Look, there’s a lot going on in the news, especially with comic books, but have you seen this shit? Have you seen this shit, my Avenger? Marvel (when Secret Wars wraps, projected for 2018 or something) is introducing a brand new world, sorta called All-New All-Different Marvel. The All-New All-Different Avengers issue #4 cover features the two most talked about Marvel heroes from the last year, considering they underwent big changes. And now, through all the “why don’t they just create their own heroes” bullshit, these characters are not only still in their roles, they are thriving and, uh…kissing? Wait, word? Is this really happening? Did Alex Ross Da Gawd, the artist behind this amazing cover, really give them the Jigga with this (I only got half a bar, fuck y’all bigots)? Cuz that’s what this shit lookin’ like. Wait, I can’t just leave it at that.
This ain’t a roast because this cover is too incredible, this is an unroast. Who got the clock? Put 60 seconds on the board and let me let Bast the Panther Goddess take the wheel while I get in the booth.
Yo this cover lookin’ like the year 2000 and not in our lifetime.
Cover lookin’ like a CW primetime fantasy.
Cover lookin’ like joy on tap with a side Courvoisier.
Cover lookin’ like “You can’t fly with us.”
Cover lookin’ like Sunrise ain’t got shit on me.
Cover lookin’ like the war on conservatism.
Cover lookin’ like give us free.
Cover lookin’ like “Keep your high horse, I got wings and a Mjolnir, Hydra.”
Cover lookin’ like we slay Ragnarok and racists.
Cover lookin’ like we slay misogynists and Nazis.
Cover lookin’ like an angry white nerd just quit comics.
Cover lookin’ like a little biracial girl just bought her first trade.
Cover lookin’ like the city of lights in Thor’s helmet.
Cover lookin’ like Black men got no earthly limits.
Cover lookin’ like Mjolnir > Glass Ceiling.
Cover lookin’ like nah, b we got this.
Cover lookin’ like white men need more representation.
Cover lookn’ like #BoycottProgressAtAllCosts.
You can’t just be like, he fly, she fly, we fly deal with it.
You can’t just be like, this shit right here for the Tea Party.
This shit right here for all the dudebros still saying “The Female Thor.”
This shit right here for all the fanboys still saying “Black Captain America.”
This shit right here is the clapback.
This shit right here is that Back to Back.
Sam “I am” Wilson
Jane Foster if you nasty.