
Otis: Oh, nothing, we were just talking about imperialism, elitists and arrogance on the news and in walks Captain Manifest Destiny.
Sam: Come on Otis, I’m not even working right now man, just trying to get a cut.
Otis: I’m just jabbin’ you youngblood, sit your ass down.
Sam: But I’m waiting on first cha–
Otis: Boy, if you don’t sit your ass down. Besides first chair is taken.
Sam: What? By who.
[Barber spins the chair around in the first chair to show Miles Morales getting a cut.]
Miles: What? What I do?
Otis: Nothin’ boy. Sam, I’ve been cutting your hair since you came and got your wings, now sit down and get this surgeon cut.
[Sam sits in Otis’ chair.]
Otis: You’ve been popular this week.
Sam: This week? Shit. This year.
Miles: You’ve been Captain America for a year?
Sam: Yeah, just about. Cats still trying to act like it just happened. You want the title kid?
Miles: Shit, no!…Don’t tell my dad I said shit.
Sam: The hell you doing all the way in Wakanda anyway, Miles?
Miles: Uh, T’Challa flies me in. Says I got potential.
Sam: Potential to do what?
Miles: Be…America’s greatest…hero.
Sam: I’m sure he did.
Miles: I saw you on the news this week.
Sam: Uh-huh.
Miles: Like, everyday.
Sam: I know.
Miles: On every channel.
Sam: I get it, kid.
Otis: Hey, let the kid flow, Sam. He obviously got some questions. Shit, I do too. Aren’t you Mister Accountability anyway? Or is that Rhodey?
Sam: Fine, you got a question Miles?
Miles: Um, I have 4.
Sam: Jesus.
Miles: Why does Fox News hate you? Does Steve Rogers smell as old as he looks? Who’s leading the new Avengers squad? Is Ms Marvel dating anyone? And how do you keep your costume from riding up?
Sam: Fox News hates you too. That’s classified. Me. You need to stay on mission and I have no idea what you’re talking about. That might be a puberty thing. And that was five questions by the way.
Otis: I’ve got some questions–
Sam: I know your questions and I’m good.
Miles: So I saw a picture of you–
Sam: Shit…
Miles: And you were kissing Thor–
Otis [turns off clippers]: You were what?!?!
Sam: Hey man, look–
Miles: I can’t imagine kissing Thor. I mean, she’s Thor. That seems like it might hurt. I mean, my first kiss was a Hyrda agent and that hurt, but in like, a different way–
Sam: We understand metaphor Miles.
Otis: Back to this kissing Thor thing–
Sam: Look man, I don’t know where they get these shots from. A brotha was flying high and feeling free. That’s all I got.
Miles: I thought you were with Misty Knight.
Otis: Yeah, I thought you weren’t suicidal.
Sam: Man, it’s complicated.
Miles: Misty doesn’t seem very complicated. She’s looks pretty straight forward to me. Like, she might kill you.
Sam: Look, Misty is busy. She’s getting her arm worked on or some shit. Haven’t seen her in a few days.
Otis: You mean, you’ve been avoiding her?
Sam: I’m saying that Misty got a little bit of a temper and Alex didn’t tell me that cover was dropping so early, so I had to move quick–
Miles: –and leave the country to get a haircut.
Sam: Exactly.
Miles: How do you know she didn’t follow you?
Sam: She’s busy consulting on that new Luke Cage show.
Otis: How do you know?
Sam: I, uh…still get NSA briefings.
Otis: You pervy, American bastards.
Miles: I had another question–
Sam: I’m not talking about kissing Thor anymore, Miles.
Miles: Oh, then never mind.
Otis: I got another question: How long before Anthony Mackie gets fired for playing you in the movies?
Sam: Shit. Ain’t nothing wrong with Anthony that shutting the fuck up can’t cure. Trust me, that limelight gets bright, real quick. You learn a lot when they put that star on your chest.
Otis: Or when you kiss a White Woman on a comic book cover.
Miles: Only thee who is so worthy may–
Sam: MILES!
Otis: Aiight boy, you’re good.
[Sam gets up from the chair and gives Otis a $20 bill.]
Otis: The hell is that?
Sam: It’s twenty dollars old man, the hell it look like?
Otis: You gonna have to come up out a lot more than that. You know you’re currency weak as hell here.
Sam: Damn exchange rate. Can’t you spot me this time?
Otis: Didn’t you get your wings AND your shield from Wakanda? I think you still in the red with us youngblood.
Sam: Fine. I’ll get Miles’ cut too.
Otis: Oh, don’t worry about him. He gets cut for free. T’Challa’s decree.
Sam: For real? Bastard.
Welcome to the Wakanda Barbershop! Here we get to see your favorite Black Marvel characters, as well as other characters of color, be self-aware and talk about what’s going on in our timeline of reality and their fictional 616 Marvel universe. What better place to hang and vent than the best barbershop on Earth, located in Wakanda? It’s so popular that characters from other comics publishers are allowed to stop in. Even characters that have been in limbo for years can be spotted in the Wakanda Barbershop, “Where That Atmosphere Be So Black.”
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