Review: Hotel Artemis Isn’t Trying to Do What You Think It Is

First, I’d like to say a hardy eff you to the cast and crew of Hotel Artemis. Here’s the thing, I took myself on an I-hate-the-world-and-want-to-be alone-and-watch-things-burn-and/or-explode date AKA just another Friday for Nicole. I was not trying to feel. If I was trying to feel, I’d have re-watched First Reformed. I didn’t. Instead, I showed up to the John Wick-adjacent universe that is Hotel Artemis. I was tricked. But… I’m okay with it. The titular Hotel Artemis is located in 2028 LA, a time and place being torn apart by water riots [stares out into the horizon contemplating this possibly likely future]. It is run by The Nurse, played by Academy Award winner Jodie Foster with assistance from Everest, played by Dave Bautista. Foster who has been acting since she was a toddler and racking up awards for almost as long is perfect in this role. Always moving on a spectrum ranging from indifferent to endearing, Foster delivers a character who is as believable when she’s telling you she’ll watch you bleed to death if you break the rules as she is in her moments of fragility.

The patients at the Hotel Artemis are a wickedly talented crew. Sterling K. Brown plays Waikiki. He, along with his brother Honolulu played by a favorite of mine, Brian Tyree Henry, are bank robbers who have had a bad day. There’s no other reason you end up at a members only underground hospital for the shady. They’re joined by my new cosplay goals, Sofia Boutella’s Nice, and the generally unlikable Aca…