Whenever I Watch Underworld, I Feel Like Kate Beckinsale Wants To Break Up With Me

[divider type=”space_thin”] There are a great number of things that I should and still kind of love about the Underworld series while fully realizing that it’s not exactly the Dark Knight trilogy for vampire flicks when it comes to quality. I mean, making werewolf transformations happen in live action ain’t never been easy, and this latest movie had rumbles of a lawsuit because it’s story strayed a little too close to the game Vampire: The Masquerade, but still. Despite it’s can’t really walk in the daylight weaknesses, I can still watch undead or emo beasts of the night merge supernatural powers and gifts with modern day weaponry and feel like I didn’t waste a couple of hours. Give me gadgets and full auto pistols with UV light bullets. Give me a man that transforms into a beast in midrun on the walls. I’m here fam. For all of it. Especially a really attractive protagonist letting them thangs go in a sleek black zero suit. Well, about that.

Maaaaan, listen. I want you to flash back to 2003 with me, when a young William was in his early 20s, brimming with the confidence of a mediocre white dude. I was smart, in prime athlete shape, I knew all the house dances, I could get in free to the Fall Icebreaker depending on what frat was hosting it; it was lit over a decade before anything would be called lit. Underworld had me hype because, vampires. Kate Beckinsale was basically coming off of being the extremely pretty “it” girl with previous flicks like Serendipity and Pearl Harb…